Waterford Winter Gardens

Live from the Waterford Gardens here is our field reporter Dan Greenoff. 

"Hi, this is Dan Greenoff for the Googily Gazette news team.  It appears hockey will be suspended indefinitely at the prestigious Waterford Gardens.  Snow drifts have covered the rink in large mounds of snow, and no clean-up crew has been arranged. 

From previous winter blasts, a clean up crew was called into action, but only the Chief Editor and AI manged to show.  Even though hot chocolate drinks were served.  Nobody attended, and it was a daunting task for just the Chief Editor and AI.

This year, the Waterford Authorities have decided to let mother nature take care of the impending snow.  The Googily Weather Center is calling for high temperatures in the upper 50s by Friday, which will help melt the remaining white stuff on the rink.

The fourth annual Winter Classic on New Years Day at 6pm, will be re-schedule for a later date.  Unless mother nature cooperates and melts the rest of this nuisance snow.  But at this time it is highly unlikely any hockey will be played at the Waterford Gardens for at least 1 week or later. 

Here is a video that was shot this afternoon, that shows the devastation from the blizzard.

Gang Green Runs off with the Pizza

The closing ceremonies of the first annual Holiday Bash classic, concluded with leftover fireworks from the War Machine  intermission spectacular the previous night.  As the cold dark sky illuminated with vibrant colors by high powered explosives, tears of joy and a somber mood of happiness echo throughout the audience. 

It was the end of a very successful run of back to back games at the Waterford Gardens, with crowds of 13 skaters on Wednesday night, and 11 skaters on Thursday both with two goalies.  Gang Green had fulfilled his promised by baking cookies and saves in his goalie crease.  The hall of fame goaltender had an outstanding performance in the second half of the back to back series leading his team to a victory in 5 games.

As the remaining fireworks fired into the empty star light sky, a free give-away that was not announced to the Waterford Faithful was brought to attention.  "I forgot to give you guys the free pizza from the VSN party.  Gang Green was suppose to hand out slices to all, but he instead stash it away next to the low bargain merchandise deals in his trunk." The Chief Editor explained.

"That's not cool man.  Damn you Gang Green I was really craving some free pizza.  Now I have to go on Facebook and read about the sound mixer and WNBA New York Liberty merchandise you are trying to sell on Facebook.  Next thing you know he will be selling a half eaten slice of pizza for .45cents with a throwback Rebecca Lobo jersey. "  A disgruntle Master P commented

The box of pizza was autographed by Googily Gazette supported and Syracuse Crunch mascot look alike Tom Valentino.  "I wanted the Waterford Faithful to be feed by some pizza I stumble upon at the Christmas party at our company the VSN media global. As a partner of the Googily Gazette it is our duty to supply information about the Waterford Gardens, Weather Updates, and free pizza when available.  Now I gave a box of pizza  as a donation of good will to be shared to all Waterford Faithful members.  But apparently one starve craved member took the box for himself and ran off with it."

Whereabouts of the box of pizza was last scene in the passenger seat of 97' Black Saturn, on the Old White Horse Pike.  It is unknown if the rest of the slices were eaten, or thrown away.  A cash reward for anybody that has any information of the captive box of free pizza.  Please be aware of the appetite of the driver, that he may devour the rest of the slices. 

Here is a sketch drawing of the driver of that 97 Black Saturn.

Suspect robber of the free box of pizza

 

 

 

 

 

Please be aware of the suspect ability to rip an excellent air guitar solo at any given moment. 

Waterford Hockey returns next week Tues, Wed, and Thurs.  Pond hockey also might be played on Sunday morning, or the morning of any of those days.  Stay connected to the Googily Gazette for more updates, and have a wonderful Kwanzaa. 

Das ist War Machine

Chef Rosco Gang Green handed out his holiday cookies, for all Waterford faithful last night.  He put together Green inspired ingredients from all over the world to make delightful cookie flavors like: Broccoli Mint Chocolate Chip, Spinach Oatmeal, Celery Almond, and the fan favorite of Cabbage Sugar Onion.  Master P was very pleased with the selection of cookies

"That Gang Green really knows how to bake some holiday treats.  I was contemplating going to Baja Fresh before the game and get the Carnitas Spicy Burrito.  They really make such succulent pork.  It is really moist, and it just melts in your mouth.  But the Cabbage Sugar Onion cookie Gang Green made was magnificent. It had such great flavors.  The cooked cabbage really complemented the sweet taste of onion and sugar.  Hats off to the chef Rosco Gang Green, I thought he only knew how to eat french fried potatoes. "

Gang Green wishing for french fried potatoes 

 

 

 In the game action Waterford Faithful Legacy War Machine made a triumph return to the Waterford Gardens.  He brought a physical presence that was sorely missed in his absence.  Also Tom Unangst return from his military action in Iraq.  Tom brought a gritty forecheck, and helped set up Mr. Magoo on numerous occasions. 

Tom with great wisdom, was stoic about his return to the Waterford Gardens  "It feels good to be back, but I wish Mr. Magoo would stop running into his own players.  Like how many times do I have to yell at him, that I'm on his team, and could you stop hacking at my shins."

The Goaltending match-up of the anticipated Cabbage vs Gang Green took a two week hiatus from its previous scheduled date.  Cabbage had brought his luck rabbit's foot, a four leaf clover, a bowl of Luck Charms, and drank a gallon of  virgin Goats milk from Mount Kilimanjaro before the game.  Sounds of the post and crossbar were a plenty.  It seemed as though Cabbage wanted to toy with the opponent by luring them in to an open shot, and allowing them to disgracefully hit the bar. 

"I can barley see the ball as its being shot.  But I like to bounce around the crease like a frog trying to cross the street.  Its my Frogger style of goaltending.  To slowly make my way from post to post, I hop and jump like a frog dodging incoming traffic."  Cabbage Patch commented

Other highlights were a fireworks extravaganza intermission, with War Machine blasting death metal and shooting off bottle rockets.   "This is better than the Fourth of July" a glowing eyed AI remarked.

