Friday, January 22, 2010
Hot Tub Time Machine
eventful.com/campaigns/hottub/philadelphia
Save the date for a free showing of Hot Tub Time Machine. I'm going to the March 2 , 730pm, showing at the Ritz East
Save the date for a free showing of Hot Tub Time Machine. I'm going to the March 2 , 730pm, showing at the Ritz East
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Matinee Hockey
Spring has come early for Waterford Hockey. Saturday afternoon temperature reach the upper 50s, with a full crowd in attendance.
Star Goaltender Brian Boytanio made an unlikely apperance in net. His performance was rather mediocre allowing the Arena Brothers numerous goals between his legs. Master P phoned in live via satellite from an unknown location, made the following comment; "Boytanio stop spreading you legs wide open for the Arena Brothers. This is a family environment, nobody wants to see that."
Boytanio was a last minute replacement for Gang Green, who passed out alongside of the White Horse Pike, while attempting to bike from Voorhees. We luckily have a voicmail from our tragic Gang Green.
"Hi, its Gang Green. (very heavy breathing ) Its about 1230pm, and I'm near the Century Buffet across the PATCO High Speed Line in Lindenwold. I just wanted to call to reveal my new nicknames I came up with while riding my bicycle. Gang Bicycle, Gang Armstrong, Gang 12speed, Gang Saving the Environment, Gang low CO2 emissions, Gang No Gas, Gang Thick Thighs, Gang Marathon, Gang Tour De Force, Gang Handlebars, Gang Banana Seat, Gang Pedals, Gang Doing My part for a more Greener World, and Gang Sexy Caffs. Let me know what you think, and I'm not going to make it for hockey today. OK Bye"
Even without the presence of Gang Green in net, it was a remarkable day of hockey. Next schedule date will be Martin Luther King Day. A night game start time at 7pm. It will be the 11year anniversary of the infamous "War Machine Open Hockey Brawl". Come early and reenact "the kick" that cause such a riotous reaction 11 years ago.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Waterford Hockey on Ice!
Due to the altercations from the Montel Laser Light Show, Waterford Hockey is keeping a low profile from the arrested drunk driver. Hockey will be played on your local ponds, as seen in the picture above, of Alexander Mogilny attempting a hockey stop.
Shove those roller blades away, and brush off those ice skates for 2010 winter pond hockey. Today had 7skaters: Mogilny, Gee Smiley, Boytanio, Buzz Killington, and Arena. Not to mention the arrival of our first international participant Max who flew in from Russia for the event.
It was a grueling contest of 4-3 pond hockey, with a orange street cone as the goaltender. The rules were takebacks, than to score a goal someone had to shoot the puck inside the turnover cone.
Buzz Killington was in his truest form, as a pond hockey beast. He was rather upset about the recent Health Care Bill that was being pass in Congress. He used his angry by believing the black puck was President Obama's head to score goals
Boytanio looked a little rusty from his figure skating days in "88. His skating wasn't up to par, but his defensive position was top notch. He had a little heated debate with Buzz Killington about the Health Care benefits in Canada.
"Canada isn't as great as they make it out to be. I know I've been Buzz Killing in the Canadian Mountains, and it wasn't total crap of what kind of Health Care they have. Like you have to wait really long to see a Doctor, and plus they speak French the entire time. How I'm suppose to tell the Doctor I have a tore ACL, if they speak that WE WE Froggy shit." Buzz Killington remarked
"How do you know Killington? Have you ever been to Canada yourself ? Boytanio asked
"No, but my Uncle is a CFO for one of the major health care companies here. And he was telling me that the United States of America has the greatest health care plan in the World." Buzz Killington answered
"That doesn't make any sense. It sounds like your Uncle is feeding you a bunch of propaganda, because he works for the health care companies." Boytanio replied
"No that isn't true Boytanio. If you don't like it. You can get ouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt!!!!" Buzz Killington grunted
So Boytanio realizing he wasn't getting anywhere in this conversation, didn't bother to comment anymore about the sensitive subject of Health Care. It was too nice of a day to be arguing.
