Whoooo 2011 NHL Season

The Great Debate

On Sunday, the Waterford Gardens will re-open to all the faithful.  On July 8, high temperatures deemed the Gardens unmanageable for proper play.  So the Waterford Hockey committee, chose to relocate for the remainder summer months.

Unable to get any cooperation from the Waterford Township council, the Waterford Gardens were shut down with no lights, broken boards, and steep cracks in the surface.  Berlin comrades A1 Steak Sauce, AI, and Hayes propose the relocation to West Berlin.  Lights were the major factor in the move, as the summer months continue with blazing hot weather.

As time went on, the crowds were sparse in Berlin.  Some days were great turnouts, others were not.  It seemed like a temporary solution, to play at night under the lights, until the weather cools down at the Waterford Gardens.  

Now, there is a great resistance to the return of the Waterford Gardens.  Hayes, has pumped propaganda into the Waterford Faithful, that the temporary move to Berlin, shall be permanent.  "Waterford is nothing but filth.  The rink, is a disgrace, it has no lights, and the locals are racists.  Last time, I played at Waterford I was insulted with Asian stereotypes.  I would like to inform everyone, that I have an outstanding driving record, and don't care much for General Tso's Chicken."

The Waterford Hockey Committee has decided to listen to a debate between the pro Berlin supporters and the pro Waterford backers.  We take you live to this monumental debate.

"Hi, I'm Dan Greenoff for the Googily Gazette news team.  Tonight, I'll be the debate moderator between Berlin vs Waterford.  We'll hear from each side, and we'll allow our readers to choose for themselves what rink shall be suitable for our valiant hockey players to play on.  Ok, first we'll hear from the leader of the Berlin side. Mr. Hayes you have the floor."

"My intentions here today, are to inform the people of this great hockey land, to choose a rink that is more suitable for night play with lights.  Safer conditions with a non-cracked surface, non broken boards, and a bigger playing surface. Any normal human being would choose to play in these conditions.  I'm not hear to judge the people of Waterford Township, but I will not tolerant being called Jackie Chan again."

Ok, to represent the Waterford Faithful, we have the Chief Editor, the founder of the Waterford Hockey Organization and local humanitarian of expanding hockey beyond its Waterford borders.

"Sorry, my fellow hockey comrades had to listen to the rant about the proud people of Waterford.  My home of outdoor hockey, has always been Waterford.  I've playing at the Tennis Courts before the Waterford Gardens were even assemble.  I'm not hear to defend this ridiculous argument, I only ask everyone here today, to comeback to the Waterford Gardens.  We might not have fancy lights, or proper boards, or even benches to sit on.  What we have at Waterford, is heart. Tonight, I brought some of that heart with me."

A rugged blond bearded man, with a flannel jack approaches the podium.  "I'm a little disoriented, I've been working 72hrs straight building and breaking down large structures.  All, I really have to say, is Fuck Berlin.  Why would anyone want to play there?  Its so much easier to drink and smoke at Waterford.  If it weren't for Waterford Hockey, I wouldn't be operating the second largest Carnival ride in the East Coast."  

Thank you both, I would like to give Berlin a chance to rebuttal.

"So, are you saying if you continue to play at Waterford, you'll have a successful career as a Carney?"

"Fuck yeah.  I can smoke weed and drink all day without anybody giving me any BS."  The rugged bearded man replies.

"That is absolutely nonsense.  The new slogan for Waterford Hockey should be, continue to play hockey here and one day you'll be operating the Whack A Mole game, and serving cotton candy."

"Now, wait a minute there slick.  I built large structures, and operate the Himalaya the second largest ride on the East Coast.  If you want to continue to bash Waterford go ahead, but if I hear another word out of your mouth insulting my responsibilities as a Carnival Maintenance Operator, I will pound you're little buddy A1 Steak Sauce up your a-hole."

 

The crowd begins to loudly cheer, and chant "P! P! P!  Master P!  Master P! Master P!" 

I believe the man with the four square wheels has the floor.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm was called here today to defend a rink that has brought so much joy and suffering over the years.  The Waterford Gardens beside its blemishes, has given me youth. Skating with toe stoppers and shuffling while celebrating a goal has invigorate my soul.  But, countless problems with the lights, and stubborn government officials have taken a burden.

I admit, Berlin has lights, and I enjoy skating in a large rink.

