Wet Hot. The All American Goaltender

"Wet Hot...Wet Hot...Wet Hot....Wet Hot....Wet Hot...." were the thunderous chants from the Waterford Hockey bleachers last night.

Dave Lang, (scene in the photo above kissing a bag of Synder's of Hanover Mini Pretzels) debut his first game in net.  He had some precautionary words, for his fellow teammates before the game.

"Guys, I just want to tell everyone that I'm having a hard time catching things in my glove.  So I'm going to use my catching glove as an additional blocker.  Be prepare for rebounds going to my right side of the net, as I'm having a difficult time catching balls.  Also the chest and arm protectors, are really small so if you hear me yell at the top of my lungs, it means that I was hit in an unprotected area.  I have only one request. 

That you douse me with water, every time I make a save.  You see I spit fire.  And when a shot hits me, I have a fire convulsion that erupts out of my mouth.  So if you see my American Bandanna on fire.  Its ok.  Just use the water bucket to tame it out." 

Wet Hot.  The All American Goaltender showcased a clinic on goaltending last night.  His reactions were quick, his positioning was correct, his rebounds went into the far right corner, and his opponent had only the sky to look up at in shame.

Robo was baffled at the quality of Wet Hot.  The All American Goaltender.
"Every time I get a scoring opportunity, my internal circuitry goes haywire.  Even with my new NASA approved anti-gravity skates, nothing is working properly.  Its like Wet Hot, has an superior force-field hovering around his goalie crease."

The opponents were so frustrated, that A1 Steak Sauce tipped over and cause a massive Steak Sauce spill, that could be detected by NASA Satellite photos. 

The fans covered in A-1 steak sauce, chanted "Wet Hot...Wet Hot..Wet Hot...Wet Hot...Wet Hot....Wet Hot...Wet Hot...Wet Hot... Wet Hot..."

A new Goaltender legend has emerged.  

Master P Goodbye Party Mon April 12, 2pm-?

Location: Mogilny Playhouse
320 East Weymouth rd, Buena, NJ 08310

This is your last chance to party with the Master P.  

Its very hard to say goodbye to a person that has given Waterford Hockey so much.  From his early Clone War days with George, to his Car Arena basketball games, or his Cocoa Puffs war with Bauer Stick Model number#38104.

Master P's caravan is leaving on Tues April 13, so this will be his last day ever in New Jersey.

His home planet Kruger Xion 12, has a assignment for Master P to harvest the Northern California forest in search of fertile cocoa puff soil.  

So to commemorate such a solider in the Waterford Faithful Brigade Regiment, Monday April 12, at the Mogilny playhouse in Buena, we will celebrate the Master P's honor with free food, free alcoholic drinks, wiffle ball, scuba diving, beach volleyball, Sega Game Gear Games, Live Entertainment, Botchie Ball, Horseback riding,  Fireworks, Laser Tag, Watermelon Eating Contest, A punch bowl of Cocoa Puffs, and a freestyle Rap battle between Master P and Gang Green.

Monday April 12 at 2pm-to the break of dawn, or whenever Master P's caravan beams him up.

Gang Green Dominates the World

In the second game, of the Waterford Home and Home series this week, Gang Green took the lone spotlight with his spectacular performance.  He faced 67 shots while only giving up 5 goals in his heroic effort.  His signature save of the night was a dramatic toe save on Montel's breakaway.

Montel took a breakout pass from Mr.Robo, and deke Chip Douglass out of his skates on defense.  It was just Gang Green who stood in the way of a highlight reel Montel goal.  The ball was dragged off the rugged Waterford Hockey surface onto Montel's blade.  He move left, than right.  Gang Green was flopping around trying to determine which way Montel was going.  Finally the ball was flipped off of Montel's skate and batted in mid-air.  Gang Green turned in the wrong direction, kicked his legs in the air, and deflected the ball with his toe.

The Waterford Crowd went into a frenzy, screaming and throwing free banana bread vouchers onto the playing surface. 

Gene(new Waterford Icon) had a very interesting perspective about the save.
 "I had a hard time coming back on defense to help-out my goaltender Gang Green.  You see I've been going through a wheel crisis at the moment, and only have one wheel on each skate.  Its tough times for Gene, nobody wants to hire a middle age Vietnam Vet, that has a liking to humping fridges.  What went wrong in this country that a grown man, can't hump a large cooling electrical machine.  Its the only thing that keeps me going anymore.  Now can you excuse me, I have to put mud on my ass."

Waterford Faithful Brigade will take its show on the road Sat evening in Berlin at 7pm.  For further details please call A1 Steak Sauce.

Waterford Hockey Welcomes a New Icon

Important Master P Announcement

Our beloved Master P, who has volunteer for our country, and has been a loyal Waterford Faithful Brigade member for 15 years will be shipping off next month on April 13.  Master P will be in the California State Forest clearing trails, and rescuing wildlife from vicious predators. 

It is sad to see Master P leave us once again, but we salute his courageous efforts in volunteering for the United States of America.