A1 redirected a shot of his bottom bottle testicles for an unbelievable goal.  A1 cried in pain, and laugh as his testes scored the goal of the year.  "Those testicles of yous A1 has a harder shot than your slapshot!"  A fan from the upper level shouted.

Waterford Hockey returns today at 7pm for the finale of the holiday double header.  Coldplay, Valentino, and Tyler plan to attend.  Make your RSVP early and come out to the Waterford Gardens for more holiday cheer and joy. 

Cabbage vs Gang Green

"Their can only be one green mortal goaltender!"

News media, journalists, bloggers, fashion enthusiasts, and celebrity publicists were in attendance last Thursday night for the heated rival between Gang Green and Cabbage Patch in net.  Everyone wanted to see who would be the crowned the Waterford Hockey goalie of the year.

Cabbage Patch had a remarkable rookie campaign with a impressive GAA of 4.07 and a SV% of .786.  He led all rookies with 4 wins and 23 loses on the season.  His bushy curly hair, had landed him the nickname of Cabbage Patch after the successful dolls in the mid 80s.  In case you never heard of a Cabbage Patch doll, here is a picture.

As you can see by this picture a Cabbage Patch doll, is adorable for little kids, and was a fad throughout the 1980s.  I believe their was a Saturday Morning Cartoon show, lunch-boxes, a movie, trading cards, pajamas, bedsheets, and a breakfast cereal. Chances are if you were a child growing up in the 80s, Cabbage Patch Dolls were apart of your upbringing. 

Gang Green on the other hand, was the rock steady veteran who has made more fake injuries than any other goalie in Waterford history.  His patten fake injury move, is to cry out "Ahh.. My toe!"  and then the veteran falls to the ground like a sharp shooter has pick him off from the rice patties.   His more creative way to fake an injury is to blame the government for not giving him enough vitamins in his free handout cheese. 

"That damn, Obama.  He can't even afford to give me proper cheese.  How is a Gang Green going to make it in this world, with this b.s. Kraft singles American cheese.  My bones are getting brittle, from playing hockey everyday at the Waterford Gardens.  I need to refortify my calcium! "

Two different goaltenders coming from worlds apart, one a young friendly child's toy, the other an old geezer that is disgruntle with the shitty handouts from the government.   But only one would be crowned victorious from the depths of Waterford Hockey.

Lets go Live to our reporter on the scene of a historic moment of the battle between Young vs Old, Green vs Green, and Curly Hair vs Baldy.

"Hi, this Dan Greenoff for the Googily Gazette news team, the fans are anticipating the greatest showdown in Waterford History.  Local carpenters had to build a 20,000 capacity grandstand just to accommodate this epic battle.  The fans are divided in loyalties of which goaltender to root for.  The younger fans seemed to be in support of Gang Green, since he fought off the vicious scooter gang, led by Harry Potter.  Whereas the older fans seemed to be in support of Cabbage Patch, because he reminds them of a childhood toy that was popular in their time.

We will bring you the live coverage once these giants make their appearance at the Waterford Gardens.

This is Dan Greenoff for the Googily Gazette"

Thank you Mr.Greenoff, lets bring in our Googily Gazette analysts Evil Mogilny to break down this tremendous goaltender showdown. 

So Evil Mogilny who do you think has the advantage in this historic goalie math-up?

"I really like Cabbage Patch's chances, even though he is young and doesn't know anything about hockey.  His body seems to be in better condition than Gang Green.  Plus Cabbage Patch wouldn't hit on my Egyptian mummified girlfriend.  Here is a picture of her at the ice cream shop

Evil Mogilny's Girlfriend enjoying herself at the ice cream parlor

 

Wow, you are a lucky man Evil Mogilny.  How long have you guys been together?

"It been about 300 years, since she came back from her tomb.  But we meet last year at a Country Western Bar, and she really digs my cowboy outfit I had on.  She said it reminded her of a man she used to date in the old west." 

Ok, I'm getting information from our field reporter on the scene, so lets take you live to the Waterford Gardens with Dan Greenoff.

"Hi this is Dan Greenoff, It appears that Cabbage Patch and Gang Green won't be attending tonight's much anticipated match-up.   Cabbage Patch is stuck at home playing the new World of Warcraft, and Gang Green is tired from creeping on some under age girls at the mall.  The girls called the authorities on a suspicious man, who was making rattling noises in a bush.  Gang Green fled the scene, and pulled a calf muscle while running towards his get-away automobile. 

Organizers will re-schedule the event for a later date, when both parties can attend.  This is Dan Greenoff from a dishearten Waterford Gardens signing off."

Waterford Hockey returns next week, please contact the Italian, or A1.  Either a Wed or Thurs game next week at the schedule start time of 630pm.  Bring a friend or two to come, as the crowds are starting to thin out. 

Evil Mogilny rescues the Waterford Gardens

Recent vandalism, Soccer Bags, Scooter Gangs, and utter neglect by the Waterford Township governing body has caused the decay of our beloved Waterford Gardens.  The far boards as scene in the photo above, has been broken in half by some radioactive strength Soccer Bags. 

Instead of playing soccer on a normal soccer field, these Bags have chosen to ingest human growth hormones, and get a pick up game of soccer on our hockey rink.  Our penalty box, is transformed into a DJ booth playing power 99 hot jams.  Fist pumps are a plenty when goals are scored, and high testosterone of punching and screaming are heard on a cold weekday night.

Anti-Bag activist Stilts wasn't too pleased to hear of this outrageous Bag attack on the Waterford Gardens "Those dirty Bags.  First they invade Waterford Hockey, then they ruin my Wednesday nights at Sizzler, and now they destroy the Waterford Gardens with their bicycle kicks. Those inconsiderate Bags!"

To make matters worse, the Waterford Hockey Youth program has been threaten by vicious Bag attacks.  On a night just like any normal weekday, the Bags attacked the Italian and company with their verbal threats and physically kicked out the Waterford youth.   The Soccer Bags took control of the Waterford Gardens, while the Italian and company looked from afar without a place to play hockey.

