Sea Isle 2020 What Could Go Wrong?

Sea Isle Dress Rehearsal

CBC held the exclusive rights for the first Saturday Night game in Atco

The lights dimmed low as the curtain rises to an Evil Mogilny alone on the stage.  "My brother, where is he? My brother how could he betray me?"  The piano started to play as Evil Mogilny began to sing with a spotlight beaming from the orchestra pit.  "My brother Mogilny, he is not Evil like me."

"Stop it! Stop it right there! No! no! no!..  The lines are "Mogilny where is he? Mogilny my brother the good Mogilny. I've left my IROC-Z at Hooters, I shall defeat he.  Get out of my way Mogilny, I'm Evil Mogilny."   Are you even trying to remember your lines? We have only one week left before Sea Isle 2020 and you're stumbling over your entrance solo.  If you keep this up, we'll have to replace you with a Gang Green break-dancing number.  Either you get it right, or don't do it all."  A dis-concern Chief Editor shouted.

"Well, I would get it right, if this song made any sense.  Why did I leave my IROC at Hooters?  We all know that I wouldn't leave my IROC anywhere, I even carry a spare canister of blue gas in my trunk, just in case of emergencies."  Evil Mogilny replied. 

"I don't care about the logistics of the song.  This is supposed to be your grand entrance for your character and the audience needs to sympathize with your lost IROC-Z.  Now get back to the script and start it from the top." The Chief Editor rebutted. 

"I can't do this, I can't make a fool out of myself in front of my new girlfriend whom I just met last night at the Cow Town Rodeo."  Evil Mogilny upset, throws the script down and walks gingerly off stage. 

Regular Good Mogilny on a Zoom Conference Call from Colorado voiced his observation "Do, I still have to be here?  I know most of the musical numbers are with Evil Moginly, but I have another conference call to make with my International Pocket Pool Club."

"Fine, just go Mogilny.  I don't care anymore.  This musical production was doomed from the start.   We'll just have Evil Mogilny drive around in a Face Mask, fighting COVID-19 by pedal pushing the IROC-Z accelerator."


Dead of summer has halted the turnouts at the Atco Rink.  With the goalies dying of heat stroke and temperatures regularly in the upper 90s, play was cut short Saturday Night.  Crowds have begin to dissipate as the global pandemic has leveled off and we're in the middle of summer vacation season.

Sea Isle was moved from it's primary location in Sea Isle City to the Atco Rink, to accommodate the Faithful to stay local during the increasing COVID-19 cases at tourism areas.  A dress rehearsal of BOF vs Don was set-up to work out the kinks and get the goalies accustomed to the drastic heat of Atco. 

Only the die hard faithful showed to a modest crowd of 8 skaters and 3 vs 3 play was instituted with a substitute on each bench.   Myers was the first to bail, as he skated to the bench, took off his skates and said "I'm done, I can't take it anymore." 

Myers team was left without a substitute and Matt Truck started to skate on fumes as he showed a lackluster effort on defense.  Smoke starting to form out of Matt Truck's skates, as his radiator was overheating.  "Usually Matt Truck doesn't play much of a defensive game, but tonight he was just hanging out at the red line cherry picking.  At first, I thought I was watching one of the Cinder Twins." a bewildered Quads commented on the CBC live feed. 

A slow paced series with numerous breaks, stumble along to game 5 with Matt Truck's team ahead 2-1 in game 5.  Right after a Goalie TV Timeout, play was restarted with AI skating up the rink and feeding Eli skating unattested by Matt Truck, who had his emergency brake on in the defensive end.  Eli alone on a 2-0 with AI, faked a pass and fired a backhand that hit BOF's chest protector and trickled in the net.  The game was tied 2-2, BOF got his water bottled and walked off the rink to conclude Saturday Night Hockey.  "It's too hot to play goal with no defense." BOF remarked as he stormed off the rink. 

The CBC live feed cut to black and aired an episode of Ace's sitcom, Aces with brooms.  A Canadian curling romp suitable for the entire family. 

Check out the CBC Classic Aces with Brooms weeknights

The dress rehearsal ended and more accommodations will have to be made for goaltender safety.  For next week's much anticipated Sea Isle game, there will be 3 goalies, so at least one goalie will have a break.  A designated rest area for the goalies, will be accompanied by cooling fans and an icebox full of Capri Sun juice boxes.   A pit crew will be on standby to undress the goalie, change their soaking wet equipment, and air dry the exhausted goalie with an air compressor. 

