Which Waterford Hockey Player is this?

 

Can you guess which Wateford Hockey Player this is?

I'll give you a clue, he has his own talk show on a famous PBS kids show.

Please write in your answers and receive a special prize 

Sat afternoon hockey at 3pm?

Sun pond hockey at 10am?

Bag O-Meter Reaches Infinity

To invite a BAG or not to invite a BAG is the age old question.  On the one hand we could always use more people, but on the hand you have to deal with their unethical BAG ways. 

Their "BAG ways" were the result of a Robo Legs takedown, repeated with a two handed slash across the Robo arms.  To sum it up '67 Flyers Sweatshirt had the comment of the night.  "What is up with those guys"

And yes I ponder that question myself.  What is wrong with the Bags.  Let me start on page 1 of my 300page Anti-Bag manifesto. 

But I don't feel I have to comment more on this situation.  I'll have the Players Union Representive leader  Robo Legs step up to the mic.

"Hello ladies and Gentlemen of the Waterford Hockey Community.  It has come to my great attention of the recent BAG problem at the Waterford Hockey Rink.  As the players union representative leader, I feel it is my duty to protect all players from the great BAG outbreak.  If you see a BAG, please call your local animal or pest control services to exterminate the problem.  

Let me first go over the first step of identify a BAG.  If the particular person use the following pharses "Hey Smokey, Nigga Please, Yo Bro pass me the rock, I'm itching for a goal, and my hands are soo tired from picking all these cherries.  Than you have a BAG.  Also if you have a group of more than 3 people who show up with no goalies or not a volnteer to play goal they are BAGs.  If you have someone who constantly complains, about not having 2goalies and will not play goal or not even make an attempt to find a goalie.  Yes sir its a BAG.  If you have someone that is offended by a coment and immediately tries to retaliate by talking vigorously about your mama.  You guest it is a BAG. 

I'm glad I went over the basics of identify a BAG.  Lets keep Waterford a non-BAG community.  So I hope these tips are helpful and put your local animal and pest control on speed dial in case you have a BAG confrontation." 

Thank You, Mr. Robo Legs for that invaluable information.

Besides that BAG mess, Gang Green had a remarkable game in net.  Porkchop was relentless on the for-check, and the AI-Montel feud is on hold at this moment.

Shhh....Hockey will be played Thursday Night at 6pm.  

Hot Tub Time Machine Trailer

Hot Tub Time Machine

eventful.com/campaigns/hottub/philadelphia

Save the date for a free showing of Hot Tub Time Machine.  I'm going to the March 2 , 730pm, showing at the Ritz East

Matinee Hockey

Spring has come early for Waterford Hockey.  Saturday afternoon temperature reach the upper 50s, with a full crowd in attendance.

Star Goaltender Brian Boytanio made an unlikely apperance in net.  His performance was rather mediocre allowing the Arena Brothers numerous goals between his legs.  Master P phoned in live via satellite from an unknown location, made the following comment; "Boytanio stop spreading you legs wide open for the Arena Brothers.  This is a family environment, nobody wants to see that."

Boytanio was a last minute replacement for Gang Green, who passed out alongside of the White Horse Pike, while attempting to bike from Voorhees. We luckily have a voicmail from our tragic Gang Green.

"Hi, its Gang Green. (very heavy breathing )  Its about 1230pm, and I'm near the Century Buffet across the PATCO High Speed Line in Lindenwold.  I just wanted to call to reveal my new nicknames I came up with while riding my bicycle.  Gang Bicycle, Gang Armstrong, Gang 12speed, Gang Saving the Environment, Gang low CO2 emissions, Gang No Gas, Gang Thick Thighs, Gang Marathon, Gang Tour De Force, Gang Handlebars, Gang Banana Seat, Gang Pedals, Gang Doing My part for a more Greener World, and Gang Sexy Caffs. Let me know what you think, and I'm not going to make it for hockey today.  OK Bye"

Even without the presence of Gang Green in net, it was a remarkable day of hockey.  Next schedule date will be Martin Luther King Day.  A night game start time at 7pm.  It will be the 11year anniversary of the infamous "War Machine Open Hockey Brawl".  Come early and reenact "the kick" that cause such a riotous reaction 11 years ago.

Waterford Whalers 2010 Champions of the World!

thedailywhaler.blogspot.com

Waterford Hockey on Ice!

Due to the altercations from the Montel Laser Light Show, Waterford Hockey is keeping a low profile from the arrested drunk driver.  Hockey will be played on your local ponds, as seen in the picture above, of Alexander Mogilny attempting a hockey stop.