Carter one of the Waterford Hockey Youths, scared and confused, by the amount of Bags screaming and yelling about sexual activities with his Mom wet his own pants.  A soaked Carter called 911 and reported the Bags of their juvenile acts.

A pictorial drawing of Carter's wet pants

One of the Waterford Township Police officers came to bring peace to the situation.  But, like usual our Waterford finest had a unorthodox solution.  "Right now, I'm going to shut down this rink.  Nobody is allowed to play.  You hockey players have to share the rink, with these soccer Bags.  This is a hockey rink, and it is also a fully functionally asphalt soccer  field.  Ok, I'm getting an emergency on my radio. Apparently there are fresh donuts being put out at  Dunkin Donuts. Bye!" 

The Italian and his army were left without a solution, and were bullied off the Waterford Gardens.

Evil Mogilny hearing of the soccer bags and their destruction of the rink, brought his tools and a sacrificial animal to the middle of the face-off circle.  "Oh, my God Satan.  I've given you a live chicken, to protect our Waterford Gardens from these vicious soccer Bags.  Now, shed this blood as a river of fortitude to our Waterford faithful.  Be not afraid my children, let the storm wash away the blood."

The Italian wondering what Evil Mogilny is performing intervenes the ceremony. "Ah.... Evil Mogilny what are you doing?"

"What does it look like I'm doing." Evil Moginy remarks

"You have a drill in one of your hands, and a Kentucky Fried Chicken Bucket in the other.  Are you going to finish fixing the boards or are you going to mumble a bunch of gibberish."the Italian replies

Evil Mogilny's sacrificial chicken

"Yeah, just hold that board over there, and the boards will be good as new.  Now if I ever see another person playing soccer on this hockey rink, they will face the wrath of Herr Evil Mogilny and his army of Mummies.  Mu wa wa wa ha ahaha ahaha"  Evil Mogilny makes an evil laugh

Waterford Hockey returns this Thursday or Wednesday pending weather.  Those are the only days of the week, I will be attending, but contact the Italian for any other game dates.  Do not contact AI, as he has given up his duty of Waterford Hockey organizer. 

Viva La Italian!

Potter terrorizes Waterford Hockey Again

Hours before his International Film Premiere of "Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows Part 1", Mr. Potter decided to take a little stroll around the Waterford Gardens in his purple scooter. 

Unaware of the presence of a loud mouth Potter, Gang Green pulled into the parking lot looking for a pleasant game of Waterford Hockey.  What happen next, classifies as an act of Potter terrorism.

"Whats up, everybody!  Its your favorite Waterford Elite personality Rosco Gang Green!"

"Who has a gay name like Gang Green?  Go get some new sweat pants, you middle aged Billy Bob Thornton!" a smirked Harry Potter commented.

"Whoa, who brought the disgruntle Harry Potter to the Waterford Gardens!  Hey Harry, get some manners and shut the hell up!" Gang Green replied

Harry Potter continued to touch his private areas, and repeated remarks on the appearance of the Rosco Gang Green.  "Hey Mister, you look like a Gorilla with a receding hairline.  The Bronx Zoo called, and they want their 500 pound gorilla back!" 

Gang Green non to thrilled about the comments of his Gorilla like appearance, fire back at the Harry Potter "Well your Mom, didn't mind last night!  She was all over this sexy body."

AI had to intervene between the two, and try to start a game of Waterford Hockey.  "Come on guys, lets stop fighting with the 15yr old scooter gang and go back to playing hockey.  Plus my High is wearing off, and I'm about to bounce soon.  Coldplay has a bong hit waited for me at his crib."

The highly anticipated rematch of Magoo vs Gang Green was on display.  Two powerhouse goaltenders, of the Waterford Elite.  One with an injury prone track record, and the other prone to taking dives.  It was the battle of who was going to fake an injury first and quit.. 

Harry Potter and his scooter Gang decided to watch from the end with Magoo in net.  Taunting and making fun of the poor sighted goaltender.  "Hey Magoo, You couldn't stop a Yoga sized inflatable ball!   

Harry Potter's Mom exercising on a Yoga sized inflatable ball

Mr. Magoo used to be heckled at his day job, of a newspaper delivery man.  Ignored the taunts and continue his horrible play in net.

Potter realizing that Mr. Magoo wasn't paying attention to him, decided to run to the other end of the rink and terrorize the other goaltender.  "Gang Green, You improperly fill out your W-2.  Instead of Single dependent Male it should say Single Sad Middle Aged Gorilla!"

Gang Green shouted back at Harry and company  "Potter, If you don't shut up, I'm going to beat your 14yr old ass.  I've already been to prison for fighting a minor at a Phillies game, so I'm not afraid of doing it again!"

"Go wash your underwear,, or have the zookeepers hose you down!"  Harry Potter remarked

"Harry I'm warning you!"  Gang Green barked

Harry Potter and company decided to taunt Gang Green with "Gorilla!  Gorilla! Gorilla!"  after the 8th gorilla chant Potter hock a large loogie on Gang Green's green jersey.

"That's it"  Gang Green hopped over the boards in full goalie equipment, and started to chase after Harry Potter.  A scared Harry Potter started to run away, and continued his potty mouth.  "Come and chase me, old man!"

 Gang Green in total hysteria started to sprint after him, and then heard a loud crack in his foot.

"Ahh.. My Toe!!!"  Gang Green fumbled to the ground in pain.  "That's it I'm done"

Harry Potter in the loud distance running for his life from the deranged Rosco Gang Green shouted "That's what you get for being a 500 pound gorilla!"

So Gang Green had won the battle of faking an injury first and quitting on Thursday Night Hockey.  Great job Gang Green! 

There will be Sat afternoon hockey with hosts, Italian and AI.  Please contact either of those two for game times.  Also a Black Fri afternoon game at 2pm on November 26.  Do your shopping early and come out for a matinee game. 

Stay connected on Facebook, or the Googily Gazette.  If you see any soccer BAGs on the hockey rink, please go and pick up their soccer ball and punt it in the woods.  Then call Gang Green, and Evil Mogilny to regulate, the situation.

