Bags Fly Free

Where's my omelet Boytanio?

Hi,
This is Dan Greenoff for the Googily Gazette News, live from the Waterford Gardens.

Fall Intermission has concluded and hockey was back in Waterford. Games were played on Sat, and Sun with a terrific turnout.

As I walked around interviewing each participant in today's game, one question was repeated throughout. "Boytanio, Where's my Omelet?"

Absent from the weekend of hockey was star figure skater Brian Boytanio, we manage to set up some hidden cameras in his house and return with this segment take a look."

Interior Day.
Boytanio sees his alarm clock flashing 925am.

"I better get up and preparing the omelet station, for Sunday morning hockey" Boytanio announces


In his bed, a rather large man, who is draped around in one of Boytanio's figure skating costumes from his triumph run in the 88' games in Calgary. He has a shaven head, and is covered in a Vaseline base substance, something similar to what Mogilny's uses to masturbate with while watching his old highlights from his Buffalo days. He turns and looks at Boytanio.

"Oh, Baby you can't leave yet. I haven't receive my early morning Boytanio sugar yet."

Boytanio, realizing he is short on time tries to explain, he has made a promise of omelets to the Waterford faithful.

"I'm in a real rush right now, I have to get the onions, mushrooms, bell peppers, red pepper, and hot sauce from the grocery store. I made a promise to my guys that I would cook everyone omelets for Sunday morning hockey. It wouldn't be right if i was late."

The large bald man, rather annoyed by the remarks of Boytanio tries to convince him to stay a little longer.

"I don't care about those nasty hockey boys. I want my Boytanio to stay here in bed." The large Bald man replies

"But they are going to be so hungry if I don't set up my build your own omelet station?" Boytanio explains

"Well I want Boytanio to come over here and build his own omelet in bed with those magical hands of yours." the large Bald man giggles

Boytanio knowing he is short on time, can't resist the large bald man's charm, and runs over to the bed and twirls a triple axle in his arms. The two begin to fondle each other, and start to kiss affectionately in areas that can't be mention in this News program. The phone begins to ring, and the two ignore it as they tussle around in the bed. Boytanio's answer machine picks up and we hear a very familiar voice.

"Hey Boytanio, this is Arena. I wanted to just let you know that I pick up a few crabs here in Maryland. I'll be back in the morning, So I'll be waiting for my daily testes shinning. They have gotten a little dirty since I left you and could use a good spit and shine. Its not the same without you, I hope your being a good boy and I'll see yeah tomorrow. Kisses Bye"

The large Bald man, spits out a foreign object out of his mouth, and begins to scream at Boytanio.

"I thought I was the only man in your life. You lying whore! How could you do this to me? You know what I'm going to call him back and tell him what we've been doing all weekend. I'm sure he would like to know."

Hi, This is Dan Greenoff
We will conclude on this segment, as it just gets even more gayer from here on out. But BAG Monday hockey is tomorrow at 6pm so bring your shin guards and your favorite Emmem CD.

Fall Intermission

Live from the Googily Media Center here is head news anchor Dan Greenoff

"Hello I'm Dan Greenoff for the the Googily Gazette News.

Due to severe weather and world series pandemonium, Hockey at the Waterford Gardens is suspended until further notice. When play resumes we'll keep you posted.

Other news is the important court case of Gang Green, who is schedule for this Tuesday. He is arrange for a Drunk Driving charges from late September. We will bring you the live press conference, after the judge's verdict.

Also Quad Skates is crowned the best Nickname in the history of Waterford Hockey. He edge out War Machine, Boytanio, and Humping Wall Machine for this prestigious honor. Once again Quad Skates you are proven testiment to mankind that inferior quad technology still has a place in the modern inline world.

In other news the Waterford Whalers suffered their season opener lost 11-5, and will host team Shop Rite on Wednesday night at the Voorhees Skate Zone at 10pm. Come out and support your hometown Whalers, more information can be found on their website at thedailywhaler.blogspot.com

I'm Dan Greenoff signing off from the Googily Media Center"

Sunday! Sunday! Sunday!

Its Sunday! Sunday! Sunday! Super Spectacular Hockey fun time at 7pm. Lots of Mayhem! Mayhem! Mayhem! Bring a Friend! Friend! Friend! To play Hockey! Hockey! Hockey! At 7! 7! 7!

Also I would like to congratulate Stilts for winning last week's online poll of this year's MVP. It was a close race for second as Master P and Montel both had the same amount of votes. As for Coldplay who probably voted for himself finished dead last with only 1 vote.

Sunday Hockey at a 7pm start time

Sunday Night Hockey at 7pm

Last night's gathering was rather lackluster as is was get away night at the Waterford Hockey Grounds. We had stellar goaltending performance by Tyree Emery. He is preforming at high rate of consistency and showing great promise for a rookie goalie.

But the night wasn't a total lost as Aubure and Messier made a triumph return to Waterford. As usual Aubure ran out of wheels within the first 3 line changes. He is now skating on one wheel between both skates. I would recommend on purchasing a pair of rollerballs, the revolutionary skates by the Home Shopping Network.

Next schedule gathering is Sunday at 7pm, please R.S.V.P., by commenting or posting on the blog.

Hockey Tonight at 6pm

The Googily Weather Center has made a mandatory announcement; "All Waterford Hockey Players must go outside and play in these outstanding weather conditions. Game time temperature will be 67 degrees Fahrenheit with a calming 3 mph breeze coming from the West South West."

Don't be a slouch and lace up the skates!

6pm Start Time

The Kid's Return

With the absence of the new sheriff of Waterford County Stilts, it was open range for all outlaws and BAGs at the Waterford Hockey grounds on Monday Night. Billy the Kid took advantage of this opportunity and called his posses to loot the Waterford Faithful players.

"Alright Boys, lets make a ruckus of this hockey rink." The Kid proclaimed

Right before face-off a transaction between the two teams was made. Bill the Kid was traded with a barrel of barley for the rights of Scores A-lot. The Chief Editor's squad made the transaction because they really needed some barley to feed his horses who were famished from an incident with a French Clown and a Woodshop teacher. So he had to give away his greatest asset the 1 player in the Waterford hockey league, for a barrel of barley and an above average player of Billy the Kid.

At first the Chief Editor's looked like a genius, his team easily won game1 with a shoutout victory, Billy the Kid contributed in both ends with a goal and numerous defensive stops. His horses were merely enjoying the fresh barely in their feeders, and were starting to regain their strength.

In game2 they were ahead 1-0 and were looking to put the team up 2-0 in the series. Then Scores A lot stepped onto the rink, and it was beginning of a very long night for the Chief Editor.

Scores A lot toyed with his opponent stick handling around Boytanio, like he was a marching band member without an instrument. He than used his speed around the Chief Editor, Peja, and anyone else who lunged at his prowess speed through the neutral zone. In about 20mins The Chief Editor's team went from a 1-0 lead in the series, to a 4-1 series defeat at the hands of this talented hockey god.

The Chief Editor didn't handle the defeat with grace and look to his teammates for answers.

"What happen guys? We were dominating in the first game and than it all fell apart when Scores A Lot stepped on the rink. We had Scores A Lot on our team and we traded him for practically nothing. Well I did get a barrel of barley to feed my horses so it wasn't a total lost. But still why did we trade Scores A Lot? Like I would of been happy if we got some talent in return, at least somebody that knew how to shoot, or could skate . We got practically nothing in return"

Billy the Kid wasn't the least amused by The Chief Editor's comments, he didn't hesitate to reach for his six shooter, and justify his feelings

"You're a Dick"