It was a tough week for the goalies as play was abruptly cut short each night due to the extreme weather conditions.  Eli commented on the recent trend, "It's been an odd summer, we had goalies pulled, benched, and walk off.  It seems we can't get any consistency."

Usually during this time of year the Faithful are granted nights off to spend more time with their families and rest in the air conditioning.  But with the lock-down just being lifted, the Faithful are hockey crazed to skate in unprecedented playing conditions. 

The annual Sea Isle Game is around the corner as Evil Mogilny will once again face off against Mogilny, who is flying in from Colorado to make his annual skate with the Faithful. 

Tub's Quest

Tubs packing a snack for his journey

Sold out crowd at the Atco "Still Searching for a Prestigious Nickname" Rink last night.  Maximum capacity of 20 skaters filled the arena, where 5 vs 5 was instituted to make room for the social distancing on the benches. 

Goalies are tough to come by these days, as the depth chart had to give an Emergency Call up to Quads who made his annual appearance in net.  Sporting a backwards goalie stick, sunglasses, and a bubble mask, Quads did the Faithful a solid by suiting up last minute. 

In the other goal Tubs whom was last seen tossing his old skates in a trash can, made his return in net.  During his absence, Tubs went on an epic journey quest to find a more suitable protective athletic jock, than using Tupperware.  Far in the Japanese Alps near the Nagano Prefecture of Mount Ontake, Japan's second largest mountain and active volcano, Tubs heard the legend of Mount Ontake from his Tupperware Facebook group.  Emerged in the volcanic lava is a fiber more durable than plastic and is able to form to any person's crotch area for protection.  The samurais used this fiber for their armor during the Edo Period to defend against low blows. 

Tubs formed a rag tag bunch of mountaineers to trek to the top of Mount Ontake.  He had a local tour guy "Hansan" whom was a season climber who took groups during the climbing season from Spring to early Autumn.  Then there was "Yuuki" whom was a hip hop dancer from Tokyo that moved to the country side in the Nagano Prefecture to gain a more naturalist approach to his hip hop moves. Yuuki was employed by Hansan as a Sherpa to help the climbs and entertain the tourists with experimental pop and locking.    Then there was Uchi whom was the chef who had a small restaurant in town known for it's delicious meats.

The crew set-up base camp before the morning of their six week excursion in the Japanese Alps.  Tubs was apprehensive about the trip, he thought about purchasing a cup online at a hockey retail outlet, but didn't like the agitation by traditional hockey cups.  Hansan approached the worrisome Tubs as the fire burned bright during the cold Spring evening.   "Tubs, not to worry, I've done this climb three times a year for the past 18 years.  I know this mountain very well.  But, I must say this is the first time, looking for this fiber you're looking for.  I've heard my ancestors talk about such a fiber that it's stronger than metal and more flexible than bamboo.  If the legend is true, you'll have the best protective athletic jock ever assembled." 

Morning approached as Tubs and his Japanese crew set out for Mount Ontake. The crew would be approaching form the south side to the northern part of the Japanese Alps, as the terrain was much easier to navigate.   Yuuki with his spirits high was inspired to pop and lock some new moves while wearing a traditional African dashiki with bright red, blue, and green colors. 

As the weeks progressed, the crew were making great strides getting to the summit of Mount Ontake.  The weather started to take a more negative impact as the temperatures starting to drop at night.  Uchi having difficulties keeping the fire strong while cooking his mouthwatering meats, had to improvise by burning some dry paper products.   Hansan was upset that Uchi had used the maps to fuel the fire. 

"Uchi, you idiot!  Why are you using our maps for the fire?" Hansan yelled. 

"I need something to keep the fire going, these maps were only the paper I could find." Uchi replied. 

"I don't see what the problem is here.  It's 2020 and we can just use our phones for navigation, it's not like we really needed these paper maps."  Uchi commented. 

"Those maps are ancient relics, that have all of the hidden passageways to the summit.  The maps on our phone don't have that.  Go ask Siri, for directions to the summit, if you're so brilliant."  Hansan remarked. 

"But, I had to make sure the meats were cooked with the proper temperature.  We can't eat under-cooked meats, we need energy to continue this expedition.  I 'm not going to prepare cold vegetables.  Meat is the purity of man, and to replenished the soul we need the highest grade of beef cooked at the precise temperature.  Uchi remarked. 