Mr. Magoo's Underbar Emporium

Waterford Hockey experienced some great games last week.  On Thursday a turnout of 4-4 with 2 goalies were present.  Mr Magoo turned up his game to a new level by making 23 saves on 53 shots.  

The start of the game was overshadowed by a lethal Scooter Gang, who wouldn't leave the Waterford Garden confines.  Their candy eating, colorful scooting, and portly Ginger "O'Doyle" Ruling appearance were annoying the Waterford faithful.

Scooter Gang Leader Harry Potter threaten everyone with an attempt to urinate on the Waterford Gardens Face-off circle.  "What are you going to do, if I fly over the face-off circle and piss all over your shitty rink."  Harry Potter exclaimed.  

Mr Magoo non-to please about the threat, shouted back at the poor bathroom manner Harry Potter "If you urinate on our rink, I'm going to kick you off of your purple flying scooter, and make you like your own piss." 

Harry Potter, not scared of the threat of Mr. Magoo.  Verbally attacked Mr. Magoo's 1986 Silver and White Lebaron.  "Well, at least I don't drive a piece of junk car, that was made right after the first Back to the Future movie.  Like who drives a convertible, that was featured in the motion picture "Planes, Trains and Automobiles"  John Candy called and he wants his shower curtain rings back." 

Mr. Magoo boiling with frustration, now was furious of the attacks of his beloved 1986 Lebaron.  "That's it Potter.   I'm going to ring your little neck for those comments."

Trying to run after the speedy Harry Potter on a purple scooter.  Mr. Magoo was determine to cause some physical pain.  But fortunately for Harry Potter, Magoo ran in the wrong direction as his eye sight was blurred from the sweat of humiliation.  

"You're going to get it now!"  Mr. Magoo shouted.  As he grab a bush, in the Pope's garden, Magoo attempted to swing and punch the nonhuman object.  "Take this, and this!  Nobody makes fun of the Lebaron and gets away with it!  Now take a dose of a knuckle sandwich, you punk scooter kids!"

The loud noises, were accompanied by the sounds of branches, and thorns being stabbed in our clueless Magoo.  "Ah.!!! For the love of God! Stop!!!"

A defeated Magoo appeared.  Bloody, tired, and bush whacked Magoo crawled back to the Waterford Gardens.  "Well I showed those Scooter Punks,  that no one messes with the Mr. Magoo"

In the loud distance the scooter Gang, halfway down the Old White Hose Pike shouted "Magoo, your Lebaron smells like old people!"

Safety First

Greta Drach on the left with a Sizzling Porkchop on the right

 What's going on in Waterford Township?  

 

The Waterford Township Fire Department hosted a safety first fire prevention night, for kids of all age last Thursday night.  Activities included knowing when to change your batteries in your smoke alarms, meet and greet with Waterford Hockey Alumni Porkchop, things to scream out when you see a fire, a stop, drop, and roll potato sack race, free refreshments, and a coloring contest. 

 

Greta Drach (as scene in the photo above) won honorable mention in the Waterford twp coloring contest. Top prize was a delightful ribbon, shown below.

 

 Other prizes included a promise to repair the Waterford hockey lights for fire prevention week, and a photo with Waterford's sexiest hose head pork chop! 

 

Staff Photographer and contributor to the Daily Whaler, Quad Skates took this photo and had this comment about the encounter with the great Porkchop.

"My daughter Greta was really excited about wining the color contest, but I think she was even more thrilled about taking a picture with a man named after a delicious pork product."  

 

When reached for comment, Greta had this to say about the interaction with Porkchop "It was like meeting Pluto at Disney World" 

 

Waterford Hockey will return later this week, please contact A.I. for schedule start times.

Sunday Night Highlights

Wet Hot and A1 Return

Driving down the Old White Horse Pike, a loud chant coming from the Waterford Gardens could be heard from miles away.  It sounded like a Native American rain dance.  But to the Waterford Faithful it were the words of the greatest goaltender ever to live on this planet.

It went a little like this "Wet Hot! Wet Hot! Wet Hot!"

 Dave Lang as shown in the photo above, in a sexy pose.   Return to his legion of fans, who showered him with "Wet Hot" chants.

One star struck fan, had this to say.  "When I saw the American Flag Bandanna.  I wet my pants."

Wet Hot was on top of his game, with an impressive 0.45 GAA and a 98% SV percentage.  The only player who had any success of scoring on Wet Hot, was the Italian

shown in the photo above playing his homeland sport of Football.  The Italian managed 3 goals against Wet Hot in the final game.  When reach for comment, the Italian had this to say "I like to score."

Saturday also saw the return of Internet Sensation and Porter Steak House Lovers, A1 Steak Sauce.  A1 was complementary to the outstanding goaltending performance of Wet Hot.  A1 eluded defense-men and had his personal best of 8goals.  A1 compared his role of Montel, of camping out in front and awaiting golden scoring opportunities.  

Montel was not in the presence of the Waterford Faithful, when asked the whereabouts of Montel, Master P had this to say "He is probably selling Obama coins, or buying white make-up to complete his mime costume. "

By the end of the night, the "Wet Hot" chants had reached a louder decimal that the local authorities had to stop by.

"What is all this Wet Hot nonsense about?" police officer Joe asked.

 All the fans, were in a trance of the remarkable performance Wet Hot was giving in net, that nobody answer the police officer's question.

Police Officer Joe, tried to get the attention of some of the fans by lightly tapping them on their shoulders, but was unsuccessful.  As Officer Joe, question what was going on, he turned to watch the live game action, and  was transformed in a state of unconsciousness. He was in "awe" of what he was watching.

He was watching Wet Hot, sliding across his crease making a fantastic two pad slide save.  Wet Hot stretching his right leg to make another pad save.  Wet Hot drinking his water bottle.  Then a shot from the point hit Wet Hot in the throat, but Wet Hot didn't flinch, or make a sound.

Wet Hot just screamed "That shot was going for my throat, but luckily I have a throat guard on my face mask, to prevent such a travesty."

Police officer Joe's partner tried to awake Joe, from the Wet Hot trance he was under.  But the legion of fans had a new comer to join their thunderous chants of.....