The sun was shining to add warmth to the frigid temperatures. The ice was crisp and solid. The air was cold, that with every skating stride you had to catch your breath. The puck was gliding across a clean sheet of ice. The backdrop in the distance of pine trees was surreal. It was a day of pond hockey.
Monday, January 4, 2010
Montel Laser Light Show Ends in Police Chase
Live outside of the Waterford Township Municipal Building here is our reporter on the scene.
"Hi this is Dan Greenoff for the Googily Gazette News
A fun evening of hockey, and a Montel Laser Light Show turned to tragedy when a local man was arrested for a DUI.
It all started as a typical night of Monday hockey, with a full crowd of 16 skaters and 2 goalies. During the first intermission a treat to all spectators, a Montel Laser Light Show. A full spectrum of colorful lights painted the Waterford night sky. An even more pristine scene was the light snow fall which had added a white backdrop.
These Laser Lights were control by a sensitive laser machine, that produce colors and pictures from a Free-Electron Laser (FEL). It provides intense beams of laser light that can be tuned to a precise wavelength. Electrons are stripped from their atoms and whipped up to high energies by a linear accelerator. From there, they are steered into a wiggler, a device that uses magnetic fields to shake the electrons, forcing them to release some of their energy in the form of photons. This was all programed by Montel himself.
A rowdy disgruntle fan was outrage of the inaccurate laser light photons. He was causing a disruption by loudly shouting the following statement.
"Those photons are suppose to bounce between two mirrors and are then emitted as a coherent beam of light. But these photons are emitting light by increasing the energies of the electrons in the accelerator. What kind of bullshit light show is this!"
The gentlemen was told repeatedly to calm down, and to park his truck in the proper parking space. But he refused to corroborate and proceeded to drink and drive around the park.
Mogilny was in disbelief of what he saw "This guy shows up drunk, starts to scream about photons, than he backs up back and forth in his truck until he hits a fence. Like just sit down and enjoy the light show. Its only backyard hockey buddy."
Volunteer Firefighter Porkchop had enough of this belligerent stranger, and got on his CB radio and phoned in a drunk driver at the Waterford Gardens. The stranger continue to back up and forth, until he finally turned out of the Waterford Park Facility.
Sirens were heard as the stranger pulled out of the park, a cop immediately turned around and followed the Drunk Driver down the Old White Horse Pike. As the cop pulled the stranger over, he immediately made a run for it. He jumped out of his red "98 Ford F-250, and made a run for the woods. He made it about 4 meters before 5 cops trampled his drunken arrogance to the curb.
Monday Night hockey continue in spite of the mad police chase. It will go down as one of those nights "remember when that drunk guy showed up and totally bashed Montel's light show. Than his head was bashed into the ground in a crazy police pursuit."
Next schedule matchup will be Sat Jan 9 at 1pm. If anybody wants to play pond hockey contact the VSN headquarters. This is Dan Greenoff for the Googily Gazette news signing off.
"Hi this is Dan Greenoff for the Googily Gazette News
A fun evening of hockey, and a Montel Laser Light Show turned to tragedy when a local man was arrested for a DUI.
It all started as a typical night of Monday hockey, with a full crowd of 16 skaters and 2 goalies. During the first intermission a treat to all spectators, a Montel Laser Light Show. A full spectrum of colorful lights painted the Waterford night sky. An even more pristine scene was the light snow fall which had added a white backdrop.
These Laser Lights were control by a sensitive laser machine, that produce colors and pictures from a Free-Electron Laser (FEL). It provides intense beams of laser light that can be tuned to a precise wavelength. Electrons are stripped from their atoms and whipped up to high energies by a linear accelerator. From there, they are steered into a wiggler, a device that uses magnetic fields to shake the electrons, forcing them to release some of their energy in the form of photons. This was all programed by Montel himself.