"I love meat just as much as you, but we're going to have to turn around and proceed back.  There is no way we can continue with the harsh temperatures and no detail maps to guide us."  Hansan rebutted. 

It was week four and the crew still had two more weeks until the summit.  But with Uchi using the maps to cook his scrumptious meats, the crew had to make a decision to either continue with no maps or turn around and backtrack to base camp. 

Tubs didn't want to turn around, as wanted to continue his search for the fiber that would protect his genitals.  "Guys, is there anyway we can continue?  I've paid you my life savings for this trip, and don't want to turnaround at this point.  You don't know what's it like to wear a Tupperware container as a protective cup.  It's fucking miserable, and I'm not giving in to the big corporations and their conformist graphite jock straps."

Hansan tried to plead with Tubs "I'm so sorry what happen with the maps, but I don't think it's safe to continue.  The weather has turned on us and if we want to proceed we would be jeopardizing our lives."

"I thought you knew this land so well, you didn't need a map.  What kind of bullshit racket are you trying to pull here?  If this was America, I would want to speak to the manager at this point." Tubs replied. 

Hansan might have overestimated his knowledge of the Japanese Alps, but didn't want to back down to this fiber crazed American.  "Okay, we're going to continue.  But, I must warn you of the danger.  I will lead you the rest of the way, but the rest of my crew I'm going to send home.  Uchi, and Yuuki get your belongings together and make your way back to base camp.  I'll continue with Mister Tubs to the summit."

As the sun rose the next morning, the frost covered the high untamed grass, while dark looming clouds in the distance moved slowly to the campsite.  Yuuki and Uchi said their goodbyes and left to return to base camp.  Tubs and Hansan carrying their own gear and with limited food supplies, would just have enough to reach summit. 

Hansan using landmarks, would navigate the rest of the way without the maps that were thrown into the fire by the inept Uchi.  The clouds turned black as night, unleashing freezing rain and hail on the two.  Visibility was near impossible, but Tubs and Hansan continued towards Mount Ontake. 

The weather didn't let up in the upcoming weeks, the ground was stiff and mucky.  It was a grueling march to hike through the treacherous countryside.  There was so much mud on their hiking boots, and their feet soaked from the damp conditions they had developed trench foot. 

Hansan having difficulties to continue as he feet were swollen, every step he took was in utter pain and discomfort.  "Tubs, I can't go much further.  I need to rest, I can't feel my feet anymore."

"No, we must go on, I smell the melting lava of Mount Ontake.  We have to be close, we can't stop now. " Tubs replied. 

Hansan covered in mud, was slipping in agony.  He fell to the ground, and was crying in pain to Tubs." I can't go on anymore.  Go on without me, I can't go any further.  I'm going to die here in the sacred ground of the mountain gods.  Please go on and get your fiber.  I hope you're athletic cup will bring great honor to your goaltender capabilities.  I'm no more for this land." 

Tubs stopped and turned to Hansan to see if he could revive him from the soil.  "Hansan get up!"

Hansan's breath had stopped, as he had succumbed defeat to the mountain.  Tubs checked for a pulse and gave him a farewell. "Hansan I won't forget you.  I'll tell your family that you were heroic in our quest."

Alone, Tubs was close to the fiber that had eluded him all these weeks.  Rain continued to obstruct his view, but Tubs was determine to march forward to Mount Ontake.  As he was getting near, the black ashes of the active volcano had hit his face along with the cold spring rain.  Tubs pushed with every ounce of energy he had left. It was six weeks since he left base camp, and he was on the verge of the summit. 

Tubs sloshed through the sacred soil of Mount Ontake, and had finally reached the summit.   He looked into the prehistoric crater and saw the hot steam resonating.   His fiber was emerged into the lava and would have to be carefully extracted using a hockey stick made out of impenetrable galvanized steel.  Tubs lowered his stick into the bubbling crater, and cradled the lava into a bucket of water to cool.  Once in the bucket, the lava diminished and he saw it.  The fiber glistening in the bucket, glowing from the cooled lava.  It was there, the fiber he had traveled so far. He was eager to touch it, to make sure it was as durable as he heard from his Tupperware Facebook Group.  As the steam dissolved, he lifted the fiber in the air, and screamed aloud to the dark skies above "There shall be only one!"

