The Greatest Day Ever

Quad Skates celebrating with his buddy Pickachu

10:22am at the Waterford Gardens.  The Chief Editor with Rosko Gang Green sit along the boards waiting for the faithful.  

"Where the hell is everybody?  We were supposed to leave for Sea Isle at 10am, and its just the two of us"  The Chief Editor proclaims.

"This is fucking bullshit!  I turned down Black Friday Shopping, so I could be properly rested for this crap.  Fucking people!" Gang Green angrily responded.

10:29am The Chief Editor decides to check Facebook.  "Tyler wrote on his wall, he is so bored that he wishes he was working."  He was supposed to come to Sea Isle with us today.

10:31am  Gang Green opens a cold Lionshead brew and hands one to the Chief Editor.  "Well, if weren't  going to the Sea Isle, we might as well get wasted." 

10:34am  The Chief Editor receives a call from A1 Steak Sauce.  "Hey where are you guys, I just pulled up."  asks Steak Sauce.

"Get out of your car and you'll see two dejected dudes, lying against the boards."  The Chief Editor replies.

10:37am  A bewildered Steak Sauce, is in dismay to see only The Chief Editor and Gang Green.  "Is anybody else showing up?"

"Quads is on his way, and that is probably it"  The Chief Editor sadly remarks.

10:39am A vehicle pulls up to the Waterford Gardens.  It is not an ordinary transporting automotive.  Glistening in the early morning sunlight,  is a baby blue mini-van.  With great trunk space, enormous comfortable seating for 4 passengers, and automatic sliding doors. The hockey Gods constructed such a magnificent piece of automotive engineering to be used exclusively for hockey transportation.  This is the Honda Quadysee. 

The Quadysee

10:38am  The driver of the mini-van Quad Skates jumps out of his luxurious Quadyseee.  "Is this it?  Fuck it, I say we pack the Quadysee and drive around to find a pick-up game."

10:40am  A1 Steak Sauce unsure of this idea, motions to pack up and leave the Waterford Gardens.  "Steak Sauce you can park your car at your house and we'll pick you up." asks the Chief editor 

"I don't know, I think I want to go home and pour myself on a nice porter house steak."  A1 replies.

10:42am The Chief Editor was cautious about A1's intentions of playing "I don't want another Buzz Killington on our hands.  Last time, we went somewhere to play hockey and the other person was unsure of coming, we were victimized with a Buzz kill.  Or as the kids call it a Brosef Stalin."

Don't be a Brosef Stalin

10:45am Steak Sauce decides to go home and drop his car off.  The Chief Editor and Gang Green piled up their hockey equipment in the Quadysee.

10:50am Joey pulls up to an empty Waterford Gardens.

10:51am The Chief Editor gets a call from Joey.  "So what's going on?"

10:52am  Quads, Gang Green, and The Chief Editor pulled up behind Joey parked at the Waterford Gardens.

10:53am  "Do you want to ride along with us? We're going on a traveling adventure looking for any kind of hockey game."  The Chief Editor replies.

"Ok, where are you guys?" Joey responds

"Look, behind you."  The Chief Editor comments.

10:54am Joey turns around and see's the Quadysee parked 12 meters behind his car.  "Where, did you guys come from?"

10:56am Joey drops his car off at The Chief Editor's residence.  He throws his equipment in the back of the Quadysee.  "Let's go pick up the Steak Sauce!" Quads commands

11:03am  Steak Sauce has just poured a nice portion of himself on some sizzling beef patties.  Quads honks the horn, "Come on A1, were ready to go!"   Steak Sauce, tips himself back up.  He twirls his cap 4 times, and then waddles out of his house with his small black Koho hockey bag.  The Quadysee is at full capacity and the trunk looks like this.

Somewhere in there is a leaf blower

 
11:09am  The traveling Quadysee makes it first stop at the Berlin hockey rink on Day Ave.  A deserted hockey rink, with no souls to be seen.  "Nobody in the slums of Berlin, I guess even the Ghetto gets a day off."  The Chef Editor remarks.  So onto the second stop.

11:11am  Gang Green farts

11:14am  "Let's try the Marlton Rinks, there has to be people.  Its three rinks, its Black Friday, and its 62 degrees with no clouds in the sky.  Somewhere in South Jersey somebody is playing hockey." Quads comments.

The Chief Editor begins to sniffle the air.  "Gang Green did you just fart again?"

"Ugh...I shouldn't of chugged those Lionsheads.  Beer makes me gassy in the morning."  Gang Green moaned.

11:22am The Qadysee pulls into the Marlton rinks.  On each rink,  people are playing.  One of the rinks, just has guys playing on feet, the other has some little kids skating around.  But the one rink has some older kids skating and shooting.

