Waterford Hockey Welcomes a New Icon

Important Master P Announcement

Our beloved Master P, who has volunteer for our country, and has been a loyal Waterford Faithful Brigade member for 15 years will be shipping off next month on April 13.  Master P will be in the California State Forest clearing trails, and rescuing wildlife from vicious predators. 

It is sad to see Master P leave us once again, but we salute his courageous efforts in volunteering for the United States of America.

So to honor Master P, we'll be having a  Waterford Tailgate Party on Sat March 27, at 4pm.  Hot dogs and Hamburgers will be grilled by Head Chef Mogilny.  Also Evil Mogilny will be giving free rides on his 86 Camaro IROC-Z  for all boys and girls. 

It will also conclude Master P month with special prizes and giveaways.  I think somebody might leave home with an embroider t-shirt of our honoree.

If you see Master P over the next few days give him a pat on the back, and wish him luck on preserving our national parks. 

Vandals Beware

Waterford Hockey is under attack by a viscous group of teenage vandals.  One of the boards was smashed, and bended backwards near the Zamboni entrance.  This was a previous board that was repaired by two metal signs that were bolted together to uphold the structure. 

These "riff raffs"  purposely bent the board, so it would be an obstruction to the Waterford Playing Grounds.  They also spilled motor oil around the sand trap, and took a dump in "Big Blues" mouth.  The entire Waterford Facility is covered in water bottles, Cheeto bags, pizza boxes, broken sticks, beer bottles, and tv dinner containers.

Local authorities have threaten to shut down the lights.,and have no interest in helping the Waterford community . 
"We have more important problems to handle in the Waterford Metropolitan area."

Master commented by adding
"This town has a serious problem with deer rape in the state forest."

Local humanitarian Brian Barlow, scene in the photo below.  Repaired the broken board, with his electric saw, and screw gun. 

                                                                              photo by Staff Photographer Robo Legs

At the moment the board is fixed, but the lingering trash is still scattered throughout the facility. 

Gang Green was rather upset about the destruction of the rink, and had an important message to these "riff raffs"
"If I catch, anyone vandalizing the prestigious Waterford Gardens.  I will not hesitate to use physical force, I learn in my 4hour Jiu Jitsu class.  I will use the "Kansetsu Waza", which is a joint locking technique which applies pressure on the attackers joints, and body parts.  These riff raffs will succumb to my muscular strength of tenacious take downs, and joint locking.  Their entire body will be paralyze motionless in utter despair.  Then I will strip their clothes off and create a fire with their littering debris as kindle.  They will be naked with a weakening soul of confusion.  This is just a warning.  Don't lay a hand on our rink!"

Waterford Hockey will return next week Tuesday and Wednesday

Master P Saturday

Record crowds attended the first afternoon game of Master P Month.  The following guest list included; Coldplay, Billy the Kid, Eddie the Eagle, Gang Green, Boytanio, Matt Arena, Steve Arena Clone, Gee Smiley, A few Bags, Italian, Cabbage Patch, Evil Mogilny, Jeff Hand, Montel, AI, RJ, Mrs.RJ, Daniel Sedin, and of course the honoree himself of March, Master P.

Evil Mogilny's girlfriend's son, made a unique observation of all Saturday's guest.
"Why does everybody here have a sweet ass nickname"

Festivities included genuine snacks and refreshments eaten daily by Master P.  Everyone enjoyed a punchbowl of cocoa puffs, and Mountain Dew. 

Game action went into the early evening hours.  Highlights included Gee Smiley scratching his shoulders, and Coldplay being a bust as the number 1 overall pick of the Waterford hockey draft.

Montel left very quickly after the final whistle.  Media members didn't get a chance to talk to the goal scoring juggernaut.  He also left Gang Green hanging, without a ride home.

"Montel has to give out a cash loan."  Master P explained

 

Gang Green was furious that Montel had bailed on him, without notice.