"Wet Hot! Wet Hot! Wet Hot!"

Waterford Hockey returns for a special Sunday Night game in honor of Iroc rider Herr Evil Mogilny.  Get there early for free autographs, and chance to take a picture of the classic 1987 midnight blue Chevy Camaro Iroc.  7pm start

You from Montreal?

U roc Herr Evil

Weather Update

Live from the Googily Weather Center here is Head Meteorologist Arnold Swill

 "Hi, I'm Arnold Swill for the Googily Gazette.  It appears some nagging rain showers will move into the Waterford Metropolitan Area tomorrow morning, and will hang around till Wednesday afternoon.

The forecast for Tuesday is Showers. High near 73. North wind between 10 and 14 mph. Chance of precipitation is 80%. New rainfall amounts between a tenth and quarter of an inch possible.  Tuesday night showers likely, mainly before 8pm. Cloudy, with a low around 63. North wind between 6 and 9 mph. Chance of precipitation is 60%. New rainfall amounts between a quarter and half of an inch possible.

 For Wednesday  A chance of showers, mainly before 5pm. Cloudy, with a high near 76. North wind between 6 and 8 mph. Chance of precipitation is 40%. New rainfall amounts between a tenth and quarter of an inch possible. For Wednesday Night this pesky rain will move out of the area with Mostly cloudy skies, with a low around 61. Light west wind.

I recommend scheduling a Waterford Hockey game on Wednesday night, as it looks the most promising.  Stay connected to the Googily Gazette weather updates for any changes."

Thank you, Mr Swill for that detailed weather update.  As you heard, Wednesday Night is the best night of the week to squeeze some hockey in. We might have to show up early to sweep off some rain.  7pm start.  

You can be a Waterford Hockey Star

The Waterford Hockey Association is announcing the new on-line contest, of "The new Waterford Hockey Star"

Here is how to enter: make a 30second or less long video, post it on the Waterford Hockey Facebook group webpage.  In this video explain why you want to be the next great star of the Waterford Faithful Brigade. And what you would do to expand the great game of Waterford Hockey.

Use your home video camera, your cell phone, your Dads' VHS camcorder, or take photos of yourself and make a power-point presentation.  The options are endless

Grand Prize, will get their own music video.  A bottle of A1 steak sauce, and a mutual respect of your peers.

Don't delay enter now.

Magoo Breaks Lights to conclude Worse Weekend in Hockey

In a heated display of stupidity, Mr Magoo found a way to dismantle the Waterford Hockey lights.  Incident by-stander Cinnamon, warned Magoo the dangers of playing around with high voltage electrical wires.

"I was puzzled at why Magoo was unscrewing the start button to the hockey lights.  Doesn't he understand that you push the button and the lights turn on.  I saw him, poke around the electrical wires, with his fingers, and was making bold promises that he could hot wire the hockey lights, with his superior electrical knowledge. "

The Chief Editor, went over to the electrical unit, and notice the button was rather loose. He tried to push the start button, and the button disappeared in the electrical box.

Magoo immediately came to the rescue, with his handy toolbox.   He reach in his toolbox and pulled out his handy dandy magnet.

"I'm going to suck out that button, with my industrial strength size magnet."  Magoo proclaimed

Magoo continued to for several hours, and was unsuccessful at retrieving the fallen start button to the hockey lights.

Young superstar Blue, was rather upset about Magoo's actions.  "How did he ruin our lights?  What kind of person does this to the Waterford Faithful Brigade?"  Blue asked

Quads intervene, "A blind person does"

Blue remarked "Is he really blind?"

"Yeah, look at all the goals he lets up.  A trash can on wheels would be a better goaltender."  Quads replied

"Like how did he get here.  How does a blind person drive a car?"  Blue questioned

"Well, that's why you shouldn't allowed him to turn the lights on.  Now Waterford hockey is ruined for the summer.  Thanks a lot Magoo."  Quads remarked

Just as the Waterford Faithful were packing up to leave, Magoo managed to turn the lights on.  He finally found the missing start button, that was right in front of his eyes.  "The lights are working"  Magoo moaned

Now, the button to the lights is dislodged in the electrical unit.  Where as before you could just push the button to turn them on.  Thanks to Magoo, you have to feel around in the electrical box for the start button, locate the button in pitch dark, somehow position the button in an upright position, make sure the Temple Master is asleep,  and then push the button. 

So next time, you want to turn the lights on call up Magoo, and he will give vivid detail directions.  League Officials have also banned Magoo of coming within 50yards of the electrical box.  Waterford Hockey will march on, but please be prepared for a MacGyver course on how to turn the lights on. 

This weekend saw no hockey in Sea Isle, small crowds at Waterford, humid temperatures, and a dismantled electrical unit.  Let the good times roll. 

Kick it With A1

MC Magoo "Good Day"

July 10th Seal Isle Part 2

Sea Isle trip is approaching for next Saturday July 10.  If people want to go, please meet at the Waterford Hockey rink by 6pm.

For those already at the shore that weekend, the Waterford Faithful Brigade will be at Sea Isle by 730pm.

The confirmed quest list includes: Mr Magoo, Quads, Tom, and A1.

The confirmed bitch list, who thinks Sea Isle is too far, and they don't like fun include: Boytanio, Steve Arena, Matt Arena, Bumble Bee Tuna, and Bram Stroker.

Don't be like a can of tuna fish, a car full of midgets, and a vampire.  

Come out and enjoy outdoor roller hockey on a full size rink, with a nice ocean breeze.  Plus ice cream and pizza afterwards.  But don't take my word for it, here is Mr. Magoo.

Magoo Tuesday Night Hockey

Come tonight for a special Mr. Magoo Tuesday Night Hockey at 7pm. 

All fans receive special Magoo sport goggles, as shown below

Don't miss your chance to score on  Magoo, and have him tell you "Its going to be a great day"

7pm start.

Drum Roll Please, Your History Will be Made Winner is.......

Sea Isle Video

Sea Isle Success

Waterford Hockey officially took over the Sea Isle rink, last Saturday night.  Record turnouts of 12 skaters from the faithful, showed up in some sort of fashion.

