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| Things are Springing up Wet Hot Style at the Waterford Gardens |
The Waterford faithful came out in numbers this week, to support the return of the greatest summer camp cafeteria chef Wet Hot. It has been too long, since this handsome rugged fridge humping man made his presence at the Waterford Gardens.
His beard still full from a long winter's cold. His American bandanna still faded from his tour in Vietnam. His heart still broken, from a love with a kitchen appliance that left him. But the fans still emphatically chanted his name "Wet Hot! Wet Hot! Wet Hot! Wet Hot! Wet Hot!"
For the first time since the lights were stripped away, the crowds were high in numbers and both days of Wednesday and Thursday had two goalies. Waterford Hockey was going through a rough spell the past few weeks, with the new "After School Specials" schedule. Very little attendance and half court action was a plenty during this period.
The Double Agent began to question the state of Waterford Hockey "I was starting to believe that Waterford Hockey was going to die, and the only thing left to encompass the Waterford Gardens would be the Earthquake size cracks along the surface. Morale was low and the faithful began to question the leadership on their General Rosco Gang Green. It was a dark day, when the township disconnected our lights. But this past week, was great testimony that the Waterford faithful are alive and eager to keep the Gardens a vibrant place."
On Wednesday, the goalie match-up of the Double Agent vs The Great Tyler was showcased as a goalie showdown but the real headline was the offensive explosion of Wet Hot.
In the first series alone Wet Hot scored 8 goals in a row. His fans couldn't keep up with their chants. Every time they would go into a "Wet Hot" frenzy of a chant, Wet Hot would score again halfway through the thunderous screams of "Wet Hot! Wet Hot! Wet Hot!"
Opposing goaltender Tyler the Great was in awe of the performance of Wet Hot "I never saw anything like this. For one, I never knew anybody at the Waterford Gardens that had such a vocal and massive entourage. This Wet Hot guy was blazing through the neutral zone with his American bandanna spirit speed. Then he power his way in the offensive zone with the strength of 25 lumber jacks. His shot had the accuracy of a self guided missile. If I was gay, I would definitely sleep with him."
Just when you thought things couldn't get more fixated on Wet Hot, he began to undress his shirt. The loud chants of Wet Hot, turned into high pitch screams, and fans began to pass out from the over excitement of such a scene. It was as though Justin Bieber had just showed up to a 5th grade school dance, and began to thrust his hips on the young student body.
Joey Morrotto was also amazed by the body of Wet Hot. "I never knew God could assemble such a magnificent strong body. I believe Wet Hot has a great opportunity to make it as a male model, if the summer camp cafeteria chef doesn't work out for him. He needs to cover up because, its rather distracting to skate and see a work of art similar to Michelangelo's David."
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| Michelangelo's Wet Hot |
This time the Wet Hot faithful were subdued due to the emphatic muscle body showing from the night before. Only mild chants of "Wet Hot. Wet Hot." were heard during the pre game skate.
Italian made his presence, alone from his Army which is now divided from an incident with Commander Carter. It appears that Carter is upset over a sketch drawing of the Commander in a promiscuous pose while playing his X-Box.
Gang Green commented via Skype about this incident. "Carter, get over yourself. Stop whining about a drawing, that shows you masturbating on X-Box. Like come on! I was caught whacking it in a bush, at a 8th grade girl's softball game. Now, do you see me getting upset, when people make fun of me. Well technically, I have a court date next week, and will probably be put on the sex offenders list. But still, its all fun and games until somebody's feelings gets hurt. You know what really hurts, a broken heart, when nobody shows up at the Waterford Gardens. Oh, I got to go, I see my neighbor's Grandma undressing."
David Dochovny was strong in net, not allowing a single goal until 30 minutes into play. His counterpart Double Agent on the other hand, was having a rough outing, trying to figure out what team to play for in goal.
"It's tough to figure out who is on my team. I like to think, everyone is shooting on me, but on the other hand I feel everyone is my friend. So, I like to play both sides, and see where it takes me." The Double Agent on playing goal.
In the end team Italian pull out a 3-2 series victory with hard-work and self persevering. Italian was named team MVP and was awarded the last quote in the Googily Gazette article.
"I really wanted some jellybeans after this victory, to savor the sweet taste of triumph. Maybe one day Commander Carter can forgive me, and the rest of my comrades in the Italian army. But today, I put the good name of the Italian on the map of Waterford Hockey. Viva gli italiani! (Long Live the Italian)"
Waterford Hockey returns on Sunday at 3pm, and next week on Tues or Wed pending weather conditions. Also I heard back from the Township Committee member regarding the lights and this is what he told me. They are looking into the pricing on a permanent fix to the lights. So, who knows when this will be resolved. I think we should all e-mail this guy, and put some pressure on the township to fix our lights soon.
Another update: Master P stop by this week, I wasn't around to see him, but talked to him on the phone. He is working in a traveling carnival, as a Carny. He sets up rides, and takes them down. If anybody wants to visit Master P and his traveling carnival, he will be hitting up all the major cities on the East Coast this summer. Who likes free rides and cotton candy?
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