But, how could anyone turn their back on a rink, that has given us hockey birth. If I was a sapless Steak Sauce bottle, or an over the hill basketball player who doesn't like to practice I would also view Waterford differently.

This isn't a question about which rink is better.  I ask all of you, would you turn your back on a loyal friend that was always there.  No matter their defects, they stood by your side through the good and bad.

Waterford has always been my home, when other rinks took prejudice over my ancient skating techniques, Waterford took me in and gave me a name.  A name, I'm proud to put on my antique license plate.

The Waterford Gardens isn't a terrible place, it just needs some love."

"Viva la Quads!  Viva la Quads!"  a roar overcomes the crowd.

Sorry ladies and Gentlemen we're going to have end our debate here.  Will the Gentlemen in the Iroc and spurs take a seat.

Also, the man behind the bushes that has been pleasuring himself to the sounds of his roommate love making.  Can you wrap up your masturbating?

The man in the tron helmet, can you stop ruling the world?

I'm sorry, the android with the robotic legs, you'll have to wait your turn.

That man with his head sticking in the ceiling, can you get off your stilts?

Will, the bearded gentlemen on horseback, please exit the debate room, your horse droppings are inappropriate for this setting.

Can somebody, escort this machine that won't stop humping the side wall.  I believe his Monte Carlo is parked outside.


We're going to hear from everyone else, as this is a debate that won't be finish in one blog article.   Stay tuned as the Great Debate continues





  

Sea Isle Part Deux HD

Sea Isle 2011 HD

Double the Agent. Double the Goodness!

A blinking red light flashing on a secret message machine located in the confines of the Double Agent's hidden lair.  "DA, We have stripped the enemy of his mobile devices.  He no longer has the capability of using his cell phone, facebook, internet, or twitter accounts.  Now is the time to act.  Take out the Italian!"

The Double Agent waking from his slumber, hears the message as he washes his groggy face.  He looks into the bathroom mirror and stares at his own reflection.  "Italian you little punk, today you'll be mine. Muwhahahahhahahahhaha."

At the Waterford Gardens, still waiting for his enemy the one they call the Italian, the Double Agent goes undercover as a hapless hockey player.  He approaches a group of Waterford Hockey players and tries to reveal some information.  "Hello, I really enjoy this game of hockey. Man, I can't tell you the last time I tied up my 4 wheel skating gadgets.  Oh, what I would give to pick up a piece of lumber and swing for the fences."

Dennis Fallon one of the Waterford Hockey players in attendance, looks confused at the remarks made by the Double Agent.  "Ahh.  The only fences here are the fences to keep the ball in play.  You might want to shoot for the net buddy."

"Thanks, for the tip comrade, I will do that."  As the Double Agent replies to Dennie's helpful advice, he makes a mental note to himself.  "That Dennis guy is a douche.  Change of strategy, objective of hockey is to shoot the ball in the large red cage.  Not to shoot the ball over the fence out of play." 

While surveying the Waterford Faithful before the opening faceoff, the Double Agent tries to locate his target.   "I see a World renown recording artist, a Western young face Outlaw, a guy wearing pajamas, a large talking bottle of Steak Sauce, and old geezer wearing prehistoric skates.  Come on Italian, I know you'll be here."

"Let's throw the sticks in the middle and pick some teams.  Everyone toss them in the pile."   A demanding Coldplay screams from the rooftop of his classy automobile. 

"Damn it, I don't see my target.  What, I'm going to do.  I don't know how to play this game of hockey."  The Double Agent mummers to himself.

"Hey, you! The guy with the black and white suit.  Are you going to throw your stick in the middle or not?"  A Chief Editor asks.

Fumbling around his hockey stick, the Double Agent abides to the demands of the hockey players.  "Ah.... Yes, I would love to play some stick and large pigskin ball.  I'm ready to score a touchdown and settle for the point after."

"Ok, just throw your stick in the middle Montana."  The chief editor replies.

Teams are picked, and the Double Agent still is looking for his enemy target.  During his first shift the Double Agent accidentally puts the ball in his own net, but isn't aware of his mistake.

"Oh yeah!!!!  I'm ready to send out the special teams to execute my extra point."  The Double Agent looks to Billy the Kid his teammate and pats him on his butt check. "Great job Dude!" 

