Cabbage vs Gang Green

"Their can only be one green mortal goaltender!"

News media, journalists, bloggers, fashion enthusiasts, and celebrity publicists were in attendance last Thursday night for the heated rival between Gang Green and Cabbage Patch in net.  Everyone wanted to see who would be the crowned the Waterford Hockey goalie of the year.

Cabbage Patch had a remarkable rookie campaign with a impressive GAA of 4.07 and a SV% of .786.  He led all rookies with 4 wins and 23 loses on the season.  His bushy curly hair, had landed him the nickname of Cabbage Patch after the successful dolls in the mid 80s.  In case you never heard of a Cabbage Patch doll, here is a picture.

As you can see by this picture a Cabbage Patch doll, is adorable for little kids, and was a fad throughout the 1980s.  I believe their was a Saturday Morning Cartoon show, lunch-boxes, a movie, trading cards, pajamas, bedsheets, and a breakfast cereal. Chances are if you were a child growing up in the 80s, Cabbage Patch Dolls were apart of your upbringing. 

Gang Green on the other hand, was the rock steady veteran who has made more fake injuries than any other goalie in Waterford history.  His patten fake injury move, is to cry out "Ahh.. My toe!"  and then the veteran falls to the ground like a sharp shooter has pick him off from the rice patties.   His more creative way to fake an injury is to blame the government for not giving him enough vitamins in his free handout cheese. 

"That damn, Obama.  He can't even afford to give me proper cheese.  How is a Gang Green going to make it in this world, with this b.s. Kraft singles American cheese.  My bones are getting brittle, from playing hockey everyday at the Waterford Gardens.  I need to refortify my calcium! "

Two different goaltenders coming from worlds apart, one a young friendly child's toy, the other an old geezer that is disgruntle with the shitty handouts from the government.   But only one would be crowned victorious from the depths of Waterford Hockey.

Lets go Live to our reporter on the scene of a historic moment of the battle between Young vs Old, Green vs Green, and Curly Hair vs Baldy.

"Hi, this Dan Greenoff for the Googily Gazette news team, the fans are anticipating the greatest showdown in Waterford History.  Local carpenters had to build a 20,000 capacity grandstand just to accommodate this epic battle.  The fans are divided in loyalties of which goaltender to root for.  The younger fans seemed to be in support of Gang Green, since he fought off the vicious scooter gang, led by Harry Potter.  Whereas the older fans seemed to be in support of Cabbage Patch, because he reminds them of a childhood toy that was popular in their time.

We will bring you the live coverage once these giants make their appearance at the Waterford Gardens.

This is Dan Greenoff for the Googily Gazette"

Thank you Mr.Greenoff, lets bring in our Googily Gazette analysts Evil Mogilny to break down this tremendous goaltender showdown. 

So Evil Mogilny who do you think has the advantage in this historic goalie math-up?

"I really like Cabbage Patch's chances, even though he is young and doesn't know anything about hockey.  His body seems to be in better condition than Gang Green.  Plus Cabbage Patch wouldn't hit on my Egyptian mummified girlfriend.  Here is a picture of her at the ice cream shop

Evil Mogilny's Girlfriend enjoying herself at the ice cream parlor

 

Wow, you are a lucky man Evil Mogilny.  How long have you guys been together?

"It been about 300 years, since she came back from her tomb.  But we meet last year at a Country Western Bar, and she really digs my cowboy outfit I had on.  She said it reminded her of a man she used to date in the old west." 

Ok, I'm getting information from our field reporter on the scene, so lets take you live to the Waterford Gardens with Dan Greenoff.

"Hi this is Dan Greenoff, It appears that Cabbage Patch and Gang Green won't be attending tonight's much anticipated match-up.   Cabbage Patch is stuck at home playing the new World of Warcraft, and Gang Green is tired from creeping on some under age girls at the mall.  The girls called the authorities on a suspicious man, who was making rattling noises in a bush.  Gang Green fled the scene, and pulled a calf muscle while running towards his get-away automobile. 

Organizers will re-schedule the event for a later date, when both parties can attend.  This is Dan Greenoff from a dishearten Waterford Gardens signing off."

Waterford Hockey returns next week, please contact the Italian, or A1.  Either a Wed or Thurs game next week at the schedule start time of 630pm.  Bring a friend or two to come, as the crowds are starting to thin out.