Evil Mogilny rescues the Waterford Gardens

Recent vandalism, Soccer Bags, Scooter Gangs, and utter neglect by the Waterford Township governing body has caused the decay of our beloved Waterford Gardens.  The far boards as scene in the photo above, has been broken in half by some radioactive strength Soccer Bags. 

Instead of playing soccer on a normal soccer field, these Bags have chosen to ingest human growth hormones, and get a pick up game of soccer on our hockey rink.  Our penalty box, is transformed into a DJ booth playing power 99 hot jams.  Fist pumps are a plenty when goals are scored, and high testosterone of punching and screaming are heard on a cold weekday night.

Anti-Bag activist Stilts wasn't too pleased to hear of this outrageous Bag attack on the Waterford Gardens "Those dirty Bags.  First they invade Waterford Hockey, then they ruin my Wednesday nights at Sizzler, and now they destroy the Waterford Gardens with their bicycle kicks. Those inconsiderate Bags!"

To make matters worse, the Waterford Hockey Youth program has been threaten by vicious Bag attacks.  On a night just like any normal weekday, the Bags attacked the Italian and company with their verbal threats and physically kicked out the Waterford youth.   The Soccer Bags took control of the Waterford Gardens, while the Italian and company looked from afar without a place to play hockey.

Carter one of the Waterford Hockey Youths, scared and confused, by the amount of Bags screaming and yelling about sexual activities with his Mom wet his own pants.  A soaked Carter called 911 and reported the Bags of their juvenile acts.

A pictorial drawing of Carter's wet pants

One of the Waterford Township Police officers came to bring peace to the situation.  But, like usual our Waterford finest had a unorthodox solution.  "Right now, I'm going to shut down this rink.  Nobody is allowed to play.  You hockey players have to share the rink, with these soccer Bags.  This is a hockey rink, and it is also a fully functionally asphalt soccer  field.  Ok, I'm getting an emergency on my radio. Apparently there are fresh donuts being put out at  Dunkin Donuts. Bye!" 

The Italian and his army were left without a solution, and were bullied off the Waterford Gardens.

Evil Mogilny hearing of the soccer bags and their destruction of the rink, brought his tools and a sacrificial animal to the middle of the face-off circle.  "Oh, my God Satan.  I've given you a live chicken, to protect our Waterford Gardens from these vicious soccer Bags.  Now, shed this blood as a river of fortitude to our Waterford faithful.  Be not afraid my children, let the storm wash away the blood."

The Italian wondering what Evil Mogilny is performing intervenes the ceremony. "Ah.... Evil Mogilny what are you doing?"

"What does it look like I'm doing." Evil Moginy remarks

"You have a drill in one of your hands, and a Kentucky Fried Chicken Bucket in the other.  Are you going to finish fixing the boards or are you going to mumble a bunch of gibberish."the Italian replies

Evil Mogilny's sacrificial chicken

"Yeah, just hold that board over there, and the boards will be good as new.  Now if I ever see another person playing soccer on this hockey rink, they will face the wrath of Herr Evil Mogilny and his army of Mummies.  Mu wa wa wa ha ahaha ahaha"  Evil Mogilny makes an evil laugh

Waterford Hockey returns this Thursday or Wednesday pending weather.  Those are the only days of the week, I will be attending, but contact the Italian for any other game dates.  Do not contact AI, as he has given up his duty of Waterford Hockey organizer. 

Viva La Italian!

Potter terrorizes Waterford Hockey Again

Hours before his International Film Premiere of "Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows Part 1", Mr. Potter decided to take a little stroll around the Waterford Gardens in his purple scooter. 

Unaware of the presence of a loud mouth Potter, Gang Green pulled into the parking lot looking for a pleasant game of Waterford Hockey.  What happen next, classifies as an act of Potter terrorism.

"Whats up, everybody!  Its your favorite Waterford Elite personality Rosco Gang Green!"

"Who has a gay name like Gang Green?  Go get some new sweat pants, you middle aged Billy Bob Thornton!" a smirked Harry Potter commented.

"Whoa, who brought the disgruntle Harry Potter to the Waterford Gardens!  Hey Harry, get some manners and shut the hell up!" Gang Green replied

Harry Potter continued to touch his private areas, and repeated remarks on the appearance of the Rosco Gang Green.  "Hey Mister, you look like a Gorilla with a receding hairline.  The Bronx Zoo called, and they want their 500 pound gorilla back!" 

Gang Green non to thrilled about the comments of his Gorilla like appearance, fire back at the Harry Potter "Well your Mom, didn't mind last night!  She was all over this sexy body."

AI had to intervene between the two, and try to start a game of Waterford Hockey.  "Come on guys, lets stop fighting with the 15yr old scooter gang and go back to playing hockey.  Plus my High is wearing off, and I'm about to bounce soon.  Coldplay has a bong hit waited for me at his crib."

