Rosco "Bobby Orr" Gang Green

Gang Green taking a dramatic spill on a breakaway

Hockey Weekend Across Waterford concluded last night, with a large turnout to see the super skills of the one and only Wet Hot goaltender.  It has been three moons and seven months since the Wet Hot had step onto the Waterford Gardens confines. 

Wet Hot had dazzled the faithful with breathtaking performances, where loud chants of "Wet Hot" were heard miles away from the Old White Horse Pike.  Spectators were in such a frenzy after each eye dropping save, that they prompted to shout "Wet Hot! Wet Hot! Wet Hot!"

But the return of Wet Hot was overshadow by a Rosco Gang Green, whom bought a pair of Crossfire Rollerblades for $37, to skate out for the evening. 

Gang Green's new pair of Crossfire Rollerblades. Purchase for only $37 at his local sporting goods retailer.

Now Gang Green wasn't in the best of shape.  His last performance as a skater was a tryout for the Men's League Team "Flex", which didn't go so well.   After his tryout, nobody said a word to Gang Green about his horrific performance.  

Except our beloved Master P "Gang Green I hope you like to wear orange, because you'll be perfect as a traffic cone.  I can't believe you actually thought you could make our Men's league team.  You're a terrible skater, you run into your own teammates, you shot the puck wider than Steve Arena, and I'm tired of watching you fake injuries.  All in all, you suck!"

Still Gang Green persevered from the tormented criticism.  He played a different position, so he wouldn't have to hear the negativity of his skating performance.  Time went on, Gang Green won 13 Waterford Hockey Championships, Named Goalie of the year in 2009 and 2010, Coached 2 Men's League Championships, and relieved himself by masturbating to the sounds of his roommate having sex in the same room. 

Or as Gang Green Calls it "I didn't want to be only the person to not bust a nut."  A legendary story for another time, my young readers. 

On Sunday night, it was time for Gang Green's redemption.  This was for the little guy, whom wasn't pick for the team.  This was for the less talented, whom never got a chance.  This was for the balding 30yr old air guitaring champion whom had the sexual mysterious mystic. This was for the guy whom wasn't afraid to get kick off facebook for sending homosexual viruses.  This was for the General of the Waterford Faithful Brigade.   This was for Rosco Gang Green!

With his team trailing in the series 2games to nothing, Gang Green had a chance in game 3 of the series to rally his teammates.  Trailing 2-1 in game 3, Gang Green picked up the loose ball in the far end boards.  He took the ball, and proceeded with broad and heavy strides towards the offensive zone.  His breath was short, and was dripping of sweat around the groin region. 

His strides became faster, with each passing moment toward the goal.  It was only Gang Green and goaltender Wet Hot in his vicinity.  Gang Green could see the openings in the goal.  Questions in his head of either shooting blocker side, glove side, or five hole.  Or should I deke first and then wait for the goaltender to commit. 

But Gang Green had only one thing on his mind, "I'm going to rape Wet Hot!" 

With every last stride before the goal, Gang Green didn't prepare for an obstacle in his way.  Wet Hot saw Gang Green fumbled the control of the ball.  This was an opportune moment for Wet Hot, to swat the ball away. 

Wet Hot swung his goalie stick at the direction of Gang Green's stick, but to his failure had taken the legs out of Gang Green instead.   A loud moan of "Ahh...........  My toe!" was heard as Gang Green flew 30 feet in the air and landed on his left shoulder.

Players were stunned, the game was postpone for 20 minutes before our General; beaten and battered rose from a crippled shoulder injury.  A weak and derange Gang Green came to his feet.  He had only one thing on his mind "Do I get a Penalty Shot for that?" 

Gang Green was awarded a penalty shot, and was denied by Wet Hot.  Gang Green's team however did comeback in the series and lost in 5 games.  Rosco Gang Green gave his heart, soul, and his left shoulder for this series.  Even in defeat a great respect for Gang Green was upheld.  Nobody will ever forget his 30 foot plunge to the Waterford Gardens pavement. 
 

Check out the Rosco Gang Green rants about Evil Mogilny no show.  They are unedited and uncut.  So be advised of the strong language and nature of the clips.  

Contact either A.I. or A1 for hockey this week, or just come to the Waterford Gardens and practice.