A blinking red light flashing on a secret message machine located in the confines of the Double Agent's hidden lair. "DA, We have stripped the enemy of his mobile devices. He no longer has the capability of using his cell phone, facebook, internet, or twitter accounts. Now is the time to act. Take out the Italian!"
The Double Agent waking from his slumber, hears the message as he washes his groggy face. He looks into the bathroom mirror and stares at his own reflection. "Italian you little punk, today you'll be mine. Muwhahahahhahahahhaha."
At the Waterford Gardens, still waiting for his enemy the one they call the Italian, the Double Agent goes undercover as a hapless hockey player. He approaches a group of Waterford Hockey players and tries to reveal some information. "Hello, I really enjoy this game of hockey. Man, I can't tell you the last time I tied up my 4 wheel skating gadgets. Oh, what I would give to pick up a piece of lumber and swing for the fences."
Dennis Fallon one of the Waterford Hockey players in attendance, looks confused at the remarks made by the Double Agent. "Ahh. The only fences here are the fences to keep the ball in play. You might want to shoot for the net buddy."
"Thanks, for the tip comrade, I will do that." As the Double Agent replies to Dennie's helpful advice, he makes a mental note to himself. "That Dennis guy is a douche. Change of strategy, objective of hockey is to shoot the ball in the large red cage. Not to shoot the ball over the fence out of play."
While surveying the Waterford Faithful before the opening faceoff, the Double Agent tries to locate his target. "I see a World renown recording artist, a Western young face Outlaw, a guy wearing pajamas, a large talking bottle of Steak Sauce, and old geezer wearing prehistoric skates. Come on Italian, I know you'll be here."
"Let's throw the sticks in the middle and pick some teams. Everyone toss them in the pile." A demanding Coldplay screams from the rooftop of his classy automobile.
"Damn it, I don't see my target. What, I'm going to do. I don't know how to play this game of hockey." The Double Agent mummers to himself.
"Hey, you! The guy with the black and white suit. Are you going to throw your stick in the middle or not?" A Chief Editor asks.
Fumbling around his hockey stick, the Double Agent abides to the demands of the hockey players. "Ah.... Yes, I would love to play some stick and large pigskin ball. I'm ready to score a touchdown and settle for the point after."
"Ok, just throw your stick in the middle Montana." The chief editor replies.
Teams are picked, and the Double Agent still is looking for his enemy target. During his first shift the Double Agent accidentally puts the ball in his own net, but isn't aware of his mistake.
"Oh yeah!!!! I'm ready to send out the special teams to execute my extra point." The Double Agent looks to Billy the Kid his teammate and pats him on his butt check. "Great job Dude!"
Billy the Kid is annoyed by the own goal, and is rather upset "What the fuck! Get your hands off my ass, or I'll shoot it off. Do you understand that you just cost us a goal? Next time shoot the ball in the other net, and stop standing next to our goalie."
Realizing he has made a major error, the Double Agent skates off the rink and sits on the bench. Tired of being ridiculed and still trying to get the grasp of the game, the Double Agent contacts headquarters about his current status.
"I still haven't made contact with the enemy, and would like to inquiry what is the proper etiquette of scoring a goal in hockey?"
"DE, our sources have confirmed, that the objective of hockey is to have fun and laugh with your teammates and opponent. It is not strange, for teammates to celebrate with joyous hugs and punches. Our satellites have the Italian close in your vicinity, keep your eye out and keep your guard close. Over and out."
The Double Agent now confident, that his target will be close, he gets off the bench and takes another shift. Barely standing up on his skates, the Double Agent again shoots the ball in his own net. But this time he is aware of his mistake, and doesn't break into celebration.
Opposing forward Coldplay meanwhile takes a verbal jab at the expense of the Double Agent's ability to score on his own net. "You're the best on our team. I don't even have to shot the ball, I can just let you fuck it up and it goes into the net. I'm a beast, Cause I used to ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuule the world........"
An embarrassed Double Agent becomes upset, and is on the verge of spilling the blood of Coldplay all over the Waterford Gardens. "I'm going to crack that dude's skull. Next time he gets near me, I'm going to take him out. Fucking pompous pop star!"
While on an offensive rush Coldplay starts to dangle around the Double Agent. Coldplay toe drags the ball on his stick, then twirls his arms in the air, to showboat his incredible offensive attributes. He orgasms a loud of his god given abilities. "I'm sooooooooooooooooooo goooooooooooooood"
The Double Agent confused, of what to do, goes into stealth mode and drops his stick. Double Agent leaps in the air and tackles Coldplay to the Waterford Gardens' pavement. While on the ground, the Double Agent karate chops Coldplay in the neck, and then elbows him in the groin region.
As the violent melee is going on, a young Mediterranean descent boy rides his bike towards the Waterford Gardens.
Double Agent, while repeatedly punching Coldplay in the kidneys, looks up and see's his intended target. He makes a made dash for the Italian who is on his bicycle.
The Italian seeing a stranger (the Double Agent) covered in blood, pedals as fast as he can down the Old White Horse Pike. Double Agent, equip with weapons begins to throw grenades and dynamite out of his pockets.
Rubble explodes into the air, from the explosive devices used by the Double Agent, the Italian without a cellphone to call his Mom, pedals faster. The Double Agent realizing he is too far away to catch the Italian, reaches out his sniper riffle, with a range of 1,000 feet.
Looking into the cross hairs, he sees a little boy slowing disappearing in the distance, he tries to pull the trigger to get a shot off.
Just as the Double Agent tries to pull the trigger, something hits him in the hand. The Double Agent begins to shake repeatedly, as if somebody has shot him.
Double Agent realizing his cover has been blown, calls for a vehicle to pick him up. "Mission failed. Daddy is coming home. Our intended target, had an inside mole, to sabotage the mission." A black tinted van, pulls up to the Double Agent on the side of the Old White Horse Pike and takes him away.
The rest of the Waterford Faithful, pissed about the delay look at the badly beaten Coldplay on the Waterford Gardens.
Dennis skates to the aid of Coldplay "Coldplay you had that coming, Now get the fuck up and let's finish this best of 7 series."
No comments:
Post a Comment