On Sunday, the Waterford Gardens will re-open to all the faithful. On July 8, high temperatures deemed the Gardens unmanageable for proper play. So the Waterford Hockey committee, chose to relocate for the remainder summer months.
Unable to get any cooperation from the Waterford Township council, the Waterford Gardens were shut down with no lights, broken boards, and steep cracks in the surface. Berlin comrades A1 Steak Sauce, AI, and Hayes propose the relocation to West Berlin. Lights were the major factor in the move, as the summer months continue with blazing hot weather.
As time went on, the crowds were sparse in Berlin. Some days were great turnouts, others were not. It seemed like a temporary solution, to play at night under the lights, until the weather cools down at the Waterford Gardens.
Now, there is a great resistance to the return of the Waterford Gardens. Hayes, has pumped propaganda into the Waterford Faithful, that the temporary move to Berlin, shall be permanent. "Waterford is nothing but filth. The rink, is a disgrace, it has no lights, and the locals are racists. Last time, I played at Waterford I was insulted with Asian stereotypes. I would like to inform everyone, that I have an outstanding driving record, and don't care much for General Tso's Chicken."
The Waterford Hockey Committee has decided to listen to a debate between the pro Berlin supporters and the pro Waterford backers. We take you live to this monumental debate.
"Hi, I'm Dan Greenoff for the Googily Gazette news team. Tonight, I'll be the debate moderator between Berlin vs Waterford. We'll hear from each side, and we'll allow our readers to choose for themselves what rink shall be suitable for our valiant hockey players to play on. Ok, first we'll hear from the leader of the Berlin side. Mr. Hayes you have the floor."
"My intentions here today, are to inform the people of this great hockey land, to choose a rink that is more suitable for night play with lights. Safer conditions with a non-cracked surface, non broken boards, and a bigger playing surface. Any normal human being would choose to play in these conditions. I'm not hear to judge the people of Waterford Township, but I will not tolerant being called Jackie Chan again."
Ok, to represent the Waterford Faithful, we have the Chief Editor, the founder of the Waterford Hockey Organization and local humanitarian of expanding hockey beyond its Waterford borders.
"Sorry, my fellow hockey comrades had to listen to the rant about the proud people of Waterford. My home of outdoor hockey, has always been Waterford. I've playing at the Tennis Courts before the Waterford Gardens were even assemble. I'm not hear to defend this ridiculous argument, I only ask everyone here today, to comeback to the Waterford Gardens. We might not have fancy lights, or proper boards, or even benches to sit on. What we have at Waterford, is heart. Tonight, I brought some of that heart with me."
A rugged blond bearded man, with a flannel jack approaches the podium. "I'm a little disoriented, I've been working 72hrs straight building and breaking down large structures. All, I really have to say, is Fuck Berlin. Why would anyone want to play there? Its so much easier to drink and smoke at Waterford. If it weren't for Waterford Hockey, I wouldn't be operating the second largest Carnival ride in the East Coast."
Thank you both, I would like to give Berlin a chance to rebuttal.
"So, are you saying if you continue to play at Waterford, you'll have a successful career as a Carney?"
"Fuck yeah. I can smoke weed and drink all day without anybody giving me any BS." The rugged bearded man replies.
"That is absolutely nonsense. The new slogan for Waterford Hockey should be, continue to play hockey here and one day you'll be operating the Whack A Mole game, and serving cotton candy."
"Now, wait a minute there slick. I built large structures, and operate the Himalaya the second largest ride on the East Coast. If you want to continue to bash Waterford go ahead, but if I hear another word out of your mouth insulting my responsibilities as a Carnival Maintenance Operator, I will pound you're little buddy A1 Steak Sauce up your a-hole."
The crowd begins to loudly cheer, and chant "P! P! P! Master P! Master P! Master P!"
I believe the man with the four square wheels has the floor.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm was called here today to defend a rink that has brought so much joy and suffering over the years. The Waterford Gardens beside its blemishes, has given me youth. Skating with toe stoppers and shuffling while celebrating a goal has invigorate my soul. But, countless problems with the lights, and stubborn government officials have taken a burden.
I admit, Berlin has lights, and I enjoy skating in a large rink.
But, how could anyone turn their back on a rink, that has given us hockey birth. If I was a sapless Steak Sauce bottle, or an over the hill basketball player who doesn't like to practice I would also view Waterford differently.
This isn't a question about which rink is better. I ask all of you, would you turn your back on a loyal friend that was always there. No matter their defects, they stood by your side through the good and bad.
Waterford has always been my home, when other rinks took prejudice over my ancient skating techniques, Waterford took me in and gave me a name. A name, I'm proud to put on my antique license plate.
The Waterford Gardens isn't a terrible place, it just needs some love."
"Viva la Quads! Viva la Quads!" a roar overcomes the crowd.
Sorry ladies and Gentlemen we're going to have end our debate here. Will the Gentlemen in the Iroc and spurs take a seat.
Also, the man behind the bushes that has been pleasuring himself to the sounds of his roommate love making. Can you wrap up your masturbating?
The man in the tron helmet, can you stop ruling the world?
I'm sorry, the android with the robotic legs, you'll have to wait your turn.
That man with his head sticking in the ceiling, can you get off your stilts?
Will, the bearded gentlemen on horseback, please exit the debate room, your horse droppings are inappropriate for this setting.
Can somebody, escort this machine that won't stop humping the side wall. I believe his Monte Carlo is parked outside.
We're going to hear from everyone else, as this is a debate that won't be finish in one blog article. Stay tuned as the Great Debate continues