"You think, a guy who sits in front of the net all day, would have the common courtesy to drive the goalie home.  You know he isn't tired.  Next time I will strike fear in Montel's eyes, by slashing his legs.  This is such bull!"

Young Italian also displayed his frustration about Montel

"That Montel guy, is such a big bully.  He dangles short term cash loans in front of you all day.  I came here to play hockey, not be haggled by cash loan promises.  I'm just 12years old, what I'm going to do with a cash loan."

So Gang Green had to made a ride arrangement with AI.  It seemed fair that AI would take Gang Green home, since he lives about 20 minutes from the Gang Green's residence.  Still furious about Montel leaving him hung-out to dry.  Gang Green expressed angry

"Like who just gets up and leaves without acknowledging anyone.  I don't see Montel playing goalie.  I only live 5 minutes away from Montel.  He knows I don't have a license, and can't figure out the public transportation system.  I don't understand why someone who drives me home everyday would just leave me here."

Gang Green turns in the direction of AI

"Luckily I have AI whom graciously volunteer to take me home.  Wait a minute did AI just leave."

AI took a page out of Montel's goodbye manners and bolted without notice.  

"What the fuck!"  Gang Green moaned

Master P consoled our beloved stranded goaltender

"I guess nobody wants to ride with Gang Green.  The bus station is only 3miles away.  You have legs, so start walking."

Gang Green dejected and lonesome had been tossed to the curb.  No friends, no companion, or not even a shoulder to cry on.  

Gee Smiley a terrific indivual he is, provided that shoulder to cry on.  

"Come on Green, I'll take you home."

Master P Saturday had concluded, but  Master P Month marches on.  

Sunday Night hockey at 7pm, and Monday Hockey at 7pm this week.

 

Its March and its Master P Month

Classic Master P May 29, 2008

Here is a little tidbit everyone will enjoy from the Googily Gazette vault.  Entitled "Memorial Waste Day" it has a classic Gang Green-Master P argument from that summer day when the lights were stripped from the Waterford Proven Grounds.  Also somebody wins a $25 gift certificate to Applebees.

March is Master P month!

 The Googily Gazette

May 29, 2008

Memorial Waste Day

            Power supply to Thursday Night Hockey has been cut off, and what is left is three tangling black wires hanging high from a wooden telephone post.  No more hockey until the problem is solved.  Some are optimistic that the township is in the midst of fixing the electrical unit, but realists believe it is a grim end to an era of Thursday Night Hockey. 

The Gazette has received a response by a Recreational Committee Member Miguel Arena

"I wasn't inform about the disposal of electrical power to Thursday Night Hockey, however I haven't been in contact or attended any recreational meetings since the beginning of April, so I'll have my secretary Brian Boytano make a few phone calls and will get a promising answer to the situation"

General Gang Green had an unusual reaction to the misfortunate news "Is somebody fu**in with us, I bet you it's the guy who lives across the street who did it,  he must of climb up the 50 foot high telephone pole and cut those wires with his hedge clippers.  Than he decided to wrap the entire electrical box with yellow caution tape to make it look like a professional job."

Master P diffused Gang Green's comments "What do you think a gorilla climb up the telephone pole and smash the wires with his clumsy paws.  It obviously was done by a proper authority, why would anybody go to such drastic measures to disconnect the hockey lights."

Gang Green insisted on his outrageous conspiracy theory "Just because you're too lazy to skate out of your own defensive zone Master P doesn't mean somebody wouldn't mess with our lights.  It doesn't make any sense that the town would build a 30,000 dollar hockey rink and decide all of sudden to shut down the lights.  I'm telling you its that guy across the street, every time I turn into the park I see him giving me a dirty look, like I'm some kind of monster or something." 

Master P unable to contain a straight face decided to chime in "Yeah I think that guy is apart of a terrorist sleeper cell. Our hockey lights are keeping him up all night so he can't assemble his dirty bomb.