Season veteran Tom made his comeback from a 2 year absence, along with Quads, Stilts, Magoo, A1, Master P, Scores A Lot, Joey, Brown, Tyler, Loopole, and the Chief Editor.

In the game action, Scores A lot took over the game.  The bigger size rink, along with better talent on his line with Selanne, and Bure.  Scores A lot scored 23 goals in a 2 hour time span.

A1 Steak Sauce who was filling in at goal, was so frustrated by the Scores A lot attack, that he tipped over and broke into a thousand A1 glass pieces.  The Sea Isle maintenance crew, had to sweep up the glass, and A1 was eventually glued back together and forced out of net.

At the other goal end, Mr Magoo was rather impressive in the early performance.  His legion of underage female fans, gave Magoo a spark in net. 

"Oh!!! Magoo!!!" the girls shouted.

Magoo acknowledge the fans with a wink and smile.

"I love your glasses" the girls shouted again

But as the clock reached 8pm, his fans had to retreat home in time to catch his classic Mr. Magoo episodes on the Nick at Night channel.

The hockey at Sea Isle was at a higher level, than the Waterford Faithful are used to. Quad Skates turn the ball over 46 times, on average, instead of his steady 23 times a game average.

Stilts had a difficult time adjusting to the smooth latex surface.  But was rather pleased with the trip to Sea Isle

"This is such a treat to skate with cool and chill people.  I'm lucky that all the BAGS went fist pumping with the Montel Jersey Shore line." Stilts remarked

The night concluded with a trip to the Italian pizza place. With a full mouth of dripping cheese, Quads said "Sea Isle is awesome.  Now Master P lets go get some cotton candy, and go on the tea cups"

Master P smiled and nodded with agreement.

Waterford Hockey will return in Sea Isle on the July 10.  Don't miss your chance on The Googily Gazette calls "The Hockey Event of the Summer", The Daily Whalers calls it "Without Steve Arena bitching about how long it takes to drive to Sea Isle, it is such a divine experience."  The Master P Monthly raves "Its Hockey with whip cream, and chocolate chips."

Video will be posted soon

We're Back Baby!

The long anticipated return of the chief editor, who has been gone since last Wed.  Will return to the Waterford Gardens, for Thursday Night Hockey today at 7pm.

Hear his epic adventures with Gang Green, walking the Newark city streets at night.  Find out what an X-tudo is?  Learn about Brazilian Bikini Waxes.   And the trials and tribulations of making photocopies.   

Also special guest star, that won't be unveiled.  (Hint, he had his own special month dedicated in his honor)

Their is also talks of a Sea Isle trip on Saturday, if anybody is down.

Gang Green you may fire the cannon

Montel History Will be Made

Emery History Wil be Made

Magoo History Will be made

Quads History Will be made

Waterford Hockey on facebook

http://www.facebook.com/#!/group.php?gid=129462667082314

Magoo flustered by dripping sweat

The big happening on a Saturday night, was the xtu Country Fest in Camden.  Its sad to say that the majority of the Waterford Faithful were attending this concert. 

Head cowboy, and steer wrestler Evil Mogilny lasso up the crowd along with his army of mummified girlfriends whom just concluded a 12 hour monster mash at the local graveyard.  The mummies were infatuated with the thousands upon thousands of country enthusiasts.  Partly because the cowboys can cut their loose bandages with their jagged spurs.     

A1 Steak Sauce was also at the concert, advertising for his new misquote flavored road kill sauce.  "Nothing sounds delicious than a dab of A1 misquote on a flatten possum."

The Waterford Youth Hockey Association headed by the Italian, were called into action on Saturday Night.  Carter, Crabs, and Cinnamon were in attendance.  

Chip Douglass scored the game winning on Magoo, whom didn't have his best game.  Montel was denied numerous scoring chances, he was even awarded a penalty shot, and still remain scoreless on the score sheet.

 AI turned into a scarecrow, by standing still along the boards, and seemed disinterest in the action of the game.  He finally got off his pegs, and showed some life in the final minutes.   As scene in the photo below he was a very happy, and joyful scarecrow.  He is waiving to all the scoring opportunities Montel wasted by shooting the ball 20 feet wide of the net.

Waterford Hockey returns on Monday, for evening game at 7pm.  Temperatures are suppose to be in the lower 70s by game time with low humidity. 

Wet Hot American Memorial Day

13 trades, 23 broken wheels, and 1 Wet Hot were apart of the Waterford Hockey Memorial Day Matinee.  With temperatures hovering around the mid 80s, and the surface thermometer  in the lower 100s, game play was at a sluggish standstill.

Wet Hot decided to suit up in the sweltering heat.  He made a proclamation to the Waterford Faithful who decided to play that day.

"I just want to let everyone know, that I'm not taking off these goalie pads until we're finish for the day.  I have very sensitive arm pits that burn in pain if they are wet and expose to direct sunlight.  It's called Wet Hot American Armpit syndrome.  I usually see a Native American Holistic Doctor, that gives me bull urine to rub on the sensitize armpit area.  But he started to charge me outrageous prices, so now I have to sterilize the armpits with my own home remedy of human urine and Tabasco sauce.  The pain is starting to materialize, so lets get this show on the road."

In the opposite goal, was Yan Denni (shown in the photo below).   Who just finished a mud run in the Atco Pinelands. 

The game action was very slow, and tiresome. Wet Hot demanded the game to be over, so he could soak his sensitive armpits.  Mr.  Magoo playing out of net for a change, scored 3 goals in the decisive game 7. 

AI, was so frustrated that he slashed his own goaltender Wet Hot in the back of the calf.
 AI screamed "I don't care about your god damn sensitive armpits."

In the closing minutes of game 7, the Chief Editor broke a wheel, on a 2-1.  Fake the pass to Mr. Magoo, toe drag the ball and shot 5-hole to win the game.

Wet Hot was relieved to get out of net.

Waterford Hockey returns next weekend.  The Chief Editor will be out of town for the rest of the week.  If you want to play during the week contact AI, or A1 to schedule a game. Or wait till Sat June 5 for a 7pm game time.

