Wet Hot American Memorial Day

13 trades, 23 broken wheels, and 1 Wet Hot were apart of the Waterford Hockey Memorial Day Matinee.  With temperatures hovering around the mid 80s, and the surface thermometer  in the lower 100s, game play was at a sluggish standstill.

Wet Hot decided to suit up in the sweltering heat.  He made a proclamation to the Waterford Faithful who decided to play that day.

"I just want to let everyone know, that I'm not taking off these goalie pads until we're finish for the day.  I have very sensitive arm pits that burn in pain if they are wet and expose to direct sunlight.  It's called Wet Hot American Armpit syndrome.  I usually see a Native American Holistic Doctor, that gives me bull urine to rub on the sensitize armpit area.  But he started to charge me outrageous prices, so now I have to sterilize the armpits with my own home remedy of human urine and Tabasco sauce.  The pain is starting to materialize, so lets get this show on the road."

In the opposite goal, was Yan Denni (shown in the photo below).   Who just finished a mud run in the Atco Pinelands. 

The game action was very slow, and tiresome. Wet Hot demanded the game to be over, so he could soak his sensitive armpits.  Mr.  Magoo playing out of net for a change, scored 3 goals in the decisive game 7. 

AI, was so frustrated that he slashed his own goaltender Wet Hot in the back of the calf.
 AI screamed "I don't care about your god damn sensitive armpits."

In the closing minutes of game 7, the Chief Editor broke a wheel, on a 2-1.  Fake the pass to Mr. Magoo, toe drag the ball and shot 5-hole to win the game.

Wet Hot was relieved to get out of net.

Waterford Hockey returns next weekend.  The Chief Editor will be out of town for the rest of the week.  If you want to play during the week contact AI, or A1 to schedule a game. Or wait till Sat June 5 for a 7pm game time.

Montel Moaners vs Team Ed

Highlights from Tues 5/25

Ode to Waterfordhockey.wmv

A1 Nets Game Winner in OT

In a true wheel busting marathon, Saturday Night Hockey turn into one of the greatest 7-game series of all time.  Emery was called upon in net, after spending the season on the "Inactive" roster, from a case of "Superstar Sniper Grandeur"

On the other end, was new comer Mr. Magoo shown in the photo below adjusting his sport goggles.

The A1 and AI team, had a commanding 2-0 lead in the series.  But Montel lead the Emery team back into contention with breathtaking re-directions, and blazing speed through the neutral zone.  Opponent Mr. Robo was baffled at the skill level Montel was competing at.

"I thought I was the only player in Waterford, with the special Anti Gravity Skates.  I've never scene Montel skate that fast every in my life.  If he keeps it up, he is going to break the all-time record for goals in a Waterford season, held by the acclaimed Joel Otto in 2006"

With the series deadlocked at 3 games a piece, the 7th games was shaping up to be a classic.  AI and A1 jumped to an early 4-0 lead in the decisive game.  But Montel, fought bravely to tied the game at 4-4, to send game 7 into OT.

In Overtime, chances were exchanged like a fat man at a Chinese All You Can Eat Buffet.  Mr. Magoo kept Montel, at bay by using the post and crossbar as a means of defense.   Bumble Bee Tuna (scene in the photo below)

attempted a slapshot from the point.  The Chief Editor blocked the shot, and flicked a pass to A1 Steak Sauce on a breakaway.  A1 all alone against Emery head faked left, and right, than he tipped over and splashed a gallon of A1 Steak Sauce onto Emery's mylec goal pads.  Emery confused and upset about A1 tipping over, didn't notice the shot A1 released that beat him blocker side for the game winning goal.

"Hooray A1!!!!" the crowd cheered.

A1 skated to the podium to receive his Conn Symth for his heroic effort in the 7 game series, and acknowledged his fans.

"Next time, you bite into your favorite meat product, please use A1 Steak Sauce.  Its great on meats, potatoes, radishes, cucumbers, carrots, lettuce, tomatoes, or any food choice of your own.  It also can spice up that boring tuna casserole.  Studies have shown that 25% of A1 Steak Sauce in your diet, can lead to a better quality of life.  So, from everyone at Kraft Food Corporation use A1 and you'll be having fun."

Waterford Hockey returns on Tuesday, for a special Wet Hot American game.  7pm start

Gordie Returns to a Hero's Welcome

 Mr. Hockey, Gordie Howe return to the Waterford Proven grounds last night.  He was welcome by a standing ovation, and a spaghetti dinner.  League officials spoke on behalf of the gratitude Mr. Hockey has given to the Waterford Faithful.

