Waterford Winter Gardens

Live from the Waterford Gardens here is our field reporter Dan Greenoff. 

"Hi, this is Dan Greenoff for the Googily Gazette news team.  It appears hockey will be suspended indefinitely at the prestigious Waterford Gardens.  Snow drifts have covered the rink in large mounds of snow, and no clean-up crew has been arranged. 

From previous winter blasts, a clean up crew was called into action, but only the Chief Editor and AI manged to show.  Even though hot chocolate drinks were served.  Nobody attended, and it was a daunting task for just the Chief Editor and AI.

This year, the Waterford Authorities have decided to let mother nature take care of the impending snow.  The Googily Weather Center is calling for high temperatures in the upper 50s by Friday, which will help melt the remaining white stuff on the rink.

The fourth annual Winter Classic on New Years Day at 6pm, will be re-schedule for a later date.  Unless mother nature cooperates and melts the rest of this nuisance snow.  But at this time it is highly unlikely any hockey will be played at the Waterford Gardens for at least 1 week or later. 

Here is a video that was shot this afternoon, that shows the devastation from the blizzard.

Gang Green Runs off with the Pizza

The closing ceremonies of the first annual Holiday Bash classic, concluded with leftover fireworks from the War Machine  intermission spectacular the previous night.  As the cold dark sky illuminated with vibrant colors by high powered explosives, tears of joy and a somber mood of happiness echo throughout the audience. 

It was the end of a very successful run of back to back games at the Waterford Gardens, with crowds of 13 skaters on Wednesday night, and 11 skaters on Thursday both with two goalies.  Gang Green had fulfilled his promised by baking cookies and saves in his goalie crease.  The hall of fame goaltender had an outstanding performance in the second half of the back to back series leading his team to a victory in 5 games.

As the remaining fireworks fired into the empty star light sky, a free give-away that was not announced to the Waterford Faithful was brought to attention.  "I forgot to give you guys the free pizza from the VSN party.  Gang Green was suppose to hand out slices to all, but he instead stash it away next to the low bargain merchandise deals in his trunk." The Chief Editor explained.

"That's not cool man.  Damn you Gang Green I was really craving some free pizza.  Now I have to go on Facebook and read about the sound mixer and WNBA New York Liberty merchandise you are trying to sell on Facebook.  Next thing you know he will be selling a half eaten slice of pizza for .45cents with a throwback Rebecca Lobo jersey. "  A disgruntle Master P commented

The box of pizza was autographed by Googily Gazette supported and Syracuse Crunch mascot look alike Tom Valentino.  "I wanted the Waterford Faithful to be feed by some pizza I stumble upon at the Christmas party at our company the VSN media global. As a partner of the Googily Gazette it is our duty to supply information about the Waterford Gardens, Weather Updates, and free pizza when available.  Now I gave a box of pizza  as a donation of good will to be shared to all Waterford Faithful members.  But apparently one starve craved member took the box for himself and ran off with it."

Whereabouts of the box of pizza was last scene in the passenger seat of 97' Black Saturn, on the Old White Horse Pike.  It is unknown if the rest of the slices were eaten, or thrown away.  A cash reward for anybody that has any information of the captive box of free pizza.  Please be aware of the appetite of the driver, that he may devour the rest of the slices. 

Here is a sketch drawing of the driver of that 97 Black Saturn.

Suspect robber of the free box of pizza

 

 

 

 

 

Please be aware of the suspect ability to rip an excellent air guitar solo at any given moment. 

Waterford Hockey returns next week Tues, Wed, and Thurs.  Pond hockey also might be played on Sunday morning, or the morning of any of those days.  Stay connected to the Googily Gazette for more updates, and have a wonderful Kwanzaa. 

Das ist War Machine

Chef Rosco Gang Green handed out his holiday cookies, for all Waterford faithful last night.  He put together Green inspired ingredients from all over the world to make delightful cookie flavors like: Broccoli Mint Chocolate Chip, Spinach Oatmeal, Celery Almond, and the fan favorite of Cabbage Sugar Onion.  Master P was very pleased with the selection of cookies

"That Gang Green really knows how to bake some holiday treats.  I was contemplating going to Baja Fresh before the game and get the Carnitas Spicy Burrito.  They really make such succulent pork.  It is really moist, and it just melts in your mouth.  But the Cabbage Sugar Onion cookie Gang Green made was magnificent. It had such great flavors.  The cooked cabbage really complemented the sweet taste of onion and sugar.  Hats off to the chef Rosco Gang Green, I thought he only knew how to eat french fried potatoes. "

Gang Green wishing for french fried potatoes 

 

 

 In the game action Waterford Faithful Legacy War Machine made a triumph return to the Waterford Gardens.  He brought a physical presence that was sorely missed in his absence.  Also Tom Unangst return from his military action in Iraq.  Tom brought a gritty forecheck, and helped set up Mr. Magoo on numerous occasions. 

Tom with great wisdom, was stoic about his return to the Waterford Gardens  "It feels good to be back, but I wish Mr. Magoo would stop running into his own players.  Like how many times do I have to yell at him, that I'm on his team, and could you stop hacking at my shins."

The Goaltending match-up of the anticipated Cabbage vs Gang Green took a two week hiatus from its previous scheduled date.  Cabbage had brought his luck rabbit's foot, a four leaf clover, a bowl of Luck Charms, and drank a gallon of  virgin Goats milk from Mount Kilimanjaro before the game.  Sounds of the post and crossbar were a plenty.  It seemed as though Cabbage wanted to toy with the opponent by luring them in to an open shot, and allowing them to disgracefully hit the bar. 