Back to the game, it was a back and forth tilt as both teams were lighting up Quads and Tubs in net.  G-Man with the game on his stick in Game 7 overtime, shot a towering one-timer low and to the entire empty space Quads had neglected to block.  G-Man fist pumped and shouted with enjoyment as he ended the night with the game winner. 

Tubs in the other net, paused after the game had concluded, and looked at his cup he had formed out of the volcanic lava from Mount Ontake, "Damn, this new cup doesn't feel very comfortable."

Sabato Salvages the Reopening of the Atco Rink

Sabato showing off the guns during last year's Sea Isle trip. 

Amidst the cloud of high racial tensions in town, the Faithful return to the Atco Rink to bring peace, love, and hockey back to the local community. 

On the Fourth of July, A Black Lives Matter Protest was held in town to promote equality for people of color and to spark conversations about police brutality from the George Floyd murder. The local townspeople non too pleased to listen to any racial equality demonstrations, decided to organized a counter Patriot March held at the Atco Rink.  One of the fanatical nationalist draped in patriotic paraphernalia addressed the crowd of enraged suburbanites.

"It's the Fourth of July and these damn minorities want to take our day away to promote equality.  Well guess what if you don't like this country, get the fuuuuck out.  My family has lived in this town since Chester A. Arthur was in office, and there is no ounce of racism here.  This is America land of the free.  Don't be taking any of our jobs!"

Instead of welcoming the Black Lives Matter Protests, social media sparked hatred towards the group as a previous protest was cancelled due to one of the organizers receiving death threats and being harassed at her place of work. It has been one side fighting against the other which only showed the ugly prejudiced seeds still planted in town. 

A rather upset civil rights leader Quad "F Kennedy" Skates was disturb how the town treated the Black Lives Matter Movement, "Let these Black Lives Matter people have their marches, I don't see what the problem is here.  There is a civil unrest in our country and these marches shine a light on the continuous racial problems.  All I heard on social media was what about the looting and rioting?  What is left in this town to riot and loot?  The Waterford Township Council has already looted the townspeople over the pass 15 years by letting the majority of businesses to leave.  What remains is a Dollar Store and the Carpet Store in town.  Are people going to break into Atco Carpet and steal boards of carpet samples.  People in this town act like their lives are fine, so they don't care about the disfranchised people in society.  Their solution was to say fuck you we're going to have our own protest during the same time, same place, and show people of color that we don't give a fuck about them."

The Faithful waiting since mid March when the Coronavirus Pandemic closed the luxurious Atco Rink,  we're finally permitted to return with strict CDC guidelines. Each player will have to have a temperature check before allowed on the rink, each player has to keep social distancing on the benches, each player has to bring hand sanitizer and a copy of Joel Otto's Hockey Fundamentals.  Which is basically a fan fiction copy of the 1986 film Youngblood but the main character stars Joel Otto not Rob Lowe as Dean Youngblood. 

Order today at your local hockey pro shop "Joel Otto's Hockey Fundamentals"  

In the desperation of finding goalies during the hot summer months, Speedy was called up again from the Albany Land Otters to get another shot in net.  Fans were anxious to see how Speedy would respond from his poor outing last time, when he was pulled in the middle of the series for the extra attacker. 

This time around Speedy was just as disinterested as his previous performance, by getting shelled in 5 games.  He was immediately pulled for Sabato who brought his goalie equipment just in case Speedy was to be pulled.  Speedy dejected took the pads off and called an Uber back to the Chinatown Bus Station. 

After the debacle of the first series, Sabato suited up for a more competitive series verse Jason in net.  The weltering humidity and the large rink size tired the Faithful, as players were leaving early. It went from 2 subs on each bench to a mere 3 vs 3 iron man finale. 

Robo was traded to team Chief Editor and Scores A Lot by the G-Man unit who was compensated with a future 2021 fourth round draft pick.  With the teams comprised of the Chief Editor, Robo, Scores A Lot, and Jason in net vs G-Man, AI, Eli, and Sabato as the keeper for the final game. 

It was first announced that the final game would end at 5 goals, the wide open play of 3 vs 3 would make it a quick conclusion.  But Sabato showed cat like reflexes positioning himself deep in his crease and using his over-sized leg pads to take up most of the net.  Scores A Lot and The Chief Editor peppered Sabato who was on the top of his game. 