"Gordon Howe, you've had an outstanding career as Detroit Red Wing, Hartford Whaler, and Houston Aeros.  A four time Stanley Cup Champion, 6 Hart Trophies, and 6 Art Ross Trophies.  Truly a remarkable hockey player of his generation.  We're thrilled to have Gordie Howe at the young age of 82 join the Waterford Hockey League.  So please, don't hold back your talent.  If Montel slashes your shins, please give him a dirty glove to the face."

Mr. Hockey skating with only one good leg, still dominate the game last night.  He was a force on the blue-line, not allowing any opponents near the net.

AI and Steve Arena were flustered by Gordie's ability to move the puck, and his explosive outlet passes.
Gordie also sent some elbows in the direction of AI.  He then proceeded to hack AI shins, then cross checked AI into the pavement.  And when AI was trying to get off of the ground, Gordie gave him a face-wash complement of his sweaty glove. 

By the end of the night AI threw in the towel.

"I've had enough"  AI proclaimed.

Thursday Night Hockey had concluded for the evening.  Don't miss your chance to play this weekend on Sat, and Sun night games at 7pm.

Stilts Ecstatic About Recent Turnouts

Waterford Whalers Alum/ Superstar Waterford Hockey player, Stilts is very thrilled about the recent turnouts in the past weeks.  Our Dan Greenoff, caught up with this up and coming player, and gather his thoughts on Waterford Hockey, Waterford Whalers, and the Anti-BAG movement.

Dan Greenoff "So Mr.Stilts, my first question is why are you so happy and joyful today?"

Stilts "I've been having so much fun playing hockey at the Waterford Gardens.  Ever since the BAGs got up and left, it has been such a treat to play hockey at Waterford again."

Dan Greenoff "I gather your not a fan of the BAGS?"

Stilts "Hell no. "Those loud mouth, garbage eating, and turd smelling a-holes can stay home for all I care. "

Dan Greenoff  "Were you part of the Anit-BAG movement?"

Stilts  "Yes.  I don't care for the BAGS.  If anyone has played with the them, you would understand their total disregard for the game of hockey, and their Jersey Shore like attitude."

Dan Greenoff "Did you take any action of exterminating the BAG movement?"

Stilts "Well, I tried to call pest control numerous times, but they didn't answer. So I paid Gang Green to defecate  in the thug out BAG express car.  Needless to say they weren't too happy to find a large poo on their 16' inch spoiler."

Dan Greenoff "Moving on.  What are feelings about the recent collapse of the Waterford Whalers organization?"

Stilts "I'm very sadden about the Whalers demise.  I was really looking forward to another season of Montel's explosive offense."

Dan Greenoff "Sources close to Montel, have speculated that Montel has purchase a digital timer to calculate all the playing time he is not getting."

Stilts  "I could see Montel doing that.  But, when your the greatest forward off all-time in Whalers history, wouldn't you want to play every dire moment in your lifetime."

Dan Greenoff "So whats ahead for Stilts?"

Stilts " I plan to continue playing at the Waterford Gardens in the summer time.  I look forward to the summer Sea Isle trip this year.  I've never been, but heard great things.  Also I'm going to sign with the Arena Lovebugs, the new franchise based out of the car Arena. So I have a lot of things on the horizon"

Waterford Hockey will be back this Thursday at 7pm.  And weekend games on Sat at 7pm and possible Sunday night.  

















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At the 3:49 mark, check out Quads

Emery in action

Thursday Night Live Highlights

Dean the Wizard suffers grade 1 concussion

Up and coming superstar Dean the Wizard, suffered a major concussion on Monday night.  Local thug/goon Chip Douglass delivered the booming hit.

Dean was on the fore-check in the opposing offensive zone.  Chip Douglass know for his explosive speed, took a pass in his own defensive zone, and proceeded without caution.   The two collided head on, with Dean the Wizard taking the brunt end of the collision.  The Wizard smashed his head against the Waterford uneven pavement, and was immediately carried off for medical evaluation. 
 
 League officials has ruled no suspension in the incident, and has deemed it an accidental occurrence. The following is a statement about the skirmish.
"We are very sadden with the injury of Dean the Wizard.  He had real promise in the Waterford Hockey League.  This latest episode will surely set back the Wizard's player development.  Latest update is a grade 1 concussion, and a broken thumb.  We are very sadden about the Wizard's injury, and will investigate further ways to prevent future incidents."

Scores A lot (The Wizard's Mentor) had some heartfelt words
"My S Little as I liked to call him, will rebound from this latest escapade.  I've manage to purchase a recovery potion, that heals brain swelling.  Once the wizard drinks the potion, he should be relieved of any extraneous concussion side effects.  I look forward to seeing the Wizard back in action very soon."

watch last night's highlights on youtube, courteous of Mr. Videobobo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dZ08mKlTn6I