Montel Moaners vs Team Ed

Highlights from Tues 5/25

Ode to Waterfordhockey.wmv

A1 Nets Game Winner in OT

In a true wheel busting marathon, Saturday Night Hockey turn into one of the greatest 7-game series of all time.  Emery was called upon in net, after spending the season on the "Inactive" roster, from a case of "Superstar Sniper Grandeur"

On the other end, was new comer Mr. Magoo shown in the photo below adjusting his sport goggles.

The A1 and AI team, had a commanding 2-0 lead in the series.  But Montel lead the Emery team back into contention with breathtaking re-directions, and blazing speed through the neutral zone.  Opponent Mr. Robo was baffled at the skill level Montel was competing at.

"I thought I was the only player in Waterford, with the special Anti Gravity Skates.  I've never scene Montel skate that fast every in my life.  If he keeps it up, he is going to break the all-time record for goals in a Waterford season, held by the acclaimed Joel Otto in 2006"

With the series deadlocked at 3 games a piece, the 7th games was shaping up to be a classic.  AI and A1 jumped to an early 4-0 lead in the decisive game.  But Montel, fought bravely to tied the game at 4-4, to send game 7 into OT.

In Overtime, chances were exchanged like a fat man at a Chinese All You Can Eat Buffet.  Mr. Magoo kept Montel, at bay by using the post and crossbar as a means of defense.   Bumble Bee Tuna (scene in the photo below)

attempted a slapshot from the point.  The Chief Editor blocked the shot, and flicked a pass to A1 Steak Sauce on a breakaway.  A1 all alone against Emery head faked left, and right, than he tipped over and splashed a gallon of A1 Steak Sauce onto Emery's mylec goal pads.  Emery confused and upset about A1 tipping over, didn't notice the shot A1 released that beat him blocker side for the game winning goal.

"Hooray A1!!!!" the crowd cheered.

A1 skated to the podium to receive his Conn Symth for his heroic effort in the 7 game series, and acknowledged his fans.

"Next time, you bite into your favorite meat product, please use A1 Steak Sauce.  Its great on meats, potatoes, radishes, cucumbers, carrots, lettuce, tomatoes, or any food choice of your own.  It also can spice up that boring tuna casserole.  Studies have shown that 25% of A1 Steak Sauce in your diet, can lead to a better quality of life.  So, from everyone at Kraft Food Corporation use A1 and you'll be having fun."

Waterford Hockey returns on Tuesday, for a special Wet Hot American game.  7pm start

Gordie Returns to a Hero's Welcome

 Mr. Hockey, Gordie Howe return to the Waterford Proven grounds last night.  He was welcome by a standing ovation, and a spaghetti dinner.  League officials spoke on behalf of the gratitude Mr. Hockey has given to the Waterford Faithful.

"Gordon Howe, you've had an outstanding career as Detroit Red Wing, Hartford Whaler, and Houston Aeros.  A four time Stanley Cup Champion, 6 Hart Trophies, and 6 Art Ross Trophies.  Truly a remarkable hockey player of his generation.  We're thrilled to have Gordie Howe at the young age of 82 join the Waterford Hockey League.  So please, don't hold back your talent.  If Montel slashes your shins, please give him a dirty glove to the face."

Mr. Hockey skating with only one good leg, still dominate the game last night.  He was a force on the blue-line, not allowing any opponents near the net.

AI and Steve Arena were flustered by Gordie's ability to move the puck, and his explosive outlet passes.
Gordie also sent some elbows in the direction of AI.  He then proceeded to hack AI shins, then cross checked AI into the pavement.  And when AI was trying to get off of the ground, Gordie gave him a face-wash complement of his sweaty glove. 

By the end of the night AI threw in the towel.

"I've had enough"  AI proclaimed.

Thursday Night Hockey had concluded for the evening.  Don't miss your chance to play this weekend on Sat, and Sun night games at 7pm.

Stilts Ecstatic About Recent Turnouts

Waterford Whalers Alum/ Superstar Waterford Hockey player, Stilts is very thrilled about the recent turnouts in the past weeks.  Our Dan Greenoff, caught up with this up and coming player, and gather his thoughts on Waterford Hockey, Waterford Whalers, and the Anti-BAG movement.

Dan Greenoff "So Mr.Stilts, my first question is why are you so happy and joyful today?"

Stilts "I've been having so much fun playing hockey at the Waterford Gardens.  Ever since the BAGs got up and left, it has been such a treat to play hockey at Waterford again."

Dan Greenoff "I gather your not a fan of the BAGS?"

Stilts "Hell no. "Those loud mouth, garbage eating, and turd smelling a-holes can stay home for all I care. "

Dan Greenoff  "Were you part of the Anit-BAG movement?"

Stilts  "Yes.  I don't care for the BAGS.  If anyone has played with the them, you would understand their total disregard for the game of hockey, and their Jersey Shore like attitude."

Dan Greenoff "Did you take any action of exterminating the BAG movement?"

Stilts "Well, I tried to call pest control numerous times, but they didn't answer. So I paid Gang Green to defecate  in the thug out BAG express car.  Needless to say they weren't too happy to find a large poo on their 16' inch spoiler."

Dan Greenoff "Moving on.  What are feelings about the recent collapse of the Waterford Whalers organization?"

Stilts "I'm very sadden about the Whalers demise.  I was really looking forward to another season of Montel's explosive offense."

Dan Greenoff "Sources close to Montel, have speculated that Montel has purchase a digital timer to calculate all the playing time he is not getting."

Stilts  "I could see Montel doing that.  But, when your the greatest forward off all-time in Whalers history, wouldn't you want to play every dire moment in your lifetime."

Dan Greenoff "So whats ahead for Stilts?"

Stilts " I plan to continue playing at the Waterford Gardens in the summer time.  I look forward to the summer Sea Isle trip this year.  I've never been, but heard great things.  Also I'm going to sign with the Arena Lovebugs, the new franchise based out of the car Arena. So I have a lot of things on the horizon"

Waterford Hockey will be back this Thursday at 7pm.  And weekend games on Sat at 7pm and possible Sunday night.  

