Billy the Kid is annoyed by the own goal, and is rather upset "What the fuck!  Get your hands off my ass, or I'll shoot it off.  Do you understand that you just cost us a goal?  Next time shoot the ball in the other net, and stop standing next to our goalie."

Realizing he has made a major error, the Double Agent skates off the rink and sits on the bench.  Tired of being ridiculed and still trying to get the grasp of the game, the Double Agent contacts headquarters about his current status.

"I still haven't made contact with the enemy, and would like to inquiry what is the proper etiquette of scoring a goal in hockey?"

"DE, our sources have confirmed, that the objective of hockey is to have fun and laugh with your teammates and opponent.  It is not strange, for teammates to celebrate with joyous hugs and punches.  Our satellites have the Italian close in your vicinity, keep your eye out and keep your guard close.   Over and out."

The Double Agent now confident, that his target will be close, he gets off the bench and takes another shift.     Barely standing up on his skates, the Double Agent again shoots the ball in his own net.  But this time he is aware of his mistake, and doesn't break into celebration.

Opposing forward Coldplay meanwhile takes a verbal jab at the expense of the Double Agent's ability to score on his own net.  "You're the best on our team.  I don't even have to shot the ball, I can just let you fuck it up and it goes into the net.  I'm a beast, Cause I used to ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuule the world........"

An embarrassed Double Agent becomes upset, and is on the verge of spilling the blood of Coldplay all over the Waterford Gardens.  "I'm going to crack that dude's skull.  Next time he gets near me, I'm going to take him out.  Fucking pompous pop star!"

While on an offensive rush Coldplay starts to dangle around the Double Agent.  Coldplay toe drags the ball on his stick, then twirls his arms in the air, to showboat his incredible offensive attributes.  He orgasms a loud of his god given abilities.  "I'm sooooooooooooooooooo goooooooooooooood"

The Double Agent confused, of what to do, goes into stealth mode and drops his stick.  Double Agent leaps in the air and tackles Coldplay to the Waterford Gardens' pavement.  While on the ground, the Double Agent karate chops Coldplay in the neck, and then elbows him in the groin region. 

As the violent melee is going on, a young Mediterranean descent boy rides his bike towards the Waterford Gardens. 

Double Agent, while repeatedly punching Coldplay in the kidneys, looks up and see's his intended target.  He makes a made dash for the Italian who is on his bicycle.

The Italian seeing a stranger (the Double Agent) covered in blood, pedals as fast as he can down the Old White Horse Pike.  Double Agent, equip with weapons begins to throw grenades and dynamite out of his pockets.

Rubble explodes into the air, from the explosive devices used by the Double Agent, the Italian without a cellphone to call his Mom, pedals faster. The Double Agent realizing he is too far away to catch the Italian, reaches out his sniper riffle, with a range of 1,000 feet.

Looking into the cross hairs, he sees a little boy slowing disappearing in the distance, he tries to pull the trigger to get a shot off.

Just as the Double Agent tries to pull the trigger, something hits him in the hand.  The Double Agent begins to shake repeatedly, as if somebody has shot him.  

Billy the Kid, twirling his six shooter in the air, yells aloud,  "Boy, I think you better pack up and leave these parks."

Double Agent realizing his cover has been blown, calls for a vehicle to pick him up.   "Mission failed.  Daddy is coming home.   Our intended target, had an inside mole, to sabotage the mission."  A black tinted van, pulls up to the Double Agent on the side of the Old White Horse Pike and takes him away.

The rest of the Waterford Faithful, pissed about the delay look at the badly beaten Coldplay on the Waterford Gardens.

Dennis skates to the aid of Coldplay "Coldplay you had that coming,  Now get the fuck up and let's finish this best of 7 series." 

   



























 

Coldplay the Fastest Delivery Guy in Town

Natural Lights as Scene on TV

“One shall stand, one shall fall “ as one famous Autobot said to another Decepticon.  In Tuesday night’s Roller Hockey action, the heavily favorite Devlin Danglers face offed against the Natural Lights.

Defending champions of the fall season the previous named Whalers, changed their name to the Natural Lights.  Captain Brian Boitano, yes the Brian Boitano.  3 time Olympic Champion, Cult Figure Skating Star, and a host of his very own cooking show on the Food Network. Explained why such a drastic name change.  

