“When the township fixes these lights, then you can come talk to me Father Pat” A disgruntle Gang Green shrouds his shoulders in defeat. Gang Green packed his equipment and left the Waterford Gardens in bitter disgust.
Holy man of the church, and of the goal crease, Father Pat had defeated Gang Green once again for the third time this week. With his team trailing 3 games to 2 in game 6, Father Pat closed his 5-hole and swallowed all shots that were in his vicinity.
In a 2-0 hole, only a goal away from being eliminated, RJ rallied his troops with a new in-game strategy. “I’ve been following Coldplay a lot on his twitter account, and he is very strategic in his Magic the Gathering Games. He usually uses characters with a higher threshold against spells, creating a defense that eliminates attacks. With that in mind, I used my own abilities in the defense zone, instead of wastefully using my offensive attacks. Hanging back, and eliminated Montel from his vicious “I’m so Fat” attacks worked in our favor.
RJ ripped a slap shot, that fooled Gang Green into a vulnerable position on his knees. The Chief Editor took the rebound of the boards and shot into an empty net. It was the Chief Editor’s 8th goal of the night, in which he was unattended to.
“I like to thank Waterford Township for shutting off half of the lights so now nobody can see my ass in front of the net. Good job boys!”
The goal was the difference in the series, it forced a decisive game 7. Father Pat took his perfect record in games 7 against Gang Green’s inability to see well.
Game 7 was a tight affair, RJ’s new defensive style provided added defense to the already stellar goaltending behind Father Pat. Every shot, was swallowed up, rebounds were pushed to the corners, and a groovy kind of glove frustrated Steve Arena and company.
“Father Pat is remarkable. I’ve never seen a goalie with his make-up. He has great vision, quick reactions, and a humble heart. This guy has a chance of destroying all the records of the greats like, “The Franchise, Hextall and Cujo” Oh yeah, I forgot Gang Green probably has some records too.”
The Double Agent watching from an unclosed location chimed in on Steve Arena’s comment. “Yeah, Gang Green holds the record for the most fake injuries in a game. I counted 27 “Ah.....my toes, during a Sunday Matinee.”
Steak Sauce iced the game in the final minutes. Gang Green scrambling in the crease unable to locate the ball. A1 had an open shot from the slot, and wound up a thunderous shot that caused an enormous sauce splash on the Waterford Gardens.
“I looked up and saw Gang Green crawling on his back, I didn’t hesitate to take the opportunity to unleash the power of the Sauce on his crippled ass. I put so much force on that shot, that I’m going to have fill myself up. I can’t being waddling around with only a half bottle of Steak Sauce.”
Gang Green covered in Steak Sauce ooze once again blamed the poor lighting as the key factor in his defeat. “This is bullshit, I can’t tell who is who. This ball is a bland color of yellow, and the shadows in the corners are fucking ridiculous. The league office is going to get a long letter, from the player’s union about these shitty playing conditions.”
After the game Father Pat had some modest words “Gang Green you fucking suck! You’re never going to beat me. I’m fucking God. You can’t beat a man who praises Jesus Christ. Man, I love kicking Gang Green’s ass. It is almost as fun as giving Holy Communion to sexual excited school girls. Peace Out Bitches!”
Waterford Hockey returns this Saturday for a matinee game at 330pm. Come out to play under the sun, and then play under a half lit rink. Father Pat we salute you!