The highly anticipated rematch of Magoo vs Gang Green was on display.  Two powerhouse goaltenders, of the Waterford Elite.  One with an injury prone track record, and the other prone to taking dives.  It was the battle of who was going to fake an injury first and quit.. 

Harry Potter and his scooter Gang decided to watch from the end with Magoo in net.  Taunting and making fun of the poor sighted goaltender.  "Hey Magoo, You couldn't stop a Yoga sized inflatable ball!   

Harry Potter's Mom exercising on a Yoga sized inflatable ball

Mr. Magoo used to be heckled at his day job, of a newspaper delivery man.  Ignored the taunts and continue his horrible play in net.

Potter realizing that Mr. Magoo wasn't paying attention to him, decided to run to the other end of the rink and terrorize the other goaltender.  "Gang Green, You improperly fill out your W-2.  Instead of Single dependent Male it should say Single Sad Middle Aged Gorilla!"

Gang Green shouted back at Harry and company  "Potter, If you don't shut up, I'm going to beat your 14yr old ass.  I've already been to prison for fighting a minor at a Phillies game, so I'm not afraid of doing it again!"

"Go wash your underwear,, or have the zookeepers hose you down!"  Harry Potter remarked

"Harry I'm warning you!"  Gang Green barked

Harry Potter and company decided to taunt Gang Green with "Gorilla!  Gorilla! Gorilla!"  after the 8th gorilla chant Potter hock a large loogie on Gang Green's green jersey.

"That's it"  Gang Green hopped over the boards in full goalie equipment, and started to chase after Harry Potter.  A scared Harry Potter started to run away, and continued his potty mouth.  "Come and chase me, old man!"

 Gang Green in total hysteria started to sprint after him, and then heard a loud crack in his foot.

"Ahh.. My Toe!!!"  Gang Green fumbled to the ground in pain.  "That's it I'm done"

Harry Potter in the loud distance running for his life from the deranged Rosco Gang Green shouted "That's what you get for being a 500 pound gorilla!"

So Gang Green had won the battle of faking an injury first and quitting on Thursday Night Hockey.  Great job Gang Green! 

There will be Sat afternoon hockey with hosts, Italian and AI.  Please contact either of those two for game times.  Also a Black Fri afternoon game at 2pm on November 26.  Do your shopping early and come out for a matinee game. 

Stay connected on Facebook, or the Googily Gazette.  If you see any soccer BAGs on the hockey rink, please go and pick up their soccer ball and punt it in the woods.  Then call Gang Green, and Evil Mogilny to regulate, the situation.

Mr. Magoo's Underbar Emporium

Waterford Hockey experienced some great games last week.  On Thursday a turnout of 4-4 with 2 goalies were present.  Mr Magoo turned up his game to a new level by making 23 saves on 53 shots.  

The start of the game was overshadowed by a lethal Scooter Gang, who wouldn't leave the Waterford Garden confines.  Their candy eating, colorful scooting, and portly Ginger "O'Doyle" Ruling appearance were annoying the Waterford faithful.

Scooter Gang Leader Harry Potter threaten everyone with an attempt to urinate on the Waterford Gardens Face-off circle.  "What are you going to do, if I fly over the face-off circle and piss all over your shitty rink."  Harry Potter exclaimed.  

Mr Magoo non-to please about the threat, shouted back at the poor bathroom manner Harry Potter "If you urinate on our rink, I'm going to kick you off of your purple flying scooter, and make you like your own piss." 

Harry Potter, not scared of the threat of Mr. Magoo.  Verbally attacked Mr. Magoo's 1986 Silver and White Lebaron.  "Well, at least I don't drive a piece of junk car, that was made right after the first Back to the Future movie.  Like who drives a convertible, that was featured in the motion picture "Planes, Trains and Automobiles"  John Candy called and he wants his shower curtain rings back." 

Mr. Magoo boiling with frustration, now was furious of the attacks of his beloved 1986 Lebaron.  "That's it Potter.   I'm going to ring your little neck for those comments."

Trying to run after the speedy Harry Potter on a purple scooter.  Mr. Magoo was determine to cause some physical pain.  But fortunately for Harry Potter, Magoo ran in the wrong direction as his eye sight was blurred from the sweat of humiliation.  

"You're going to get it now!"  Mr. Magoo shouted.  As he grab a bush, in the Pope's garden, Magoo attempted to swing and punch the nonhuman object.  "Take this, and this!  Nobody makes fun of the Lebaron and gets away with it!  Now take a dose of a knuckle sandwich, you punk scooter kids!"

The loud noises, were accompanied by the sounds of branches, and thorns being stabbed in our clueless Magoo.  "Ah.!!! For the love of God! Stop!!!"

A defeated Magoo appeared.  Bloody, tired, and bush whacked Magoo crawled back to the Waterford Gardens.  "Well I showed those Scooter Punks,  that no one messes with the Mr. Magoo"

In the loud distance the scooter Gang, halfway down the Old White Hose Pike shouted "Magoo, your Lebaron smells like old people!"