“I felt, we were getting bad press as the Whalers.  This scumbag, the Chief Editor of the Daily Whaler would harass us with his witty blog posts.  So, to get away from the constant cyber bullying, we decided to change our name.  Plus, who doesn’t like a cold Natural Light.”

Before the start of the game, goaltender star of the Deviln Danglers Rosco Gang Green had some fearsome words for his opponent the Natural Lights.  “ I’m going to take out everyone one by one like a Navy Seal.  I’ve waited 6 long years for this game.  Each night, I would sleep with a picture of Boitano next to to my bed.  When, I would awake from a long night of lovemaking, I would grab my handy gizmo knife out of my left sock and repeatedly stab the photo of Boitano. This is going to get personal.”

Mark “Loophole” Lupponetti started the scoring 2 minutes and 23 seconds into the first half with a twisted wrist shot from the slot.  He beat opposing goaltender Jody Hull low glove side. Loophole shot was so powerful, that he didn’t move his head.

With a 3-1 lead, the Deviln Danglers were killing a penalty at the end of the first half.  Natural Lights defence-men Matt Arena, turned the ball over to a fore-checking Frank “the Tank” Ceretelle. Frank the Tank, took the opportune turnover, and went all alone on a breakaway.  The tank, deke Jody Hull out of his goalie shoes, and toe dragged the ball for an open net goal.  


We interrupt this important blog article, for a message from the Grammar Police.


“Ahh.... This is Lieutenant Matt Arena of the Grammar Police.  I would like to inform our readers of a blatant grammar mistake in the title of this article.  Natural Lights as scene on TV is incorrect.  Scene should be spelled seen, not scene.  If, I’m going to be made fun of, it must be proper English.  I’m getting mighty tired of circling red pen marks on my computer monitor.”

During the first intermission, with the Deviln Danglers ahead, 4-1.  Rosco Gang Green, had an altercation with defense-men Matt Arena.

Apparently the opposing forward of the Natural Lights made physical contact with Rosco Gang Green in front of his net.  The forward went to his bench and complained about the rude conduct.

“That goalie is playing rather improper and unfair.  He is a buffoon of a monster.  It was unnecessary for the repeated shoves and slashed I received.  I protest.”

Gang Green over hearing the complaining by the Natural Lights bench, barked out some discouraging words.

“If any of you Keebler elves stand in front of my crease, I will hack your shins into a bloody pulp.”

Matt Arena trying to protect his teammates and saving the world of improper grammar intervene.  “Gang Green you suck!  You’re the worse goalie ever!”

“Hey Richie Cunningham, can you cover up those short shorts.  My eyes are starting to hurt, from those white unprotected thighs.” Gang Green replied.

Matt Arena retorted, “These shorts are made of special polyester fabric, that allow me to skate faster.  They won’t make any shorts shorter than this.”







The referee of the match, skated to the Devlin’s Danglers bench and ponder out loud  “Are these guys for real?”

With a 4-1 lead going into the second half, Gang Green’s tempered outburst had given the Danglers an edge to unmercifully destroy the Natural Lights.

Joey Morrotto added 2 goals in the second half, followed by goals from Brandon Tungstall, Tom Fadako, and Ed Shakya.

The final whistle had blown, and the Deviln Danglers were victorious 9-1.

Still heated from his altercation with Matt Arena, and a deep seeded hatred towards the rest of the team.  Gang Green held a press conference outside of the Deviln Danglers locker-room,

“Before, I field any questions from the media.  I would like to make the following statement.  I, Rosco Gang Green, currently with a 2-0 record, a GAA of 1.00, Save Percentage of .967, is the greatest goalie of all-time.  And team Natural Lights suck more than a new born breast feeding.”

What was the argument about during the intermission?

“Next time, the arenas should leave their purses at home.  They were lucky Momma Green was in attendance, or I would of choked a bitch.”

It sounds, like you have a vendetta with the Arenas.  Why so much animosity?

“Well, it started years ago at the Waterford Gardens.  I was never respected by those guys.  They made fun of my masturbating habit, my dating techniques of climbing into trees and starring at women from afar, and my ability to seduce women with sexually mysterious eyes.  This was a game I really wanted to win.”

Grammar Police interjection.  “Ahh.. you spelled starring wrong its staring, not starring. Gang Green was never starring in anything.  Grammar police will not put up with these stupidity.”

Gang Green shakes his head in disgust “You see why, I can’t stand these guys.”