"Yeah Master P he doesn't like Swedes, so he is going to use his dirty bomb to blow up your homeland.  Gang Green remarked

"But why would he attack the Swedes?  We our very friendly people" Master P explained

"Maybe because he doesn't like cheese or hot cocoa; and maybe his ex-wife left him for a guy who ate a lot of Swedish fish.  Their are many reasons to not like a particular ethnic group, and if I had to live in country full of people like you Master P, I would have signed up to be a suicide bomber before you can say Swiss Miss."     Gang Green replied.

"Well at least our people can play goalie, I haven't seen you make a save since the Johnson administration."  Master P zinged.

"Master P you better watch out I'm going to give you a knuckle sandwich."  Gang Green barked.

"What is this 1920s?  Like I'm really afraid of you Gang Green, I've fu** with bigger nig*a* than you.  Just because I look like Mats Sundin doesn't mean that I fight like him.' Master P yelped.

This tirade between Master P and Gang Green lasted longer, but due to time constraints was cut short.  But a fax to the Googily Gazette editor's desk was sent by a Mr. Brian Boytano (aka M.J., Sméagol Van Gogh, Robocop, Mini Gang Green, The Sad French Clown, Case of Head Wax Gold Card Member, and The Worlds fastest skater) it read

"Mr. Matt Arena has informed me that he ran into the Recreation Committee President at the local tavern last night and receive the following information regarding our hockey lights,  ah…….. That is right there is no new information about the hockey lights since Matt Arena was too intoxicated to converse.  But he did manage to find out the next Recreation Meeting will be next Thursday June 5, 2008 at 730pm at the town hall in Waterford Township"

So its back to square one to once again rally together and fight for our beloved Thursday Night Hockey, we have to speak up again like the famous Quad "F Kennedy" Skates did that one historical winter night.  We have no other choice but to fight in numbers and demand our lights to be turn back on.  So if anybody wants to attend the meeting on Thursday June 5, at 7:30 please call me or send me an e-mail.

Oh and before I forget the Give Don a nickname contest winner is …… Don Key Kong that's right the General Gang Green has won the contest and now has to claim his $25 gift certificate to Applebees because it's eating good in the neighborhood.  Congratulations from all of us from the Googily Gazette news desk.

            "Always fight the good fight"

Peace,

The Chief Editor

Master P Moment Atlantic City

Master P Moment
Atlantic City Trip

This goes out to Quad Skates who vividly remembers the cold March night in Atlantic City.

It was a Saturday Night, Quads, the Chief Editor and Master P decided to venture out in the swamps of Atlantic City.  We had to go out in style.  Quad Skates wore his white stretched bell bottom paints,  from his Saturday Night Fever Roll a-thon.  He accompanied the white paints with curly chest hair that was bulging out of his white blazer jacket.  He used a fragrance that smelled of musk, and dance fever to further complete the outfit.

The Chief Editor wore a light stone-wash denim jacket, with minor tears around the sleeves.  It had a Jordache tag, and was very snug around the shoulders.  His denim jeans were tight around the thighs, and lose around the ankles.  It only needed a Canadian Maple leaf on his stone-wash denim jacket, to be an official Canadian Tuxedo. 

Master P didn't get the memo about wearing a proper stylish get-up.  He instead wore a flannel jacket, with his Frankenstein t-shirt underneath. 

The three saddle up into Quads Skates Honda Odyssey, or as the ladies call it the "Quad-odyssey." The music was blaring 80s retro hip-hop "the freaks come out at night".  They were off on their AC adventure.

First stop.  Borgata. 

The chief Editor explained "We got to Borgata do it" 

As the trio enter the Borgata, they noticed the formal attire everyone was wearing.  Than they saw the cover charge and prices of admission to the bars and clubs

Master P looked puzzled and very frightful. 

The Chief Editor commented "We got to Borgata out of here"

So the party march on to a more reasonably price spot. 