"I can barley see the ball as its being shot.  But I like to bounce around the crease like a frog trying to cross the street.  Its my Frogger style of goaltending.  To slowly make my way from post to post, I hop and jump like a frog dodging incoming traffic."  Cabbage Patch commented

Other highlights were a fireworks extravaganza intermission, with War Machine blasting death metal and shooting off bottle rockets.   "This is better than the Fourth of July" a glowing eyed AI remarked.

A1 redirected a shot of his bottom bottle testicles for an unbelievable goal.  A1 cried in pain, and laugh as his testes scored the goal of the year.  "Those testicles of yous A1 has a harder shot than your slapshot!"  A fan from the upper level shouted.

Waterford Hockey returns today at 7pm for the finale of the holiday double header.  Coldplay, Valentino, and Tyler plan to attend.  Make your RSVP early and come out to the Waterford Gardens for more holiday cheer and joy. 

Cabbage vs Gang Green

"Their can only be one green mortal goaltender!"

News media, journalists, bloggers, fashion enthusiasts, and celebrity publicists were in attendance last Thursday night for the heated rival between Gang Green and Cabbage Patch in net.  Everyone wanted to see who would be the crowned the Waterford Hockey goalie of the year.

Cabbage Patch had a remarkable rookie campaign with a impressive GAA of 4.07 and a SV% of .786.  He led all rookies with 4 wins and 23 loses on the season.  His bushy curly hair, had landed him the nickname of Cabbage Patch after the successful dolls in the mid 80s.  In case you never heard of a Cabbage Patch doll, here is a picture.

As you can see by this picture a Cabbage Patch doll, is adorable for little kids, and was a fad throughout the 1980s.  I believe their was a Saturday Morning Cartoon show, lunch-boxes, a movie, trading cards, pajamas, bedsheets, and a breakfast cereal. Chances are if you were a child growing up in the 80s, Cabbage Patch Dolls were apart of your upbringing. 

Gang Green on the other hand, was the rock steady veteran who has made more fake injuries than any other goalie in Waterford history.  His patten fake injury move, is to cry out "Ahh.. My toe!"  and then the veteran falls to the ground like a sharp shooter has pick him off from the rice patties.   His more creative way to fake an injury is to blame the government for not giving him enough vitamins in his free handout cheese. 

"That damn, Obama.  He can't even afford to give me proper cheese.  How is a Gang Green going to make it in this world, with this b.s. Kraft singles American cheese.  My bones are getting brittle, from playing hockey everyday at the Waterford Gardens.  I need to refortify my calcium! "

Two different goaltenders coming from worlds apart, one a young friendly child's toy, the other an old geezer that is disgruntle with the shitty handouts from the government.   But only one would be crowned victorious from the depths of Waterford Hockey.

Lets go Live to our reporter on the scene of a historic moment of the battle between Young vs Old, Green vs Green, and Curly Hair vs Baldy.

"Hi, this Dan Greenoff for the Googily Gazette news team, the fans are anticipating the greatest showdown in Waterford History.  Local carpenters had to build a 20,000 capacity grandstand just to accommodate this epic battle.  The fans are divided in loyalties of which goaltender to root for.  The younger fans seemed to be in support of Gang Green, since he fought off the vicious scooter gang, led by Harry Potter.  Whereas the older fans seemed to be in support of Cabbage Patch, because he reminds them of a childhood toy that was popular in their time.

We will bring you the live coverage once these giants make their appearance at the Waterford Gardens.

This is Dan Greenoff for the Googily Gazette"

Thank you Mr.Greenoff, lets bring in our Googily Gazette analysts Evil Mogilny to break down this tremendous goaltender showdown. 

So Evil Mogilny who do you think has the advantage in this historic goalie math-up?

"I really like Cabbage Patch's chances, even though he is young and doesn't know anything about hockey.  His body seems to be in better condition than Gang Green.  Plus Cabbage Patch wouldn't hit on my Egyptian mummified girlfriend.  Here is a picture of her at the ice cream shop

Evil Mogilny's Girlfriend enjoying herself at the ice cream parlor

 

Wow, you are a lucky man Evil Mogilny.  How long have you guys been together?

"It been about 300 years, since she came back from her tomb.  But we meet last year at a Country Western Bar, and she really digs my cowboy outfit I had on.  She said it reminded her of a man she used to date in the old west." 

Ok, I'm getting information from our field reporter on the scene, so lets take you live to the Waterford Gardens with Dan Greenoff.

"Hi this is Dan Greenoff, It appears that Cabbage Patch and Gang Green won't be attending tonight's much anticipated match-up.   Cabbage Patch is stuck at home playing the new World of Warcraft, and Gang Green is tired from creeping on some under age girls at the mall.  The girls called the authorities on a suspicious man, who was making rattling noises in a bush.  Gang Green fled the scene, and pulled a calf muscle while running towards his get-away automobile. 

Organizers will re-schedule the event for a later date, when both parties can attend.  This is Dan Greenoff from a dishearten Waterford Gardens signing off."

Waterford Hockey returns next week, please contact the Italian, or A1.  Either a Wed or Thurs game next week at the schedule start time of 630pm.  Bring a friend or two to come, as the crowds are starting to thin out.