11:24am Chief Editor approaches the rink with the skaters and talks to a red haired kid.  "Hey, do you guys want to get a game together?  We have a goalie, ask those foot soldiers to play on the other rink and we could get a decent game going."

The red haired kid replies "Yeah, lets do it."

11:26am The Waterford Faithful of Joey, Gang Green, Quads, The Chief Editor, and Steak Sauce step onto the Marlton rink.  They immediately claim the title of "Team Quadysee" as their official slogan.

11:29am Quads hooks up his boom box, with his Satellite Radio attached.  "You guys ready for some 80s new wave!"  The booming vocals of Frankie Gos to Hollywood, engulf the Marlton Square Gardens.

11:31am Quads offers some gifts of gratitude."Hey, If any of you guys are of age, we brought some beers with us. Plus I got a mini- keg of Newcastle in van if you want."

Gang Green also offers some of his gassy Lionshead to anyone, that can withstand its gaseous affects.

The red haired kid abides, "That's really cool of you guys, to bring beer.  That's what I wanted to do today, sip some buds and play some hockey."

11:33am Quad's suits up with his blue customize Quads jersey, roller hockey pants, his trusty quad skates, and a Pirate Bandanna to complete his outfit. 

11:35am The red haired kid, notices Quad's old school roller skates.  "Whoa, That guy with the pirate bandanna, is using quad skates."

11:37am  A1 Steak Sauce also shows his gratitude by allowing anybody to use him as a delicious condiment.

The red haired kid, in awe of the kindness showed by the Waterford Faithful, shows his appreciation.   "You guys are the coolest people that have ever showed up at this rink.  We got tunes, buds, Pirates with roller skates, and a life size A1 steak sauce bottle.  What else could a red haired kid like me want."

11:41am  A second goalie shows up and Team Quadysee now has a opponent to challenge.  Bring it on Marlton locals! 

11:48am  Opening faceoff begins.  The Marlton locals, used to running game at the rink, is not aware of the talent of Team Quadysee.

11:50am Joey roofs his third goal of the afternoon.

11:52am Steak Sauce scores on a break-away.

11:59am Gang Green makes a sprawling glove save.

12:01pm  "Oh, shit.  Dj Fatty is on.  Let me change it to the old school hip channel" Quads hurries to change the station on his Satellite radio.

12:09pm Team Marlton begins to show frustration, by slamming their sticks in agony.  "How the hell, I'm I getting beat by on old man dressed as a Pirate, with skates that are older than the Regan Administration."

12:16pm The Chief Editor lets loose a blistering wrist shot that beats their opposing goalie.

12:23pm Joey stick-handles through the entire Marlton team, and scores his 12th goal of the afternoon. 

12:35pm Quads still snake beaten, is stoned on a point blank wrist shot.

12:41pm Gang Green lets in his first goal of the afternoon, on an odd man rush.

12:48pm  Team Quadysee ahead 17-1, the Marlton locals begin to show more frustration, by breaking their $200 sticks against the boards.  

1:00pm The Marlton Locals call it a quits, but more people begin to show, as Team Quadysee has a new foe to challenge.  A few kids from Wagner University show up and are unaware of the beating they are about to take.

1:04pm Quads breaks out of his scoring slump, by scoring on a 5-hole goal.

1:09pm Steak Sauce dangles team Wagner and scores untouched on a break-away.

1:12pm Quads scores again.

1:15pm Gang Green bored from the lack of activity in his net, begins to shake his booty from the old school hip-hop beats.

1:21pm Joey roofs another shot top-shelf for his league leading 32nd goal of the afternoon.

1:26pm Team Wagner takes a break.

1:32pm Quads shuffles to some Run DMC played during intermission.

1:38pm Keeping his legs loose from his intermission shuffling, Quads scores a quick 2 goals.

1:41pm The Chief Editor begins to show fatigue and contemplates on whether to end the game.

1:57pm Team Wagner embarrassed from the ass whopping decides to throw in the towel and end the massacre.   

2:06pm Gang Green releases some urine in the Marlton woods.

"Ahh......That feels good.  Now, if I could only get rid of my gas."

2:10pm  Team Quadysee relaxes in the Marlton bench, finishes off Quad's Newcastle mini-keg.

2:14pm Gang Green takes a swig of the Newcastle.

2:19pm  Gang Green again runs into the woods to release his urine.

This feels sooooooooo good

2:30pm  Its time to say goodbye to the Marlton rink, empty and alone.

2:49pm Steak Sauce is dropped off at his house, "Oh, shit I forgot about my burgers!"  Steak Sauce runs out of the Quadysee to attend to his charbroiled beef patties.