Shove those roller blades away, and brush off those ice skates for 2010 winter pond hockey.  Today had 7skaters: Mogilny, Gee Smiley, Boytanio, Buzz Killington, and Arena.  Not to mention the arrival of our first international participant Max who flew in from Russia for the event.  

It was a grueling contest of 4-3 pond hockey, with a orange street cone as the goaltender.  The rules were takebacks, than to score a goal someone had to shoot the puck inside the turnover cone.

Buzz Killington was in his truest form, as a pond hockey beast.  He was rather upset about the recent Health Care Bill that was being pass in Congress.   He used his angry by believing the black puck was President Obama's head to score goals

Boytanio looked a little rusty from his figure skating days in "88.  His skating wasn't up to par, but his defensive position was top notch.  He had a little heated debate with Buzz Killington about the Health Care benefits in Canada.

"Canada isn't as great as they make it out to be.  I know I've been Buzz Killing in the Canadian Mountains, and it wasn't total crap of what kind of Health Care they have.  Like you have to wait really long to see a Doctor, and plus they speak French the entire time.  How I'm suppose to tell the Doctor I have a tore ACL, if they speak that WE WE Froggy shit."  Buzz Killington remarked

"How do you know Killington?  Have you ever been to Canada yourself ? Boytanio asked

"No, but my Uncle is a CFO for one of the major health care companies here.  And he was telling me that the United States of America has the greatest health care plan in the World." Buzz Killington answered

"That doesn't make any sense.  It sounds like your Uncle is feeding you a bunch of propaganda, because he works for the health care companies." Boytanio replied

"No that isn't true Boytanio.  If you don't like it.  You can get ouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt!!!!"        Buzz Killington grunted

So Boytanio realizing he wasn't getting anywhere in this conversation, didn't bother to comment anymore about the sensitive subject of Health Care.  It was too nice of a day to be arguing.

The sun was shining to add warmth to the frigid temperatures. The ice was crisp and solid.  The air was cold, that with every skating stride you had to catch your breath.  The puck was gliding across a clean sheet of ice.  The backdrop in the distance of pine trees was surreal.   It was a day of pond hockey.

                   

Montel Laser Light Show Ends in Police Chase

Live outside of the Waterford Township Municipal Building here is our reporter on the scene.

"Hi this is Dan Greenoff for the Googily Gazette News

A fun evening of hockey, and a Montel Laser Light Show turned to tragedy when a local man was arrested for a DUI.

It all started as a typical night of Monday hockey, with a full crowd of 16 skaters and 2 goalies. During the first intermission a treat to all spectators, a Montel Laser Light Show. A full spectrum of colorful lights painted the Waterford night sky. An even more pristine scene was the light snow fall which had added a white backdrop.

These Laser Lights were control by a sensitive laser machine, that produce colors and pictures from a Free-Electron Laser (FEL). It provides intense beams of laser light that can be tuned to a precise wavelength. Electrons are stripped from their atoms and whipped up to high energies by a linear accelerator. From there, they are steered into a wiggler, a device that uses magnetic fields to shake the electrons, forcing them to release some of their energy in the form of photons. This was all programed by Montel himself.

A rowdy disgruntle fan was outrage of the inaccurate laser light photons. He was causing a disruption by loudly shouting the following statement.
"Those photons are suppose to bounce between two mirrors and are then emitted as a coherent beam of light. But these photons are emitting light by increasing the energies of the electrons in the accelerator. What kind of bullshit light show is this!"

The gentlemen was told repeatedly to calm down, and to park his truck in the proper parking space. But he refused to corroborate and proceeded to drink and drive around the park.

Mogilny was in disbelief of what he saw "This guy shows up drunk, starts to scream about photons, than he backs up back and forth in his truck until he hits a fence. Like just sit down and enjoy the light show. Its only backyard hockey buddy."

Volunteer Firefighter Porkchop had enough of this belligerent stranger, and got on his CB radio and phoned in a drunk driver at the Waterford Gardens. The stranger continue to back up and forth, until he finally turned out of the Waterford Park Facility.

Sirens were heard as the stranger pulled out of the park, a cop immediately turned around and followed the Drunk Driver down the Old White Horse Pike. As the cop pulled the stranger over, he immediately made a run for it. He jumped out of his red "98 Ford F-250, and made a run for the woods. He made it about 4 meters before 5 cops trampled his drunken arrogance to the curb.

Monday Night hockey continue in spite of the mad police chase. It will go down as one of those nights "remember when that drunk guy showed up and totally bashed Montel's light show. Than his head was bashed into the ground in a crazy police pursuit."

Next schedule matchup will be Sat Jan 9 at 1pm. If anybody wants to play pond hockey contact the VSN headquarters. This is Dan Greenoff for the Googily Gazette news signing off.