Master P had an idea
"Lets go to the Tropicana, they have a lot of bars, cheap drinks, and loose women."

Quad Skates replied
"As long as there is a dance floor that can handle my quad skates.  Count me in."

The trio walked into the wonders of the Tropicana.  It had countless numbers of bars, no cover charges, slot machines, chocolate fountains, funky dance beats, a waffle and chicken house, a full party of loose women, swimming pools, poker tables, build your own burrito huts, Singapore noodle stands, 60' flat screen televisions, and outstanding public restrooms.

A bewildered Master P was in paradise.
"Wow, this place is awesome"

To their amazement they saw a recognizable Waterford Hockey Player, it was Coldplay with an entourage of guests. 

Master P yelled
"I used to rule the world"

Coldplay turn and acknowledge the trio
"Hey guys"

The Chief Editor asked
"Do you know of any hot spots to go to."

Coldplay remarked
"Ya, I got a spot.  I can get us in VIP too.  Your with the Coldplay now.  Things are going to get crazy!"

So now the trio had joined forces with Coldplay and his entourage.

Coldplay pointed at a club, that was situated across the Hooters in the lower level in the Tropicana
"Lets go to Fireworks, their is a lot of tail up in there."

Music was bumping hot beats, of current hip hop music.  It was a downer of the old school beats Quads was playing in the "Quad-odyssey"

Quads commented
"Tell the DJ, he needs to play some classic hip hop.  This new shit, makes my quad skates roll with disappointment."

The club was packed with females, as Coldplay had promised.  The women in the club were also very excited to see the lead singer of the most "homo-erotic" rock band of the last century.

"Oh, Coldplay!"
A fierce crowd of women and males screamed

Master P as always, subdued and relaxed proceeded to the bar.  His red flannel jacket, with a black and green Frankenstein t-shirt made his way through a pack of ravage Coldplay fans.  As he was making a path, he accidentally bumped into a rather portly gentlemen who was very intoxicated.

"Hey man"
the portly gentlemen proclaimed

Master P replied
"Sorry"

The portly gentlemen wasn't at all angry, he was rather intrigue about this tall, blond man with a flannel jacket and Frankenstein shirt.  He was flattered that such a man, who was rather polite had bumped into his way.  He kept an eye on him, while he stir his Shirley temple and vodka.

Master P order a bottle of Champagne for himself, and Coldplay to sip on in the VIP lounge.  Coldplay was delighted that Master P had ordered him such a extravagant drink.  He got the attention of the entire bar.

"Hey everybody, I want to make a toast for my good buddy Master P.  He is a loyal friend and a great guy.  So Master P, here is to our great friendship.  And everyone drink the fuck up!"

A bashful Master P, just gave Coldplay a nod, and cling Champagne classes.

The portly gentlemen saw an opportunity to approach Master P.  He wanted to know who this Master P guy was.  What his thoughts about life, politics, food, friendship, romance, poetry, and fine wine were.  Why was his name Master P?  Why was he such close friends with Coldplay?  Where did he get that Frankenstein t-shirt?  Why did he make him feel all tingly inside? Who was this mysterious man?

Master P was nodding his head to the beat, just chilling with his boys.  The portly men open his mouth to speak, but was in a trance of Master P's luscious blue eyes.  He couldn't help himself anymore, he wanted a piece of Master P.  He gave Master P a big fat kiss right on the lips. 

Master P pushed the portly man off .  "You better back the fuck off.  I'm going to kick your homo-ass.  Just because I hang out with the number 1 "homo erotic" selling rock band in the world, doesn't mean I'm gay.  If you don't move away from me in 5 seconds, I'm going to punch you right in the face.  Its ok that your gay.  I have no problem with that.  But I do have a problem with a fat gay trying to make-out with me, while T-Pain is singing "I'm on a Boat"  Back the fuck off."

This Master P moment is brought to you by the googliy gazette.  Its March and its Master P month. 

March is Master P Month