3:01pm Gang Green, Joey, and the Chief Editor are dropped off back at home base.  The three walk to their cars and begin to drive to the Post Game Party at Devilins.

3:21pm A bucket of buds.

3:41pm Gang Green perpetuates his gas, by eating a Fat Philly Cheese steak, cheese fries,a Quesadilla, and bowl of Atomic Chili.

3:49pm Customers at Devilns begin to run out of the bar, from the large gas cloud, caused by Gang Green's bloatedness eating habits.   

4:00 The manager at Devilins asks Gang Green to take his farting cloud elsewhere.

4:05  Quads and The Chief Editor decided to leave as well, as the fumes from Gang Green's ass start to make them uneasy. 

Not a good ending to the Greatest Day Ever, but wait the end cap of the day was a party at the Tropicana in Atlantic City with "The Collins."  Here is a picture that summarizes the dance party at the Irish Pub.  Due to poor lighting, you might not be able to make it out. The bald guy dancing has the World's largest turtle neck.

No need to pop a collar, when you have the World's largest turtle neck.

Sea Isle the Thanksgiving aftermath, didn't happen that warm Black Friday morning.  But, for a few, who hitched a ride in the Honda Quadysee, it was The Greatest Day Ever. 

Evil Mogilny Shuffling

Whoooo 2011 NHL Season

The Great Debate

On Sunday, the Waterford Gardens will re-open to all the faithful.  On July 8, high temperatures deemed the Gardens unmanageable for proper play.  So the Waterford Hockey committee, chose to relocate for the remainder summer months.

Unable to get any cooperation from the Waterford Township council, the Waterford Gardens were shut down with no lights, broken boards, and steep cracks in the surface.  Berlin comrades A1 Steak Sauce, AI, and Hayes propose the relocation to West Berlin.  Lights were the major factor in the move, as the summer months continue with blazing hot weather.

As time went on, the crowds were sparse in Berlin.  Some days were great turnouts, others were not.  It seemed like a temporary solution, to play at night under the lights, until the weather cools down at the Waterford Gardens.  

Now, there is a great resistance to the return of the Waterford Gardens.  Hayes, has pumped propaganda into the Waterford Faithful, that the temporary move to Berlin, shall be permanent.  "Waterford is nothing but filth.  The rink, is a disgrace, it has no lights, and the locals are racists.  Last time, I played at Waterford I was insulted with Asian stereotypes.  I would like to inform everyone, that I have an outstanding driving record, and don't care much for General Tso's Chicken."

The Waterford Hockey Committee has decided to listen to a debate between the pro Berlin supporters and the pro Waterford backers.  We take you live to this monumental debate.

"Hi, I'm Dan Greenoff for the Googily Gazette news team.  Tonight, I'll be the debate moderator between Berlin vs Waterford.  We'll hear from each side, and we'll allow our readers to choose for themselves what rink shall be suitable for our valiant hockey players to play on.  Ok, first we'll hear from the leader of the Berlin side. Mr. Hayes you have the floor."

"My intentions here today, are to inform the people of this great hockey land, to choose a rink that is more suitable for night play with lights.  Safer conditions with a non-cracked surface, non broken boards, and a bigger playing surface. Any normal human being would choose to play in these conditions.  I'm not hear to judge the people of Waterford Township, but I will not tolerant being called Jackie Chan again."

Ok, to represent the Waterford Faithful, we have the Chief Editor, the founder of the Waterford Hockey Organization and local humanitarian of expanding hockey beyond its Waterford borders.

"Sorry, my fellow hockey comrades had to listen to the rant about the proud people of Waterford.  My home of outdoor hockey, has always been Waterford.  I've playing at the Tennis Courts before the Waterford Gardens were even assemble.  I'm not hear to defend this ridiculous argument, I only ask everyone here today, to comeback to the Waterford Gardens.  We might not have fancy lights, or proper boards, or even benches to sit on.  What we have at Waterford, is heart. Tonight, I brought some of that heart with me."

A rugged blond bearded man, with a flannel jack approaches the podium.  "I'm a little disoriented, I've been working 72hrs straight building and breaking down large structures.  All, I really have to say, is Fuck Berlin.  Why would anyone want to play there?  Its so much easier to drink and smoke at Waterford.  If it weren't for Waterford Hockey, I wouldn't be operating the second largest Carnival ride in the East Coast."  

Thank you both, I would like to give Berlin a chance to rebuttal.

"So, are you saying if you continue to play at Waterford, you'll have a successful career as a Carney?"

"Fuck yeah.  I can smoke weed and drink all day without anybody giving me any BS."  The rugged bearded man replies.