Eli and AI counter with a run and gun style of play using the entire rink with their speed finding each other on odd man rushes.  AI shielded the ball with his elusive cutting and turning skating abilities, commanded the rink. 

Robo was in awe by the play by AI, "It was pure art watching AI play in the open space tonight.  I felt like I was watching Baryshnikov at his peak during the 1970s male ballet circuit.  With each stride, AI was masterful in his body movements and elegant with his balance.  His skating was nothing short of phenomenal and controlled the ball while he dazzled everyone with his wheels."

With the score 2-1 in favor of team Scores A Lot, AI sent a breakout pass to a streaking Eli who was fired out of a cannon down the wing.  The Chief Editor defended Eli by directing him to the outside, by Eli lowered his shoulder and powered his way to the net.  Eli fighting off the Chief Editor was holding his stick with one handed and dragged the ball on his backhand to beat Jason five hole. 

The game tied 2-2, the night winding down in the final minutes.  The faithful gassed by exerting every bit of energy to finish the series.  The previous announcement of finishing the game in 5 goals was reduced to only 3 goals.

Hunched over to catch another breath, sweat dripping down the remaining of the faithful whom bore the heat were soaked in perspiration.  It was down to the final goal to determine the conqueror of endurance.  The Chief Editor retrieved the ball out of Jason's net to reset for the final rush of the night.  As the Chief Editor looked to begin his push he heard a loud roar from his goalie Jason.  "I''m done guys!  I'm going to shit my pants right now.  I don't feel like dropping shorts on the beach volleyball court."

No victor was crowned, the faithful agreed to call it a draw for the night. 

Hockey Gods Say Hooooooo

Gidel making good use of his $500 Umbrella 

The moths and misquotes began to swarm feverishly on a hot and humid night at the Gardens.  Memories of previous summer nights, where the visibility was near impossible to play since these insects hovered a cloud of aggravation.  A few rain drops began to fall and the mega-sized moths starting to hum violently as they knew what was coming from the Hockey Gods above. 

Before the game, negotiations with the mayor's office of a decision to officially open up the Atco Rink July 6 were ironed out with CDC guidelines to follow.  The Street Hockey Macho Dads again tried to foil the Faithful's plan of returning to the Atco Rink.  Demands of signing and notarizing a hold harmless waiver by each player who participated in any pick-up games was requested to the Waterford Faithful.   As these waivers were labeled as a "Waiver for an Organization that is not an Organization" and was only drafted for the Waterford Faithful to sign. Meanwhile nobody else using the public parks in town would have to sign a waiver.  A few arguments were presented that the Faithful were once again getting targeting unfairly, and the waivers were thrown out and forgotten. 

Waterford's favorite sea captain Peg Leg decided to anchor up to shore with no goalie equipment and ankle busting Mission Skates from the mid 2000s.  With every stride Peg Leg was having difficulties staying upright and was so infuriated with his balance, he tore off his shirt and played bare chest the rest of the evening. 

Quads was perplexed by the actions of Peg Leg throughout the night "Man that Peg Leg guy really has a lot of pent up anger,  He skates and then he rips off his shirt, throws his stick and then complains about his teammates aren't making quick enough line changes.  I liked him a lot better when he was hobbling in the goal crease.  Also he looks like a guy from a movie that was made, you know the movie with a guy that resembles what Peg Leg looks like."   

The bench shrugged their shoulders and AI's only memory was of a Sasquatch bare-chest basketball scene in Along Came Polly the 2004 film staring Ben Stiller.  No link to follow, as I watched this gripping form of cinema with mediocre amusement. 

It was a fast paced series, as the talent was compromised of skill and speed.  The only Speed not on the rink, was Speedy who's Chinatown Bus ticket turned out to be a counterfeit Take out Menu and returned back to the Gardens as a skater.   The fans booed every-time Speedy touched the ball as they were not forgiving by his uninspired goalie performance Saturday Night.

Don was in net, shaking the rust and sweating the gallons of water with every butterfly save.  For a goalie that was out of action for several months, Don looked sharp.  But as the night wore on the fatigue and heat exhaustion were apparent. 

Hawthorne was impressed by the return of Don in net "After the debacle with Speedy on Saturday Night it was great to see a goalie giving his all.  I can't believe Don suited up in this unbearable heat and never complained."