So to honor Master P, we'll be having a  Waterford Tailgate Party on Sat March 27, at 4pm.  Hot dogs and Hamburgers will be grilled by Head Chef Mogilny.  Also Evil Mogilny will be giving free rides on his 86 Camaro IROC-Z  for all boys and girls. 

It will also conclude Master P month with special prizes and giveaways.  I think somebody might leave home with an embroider t-shirt of our honoree.

If you see Master P over the next few days give him a pat on the back, and wish him luck on preserving our national parks. 

Vandals Beware

Waterford Hockey is under attack by a viscous group of teenage vandals.  One of the boards was smashed, and bended backwards near the Zamboni entrance.  This was a previous board that was repaired by two metal signs that were bolted together to uphold the structure. 

These "riff raffs"  purposely bent the board, so it would be an obstruction to the Waterford Playing Grounds.  They also spilled motor oil around the sand trap, and took a dump in "Big Blues" mouth.  The entire Waterford Facility is covered in water bottles, Cheeto bags, pizza boxes, broken sticks, beer bottles, and tv dinner containers.

Local authorities have threaten to shut down the lights.,and have no interest in helping the Waterford community . 
"We have more important problems to handle in the Waterford Metropolitan area."

Master commented by adding
"This town has a serious problem with deer rape in the state forest."

Local humanitarian Brian Barlow, scene in the photo below.  Repaired the broken board, with his electric saw, and screw gun. 

                                                                              photo by Staff Photographer Robo Legs

At the moment the board is fixed, but the lingering trash is still scattered throughout the facility. 

Gang Green was rather upset about the destruction of the rink, and had an important message to these "riff raffs"
"If I catch, anyone vandalizing the prestigious Waterford Gardens.  I will not hesitate to use physical force, I learn in my 4hour Jiu Jitsu class.  I will use the "Kansetsu Waza", which is a joint locking technique which applies pressure on the attackers joints, and body parts.  These riff raffs will succumb to my muscular strength of tenacious take downs, and joint locking.  Their entire body will be paralyze motionless in utter despair.  Then I will strip their clothes off and create a fire with their littering debris as kindle.  They will be naked with a weakening soul of confusion.  This is just a warning.  Don't lay a hand on our rink!"

Waterford Hockey will return next week Tuesday and Wednesday

Master P Saturday

Record crowds attended the first afternoon game of Master P Month.  The following guest list included; Coldplay, Billy the Kid, Eddie the Eagle, Gang Green, Boytanio, Matt Arena, Steve Arena Clone, Gee Smiley, A few Bags, Italian, Cabbage Patch, Evil Mogilny, Jeff Hand, Montel, AI, RJ, Mrs.RJ, Daniel Sedin, and of course the honoree himself of March, Master P.

Evil Mogilny's girlfriend's son, made a unique observation of all Saturday's guest.
"Why does everybody here have a sweet ass nickname"

Festivities included genuine snacks and refreshments eaten daily by Master P.  Everyone enjoyed a punchbowl of cocoa puffs, and Mountain Dew. 

Game action went into the early evening hours.  Highlights included Gee Smiley scratching his shoulders, and Coldplay being a bust as the number 1 overall pick of the Waterford hockey draft.

Montel left very quickly after the final whistle.  Media members didn't get a chance to talk to the goal scoring juggernaut.  He also left Gang Green hanging, without a ride home.

"Montel has to give out a cash loan."  Master P explained

 

Gang Green was furious that Montel had bailed on him, without notice.

"You think, a guy who sits in front of the net all day, would have the common courtesy to drive the goalie home.  You know he isn't tired.  Next time I will strike fear in Montel's eyes, by slashing his legs.  This is such bull!"

Young Italian also displayed his frustration about Montel

"That Montel guy, is such a big bully.  He dangles short term cash loans in front of you all day.  I came here to play hockey, not be haggled by cash loan promises.  I'm just 12years old, what I'm going to do with a cash loan."

So Gang Green had to made a ride arrangement with AI.  It seemed fair that AI would take Gang Green home, since he lives about 20 minutes from the Gang Green's residence.  Still furious about Montel leaving him hung-out to dry.  Gang Green expressed angry

"Like who just gets up and leaves without acknowledging anyone.  I don't see Montel playing goalie.  I only live 5 minutes away from Montel.  He knows I don't have a license, and can't figure out the public transportation system.  I don't understand why someone who drives me home everyday would just leave me here."

Gang Green turns in the direction of AI

"Luckily I have AI whom graciously volunteer to take me home.  Wait a minute did AI just leave."

AI took a page out of Montel's goodbye manners and bolted without notice.  

"What the fuck!"  Gang Green moaned

Master P consoled our beloved stranded goaltender

"I guess nobody wants to ride with Gang Green.  The bus station is only 3miles away.  You have legs, so start walking."

Gang Green dejected and lonesome had been tossed to the curb.  No friends, no companion, or not even a shoulder to cry on.  

Gee Smiley a terrific indivual he is, provided that shoulder to cry on.  

"Come on Green, I'll take you home."

Master P Saturday had concluded, but  Master P Month marches on.  

Sunday Night hockey at 7pm, and Monday Hockey at 7pm this week.

 

Its March and its Master P Month