A rowdy disgruntle fan was outrage of the inaccurate laser light photons. He was causing a disruption by loudly shouting the following statement.
"Those photons are suppose to bounce between two mirrors and are then emitted as a coherent beam of light. But these photons are emitting light by increasing the energies of the electrons in the accelerator. What kind of bullshit light show is this!"
The gentlemen was told repeatedly to calm down, and to park his truck in the proper parking space. But he refused to corroborate and proceeded to drink and drive around the park.
Mogilny was in disbelief of what he saw "This guy shows up drunk, starts to scream about photons, than he backs up back and forth in his truck until he hits a fence. Like just sit down and enjoy the light show. Its only backyard hockey buddy."
Volunteer Firefighter Porkchop had enough of this belligerent stranger, and got on his CB radio and phoned in a drunk driver at the Waterford Gardens. The stranger continue to back up and forth, until he finally turned out of the Waterford Park Facility.
Sirens were heard as the stranger pulled out of the park, a cop immediately turned around and followed the Drunk Driver down the Old White Horse Pike. As the cop pulled the stranger over, he immediately made a run for it. He jumped out of his red "98 Ford F-250, and made a run for the woods. He made it about 4 meters before 5 cops trampled his drunken arrogance to the curb.
Monday Night hockey continue in spite of the mad police chase. It will go down as one of those nights "remember when that drunk guy showed up and totally bashed Montel's light show. Than his head was bashed into the ground in a crazy police pursuit."
Next schedule matchup will be Sat Jan 9 at 1pm. If anybody wants to play pond hockey contact the VSN headquarters. This is Dan Greenoff for the Googily Gazette news signing off.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Boogie Down Porkchop Dance Party
The icicles frozen to the Waterford Hockey rink, couldn't keep away the faithful in carloads of eager participants in the first annual "Chia Pet Porkchop Winter Classic Dance Party."
Temperatures were in the lower teens and at one point reach a meager 9 degrees. Game time attendance was at all time high with 20 skaters and 2 goalies to set a 2009 record.
Mr.Chop himself starting the event by bringing his Casio silver boom box, with 12 D size batteries. He pop in his mix tape, and the party had officially started.
His first dance, was to the tune of Rick James "Super Freak". He position the boom box in the middle of the center face off circle. He was procedding with a few toe tapping moves that would put the Lord of the Dance to shame.
PorkChop had the crowd in a frenzy when he attempted a double back flip split, over his Casio sliver boom box. As he was building up furious speed around his own blue-line, he tripped over a a phantom rock that has haunted previous Waterford Hockey players.
The Chop, landed face first before the third chorus of "Super Freak" had ended. He had to be carried off in a stretcher, he didn't have any movement in his upper Chop body. But he did manage to give a thumbs up to the crowd to show his gratitude.
So with 19 skaters, 2 goalies, and 1 boom box the nigh continue in the honor of a Mr. PorkChop.
Temperatures were in the lower teens and at one point reach a meager 9 degrees. Game time attendance was at all time high with 20 skaters and 2 goalies to set a 2009 record.
Mr.Chop himself starting the event by bringing his Casio silver boom box, with 12 D size batteries. He pop in his mix tape, and the party had officially started.
His first dance, was to the tune of Rick James "Super Freak". He position the boom box in the middle of the center face off circle. He was procedding with a few toe tapping moves that would put the Lord of the Dance to shame.
PorkChop had the crowd in a frenzy when he attempted a double back flip split, over his Casio sliver boom box. As he was building up furious speed around his own blue-line, he tripped over a a phantom rock that has haunted previous Waterford Hockey players.
The Chop, landed face first before the third chorus of "Super Freak" had ended. He had to be carried off in a stretcher, he didn't have any movement in his upper Chop body. But he did manage to give a thumbs up to the crowd to show his gratitude.
So with 19 skaters, 2 goalies, and 1 boom box the nigh continue in the honor of a Mr. PorkChop.
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