"

At the 3:49 mark, check out Quads

Emery in action

Thursday Night Live Highlights

Dean the Wizard suffers grade 1 concussion

Up and coming superstar Dean the Wizard, suffered a major concussion on Monday night.  Local thug/goon Chip Douglass delivered the booming hit.

Dean was on the fore-check in the opposing offensive zone.  Chip Douglass know for his explosive speed, took a pass in his own defensive zone, and proceeded without caution.   The two collided head on, with Dean the Wizard taking the brunt end of the collision.  The Wizard smashed his head against the Waterford uneven pavement, and was immediately carried off for medical evaluation. 
 
 League officials has ruled no suspension in the incident, and has deemed it an accidental occurrence. The following is a statement about the skirmish.
"We are very sadden with the injury of Dean the Wizard.  He had real promise in the Waterford Hockey League.  This latest episode will surely set back the Wizard's player development.  Latest update is a grade 1 concussion, and a broken thumb.  We are very sadden about the Wizard's injury, and will investigate further ways to prevent future incidents."

Scores A lot (The Wizard's Mentor) had some heartfelt words
"My S Little as I liked to call him, will rebound from this latest escapade.  I've manage to purchase a recovery potion, that heals brain swelling.  Once the wizard drinks the potion, he should be relieved of any extraneous concussion side effects.  I look forward to seeing the Wizard back in action very soon."

watch last night's highlights on youtube, courteous of Mr. Videobobo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dZ08mKlTn6I

Wet Hot. The All American Goaltender

"Wet Hot...Wet Hot...Wet Hot....Wet Hot....Wet Hot...." were the thunderous chants from the Waterford Hockey bleachers last night.

Dave Lang, (scene in the photo above kissing a bag of Synder's of Hanover Mini Pretzels) debut his first game in net.  He had some precautionary words, for his fellow teammates before the game.

"Guys, I just want to tell everyone that I'm having a hard time catching things in my glove.  So I'm going to use my catching glove as an additional blocker.  Be prepare for rebounds going to my right side of the net, as I'm having a difficult time catching balls.  Also the chest and arm protectors, are really small so if you hear me yell at the top of my lungs, it means that I was hit in an unprotected area.  I have only one request. 

That you douse me with water, every time I make a save.  You see I spit fire.  And when a shot hits me, I have a fire convulsion that erupts out of my mouth.  So if you see my American Bandanna on fire.  Its ok.  Just use the water bucket to tame it out." 

Wet Hot.  The All American Goaltender showcased a clinic on goaltending last night.  His reactions were quick, his positioning was correct, his rebounds went into the far right corner, and his opponent had only the sky to look up at in shame.

Robo was baffled at the quality of Wet Hot.  The All American Goaltender.
"Every time I get a scoring opportunity, my internal circuitry goes haywire.  Even with my new NASA approved anti-gravity skates, nothing is working properly.  Its like Wet Hot, has an superior force-field hovering around his goalie crease."

The opponents were so frustrated, that A1 Steak Sauce tipped over and cause a massive Steak Sauce spill, that could be detected by NASA Satellite photos. 

The fans covered in A-1 steak sauce, chanted "Wet Hot...Wet Hot..Wet Hot...Wet Hot...Wet Hot....Wet Hot...Wet Hot...Wet Hot... Wet Hot..."

A new Goaltender legend has emerged.  

Master P Goodbye Party Mon April 12, 2pm-?

Location: Mogilny Playhouse
320 East Weymouth rd, Buena, NJ 08310

This is your last chance to party with the Master P.  

Its very hard to say goodbye to a person that has given Waterford Hockey so much.  From his early Clone War days with George, to his Car Arena basketball games, or his Cocoa Puffs war with Bauer Stick Model number#38104.

Master P's caravan is leaving on Tues April 13, so this will be his last day ever in New Jersey.

His home planet Kruger Xion 12, has a assignment for Master P to harvest the Northern California forest in search of fertile cocoa puff soil.  

So to commemorate such a solider in the Waterford Faithful Brigade Regiment, Monday April 12, at the Mogilny playhouse in Buena, we will celebrate the Master P's honor with free food, free alcoholic drinks, wiffle ball, scuba diving, beach volleyball, Sega Game Gear Games, Live Entertainment, Botchie Ball, Horseback riding,  Fireworks, Laser Tag, Watermelon Eating Contest, A punch bowl of Cocoa Puffs, and a freestyle Rap battle between Master P and Gang Green.

Monday April 12 at 2pm-to the break of dawn, or whenever Master P's caravan beams him up.

Gang Green Dominates the World

In the second game, of the Waterford Home and Home series this week, Gang Green took the lone spotlight with his spectacular performance.  He faced 67 shots while only giving up 5 goals in his heroic effort.  His signature save of the night was a dramatic toe save on Montel's breakaway.

Montel took a breakout pass from Mr.Robo, and deke Chip Douglass out of his skates on defense.  It was just Gang Green who stood in the way of a highlight reel Montel goal.  The ball was dragged off the rugged Waterford Hockey surface onto Montel's blade.  He move left, than right.  Gang Green was flopping around trying to determine which way Montel was going.  Finally the ball was flipped off of Montel's skate and batted in mid-air.  Gang Green turned in the wrong direction, kicked his legs in the air, and deflected the ball with his toe.

The Waterford Crowd went into a frenzy, screaming and throwing free banana bread vouchers onto the playing surface. 

Gene(new Waterford Icon) had a very interesting perspective about the save.
 "I had a hard time coming back on defense to help-out my goaltender Gang Green.  You see I've been going through a wheel crisis at the moment, and only have one wheel on each skate.  Its tough times for Gene, nobody wants to hire a middle age Vietnam Vet, that has a liking to humping fridges.  What went wrong in this country that a grown man, can't hump a large cooling electrical machine.  Its the only thing that keeps me going anymore.  Now can you excuse me, I have to put mud on my ass."

Waterford Faithful Brigade will take its show on the road Sat evening in Berlin at 7pm.  For further details please call A1 Steak Sauce.