Game 3 in the second series, Don was showing signs of tiredness with every save.  Peg Leg finally getting his wish, the crowd thinned out in the later hours and playing time was plentiful. 

Peg Leg was heard inspiring his favorite teammate "Hawthorne I'm open! Hawthorne send it up! Hawthorne I'm right here buddy!  Hawthorne dangle it baby!  Hawthorne shoot it! Hawthorne I love you man!"

Hawthorne and Peg Leg formed a dynamic duo that was being defended by a sluggish Don who was barely getting up anymore.  A few rain drops sprinkle the rink, a few more.  Hawthorne behind the net trying to find his Peg Leg teammate.  The thumbing of rain continued.  Peg Leg wide open in the slot fired a shot. Stick save by Don.  Hawthorne retrieved the rebound in the corner fed a hungry Peg Leg again. Blocker save by Don.

Sounds of the misquotes were silent and the Hockey Gods unleashed the pitch black skies.  The rink flooded with intensified rain, Hawthorne once again fed a wide open Peg Leg who skated all alone on Don.  Peg Leg slipping in the rain, anchored on his wooden limb, fired a slapper right into Pope's Petunia Plants.

The ball was lost, the rain splattered the Faithful, the game was called for the evening. 

That's Game Boys!

 

Speedy Pulled in Defeat

Speedy's Off Ice Training Program 

The long awaited return of the Googily Gazette taking a 6 year hiatus, fighting with local government officials and plumpy power hungry street hockey Dads, the Chief Editor is back.  A lot has happen since the golden era of the RJ Goaltender Factory. 

A new full size rink was built in downtown Atco, but not with a lot of controversy.  The Waterford Township Athletic Association fought tooth and nail with the Waterford Faithful to keep skaters off the rink.  The faithful rose up against the tyranny of the Waterford Township Committee, attending numerous public town meetings and going door to door for petition signatures.  The Waterford Faithful in the end won over the Township Committee and was granted the right to skate on the new Atco hockey rink.  

But not all is peaceful in the Waterford Metropolitan Area, as a global pandemic has closed the new Atco rink, and the Faithful have been forced out of town to organize any gatherings.  On June 22 Waterford Township allowed for play to continue at the prestigious Waterford Gardens, but the Atco "No Catchy Nickname Yet" Rink is still closed to the public.  

The German who's being playing at the gardens since he was a der Junge in lederhosen, is now a grown Deutsche Boy pouring cold refreshments at the Waterford Bier Haus.  On a lazy hot summer afternoon, the German decided to organized an impromptu late night Saturday game at Waterford.    

With a shortage of goalies, Speedy was promoted from the Waterford Affiliate in Albany, the Albany Land Otters for the prime-time Saturday skate.  Speedy suffering from back pain, was injured prior to game time performing acrobatic flips from his trampoline into his swimming pool.   

"What was wrong with that goalie?  I'm busting my ass lifting transmissions in a '17' Nissan Pathfinder, and this kid goes and hurts himself performing Cirque du Soleil flips from the high top." Quads angrily commented. 

Just another day at the office for Quads

A first in Waterford Hockey History as a goalie was pulled late in the best of seven series for an extra attacker.  Chief Editor made the motion during game 6 for an early shower for Speedy.  Quads coming off the bench depleted by the effort he had to exert from the transmission he had lifted, was sent in as the extra attacker.   With their backs against the wall, and an empty net, Eli and the Chief Editor scored two unanswered goals to force a decisive game 7. 

Eli replied about the effort of his team in Game 6  "Pulling the goalie gave the team an extra spark.  The boys were getting tired of giving up their bodies for Speedy that wasn't clearly interested in playing goal.  I was having flashbacks of Paul the Wall's nonchalant goaltender style."  

The series went to a final game 7, where Quads was playing goal with the empty net. Scores a Lot took advantage of the empty net being protected by a defenseless Quads, finished off game 7 scoring the game winning goal.  

A dejected Chief Editor addressed his team after the completion of the series.  "Well boys we tried, we did the unthinkable by pulling our goalie for the advantage of the extra attacker.  Quads did his best with no goalie equipment protecting the goal.  Those roller skates were only designed for shuffling and twirling, not for playing goalie.  " 

Speedy was immediately sent back to Albany on the Chinatown Bus and had no comment on his lackluster effort.