"That is absolutely nonsense.  The new slogan for Waterford Hockey should be, continue to play hockey here and one day you'll be operating the Whack A Mole game, and serving cotton candy."

"Now, wait a minute there slick.  I built large structures, and operate the Himalaya the second largest ride on the East Coast.  If you want to continue to bash Waterford go ahead, but if I hear another word out of your mouth insulting my responsibilities as a Carnival Maintenance Operator, I will pound you're little buddy A1 Steak Sauce up your a-hole."

 

The crowd begins to loudly cheer, and chant "P! P! P!  Master P!  Master P! Master P!" 

I believe the man with the four square wheels has the floor.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm was called here today to defend a rink that has brought so much joy and suffering over the years.  The Waterford Gardens beside its blemishes, has given me youth. Skating with toe stoppers and shuffling while celebrating a goal has invigorate my soul.  But, countless problems with the lights, and stubborn government officials have taken a burden.

I admit, Berlin has lights, and I enjoy skating in a large rink.

But, how could anyone turn their back on a rink, that has given us hockey birth. If I was a sapless Steak Sauce bottle, or an over the hill basketball player who doesn't like to practice I would also view Waterford differently.

This isn't a question about which rink is better.  I ask all of you, would you turn your back on a loyal friend that was always there.  No matter their defects, they stood by your side through the good and bad.

Waterford has always been my home, when other rinks took prejudice over my ancient skating techniques, Waterford took me in and gave me a name.  A name, I'm proud to put on my antique license plate.

The Waterford Gardens isn't a terrible place, it just needs some love."

"Viva la Quads!  Viva la Quads!"  a roar overcomes the crowd.

Sorry ladies and Gentlemen we're going to have end our debate here.  Will the Gentlemen in the Iroc and spurs take a seat.

Also, the man behind the bushes that has been pleasuring himself to the sounds of his roommate love making.  Can you wrap up your masturbating?

The man in the tron helmet, can you stop ruling the world?

I'm sorry, the android with the robotic legs, you'll have to wait your turn.

That man with his head sticking in the ceiling, can you get off your stilts?

Will, the bearded gentlemen on horseback, please exit the debate room, your horse droppings are inappropriate for this setting.

Can somebody, escort this machine that won't stop humping the side wall.  I believe his Monte Carlo is parked outside.


We're going to hear from everyone else, as this is a debate that won't be finish in one blog article.   Stay tuned as the Great Debate continues





  

Sea Isle Part Deux HD

Sea Isle 2011 HD

Double the Agent. Double the Goodness!

A blinking red light flashing on a secret message machine located in the confines of the Double Agent's hidden lair.  "DA, We have stripped the enemy of his mobile devices.  He no longer has the capability of using his cell phone, facebook, internet, or twitter accounts.  Now is the time to act.  Take out the Italian!"

The Double Agent waking from his slumber, hears the message as he washes his groggy face.  He looks into the bathroom mirror and stares at his own reflection.  "Italian you little punk, today you'll be mine. Muwhahahahhahahahhaha."

At the Waterford Gardens, still waiting for his enemy the one they call the Italian, the Double Agent goes undercover as a hapless hockey player.  He approaches a group of Waterford Hockey players and tries to reveal some information.  "Hello, I really enjoy this game of hockey. Man, I can't tell you the last time I tied up my 4 wheel skating gadgets.  Oh, what I would give to pick up a piece of lumber and swing for the fences."

Dennis Fallon one of the Waterford Hockey players in attendance, looks confused at the remarks made by the Double Agent.  "Ahh.  The only fences here are the fences to keep the ball in play.  You might want to shoot for the net buddy."

"Thanks, for the tip comrade, I will do that."  As the Double Agent replies to Dennie's helpful advice, he makes a mental note to himself.  "That Dennis guy is a douche.  Change of strategy, objective of hockey is to shoot the ball in the large red cage.  Not to shoot the ball over the fence out of play." 

While surveying the Waterford Faithful before the opening faceoff, the Double Agent tries to locate his target.   "I see a World renown recording artist, a Western young face Outlaw, a guy wearing pajamas, a large talking bottle of Steak Sauce, and old geezer wearing prehistoric skates.  Come on Italian, I know you'll be here."

"Let's throw the sticks in the middle and pick some teams.  Everyone toss them in the pile."   A demanding Coldplay screams from the rooftop of his classy automobile. 

"Damn it, I don't see my target.  What, I'm going to do.  I don't know how to play this game of hockey."  The Double Agent mummers to himself.

"Hey, you! The guy with the black and white suit.  Are you going to throw your stick in the middle or not?"  A Chief Editor asks.

Fumbling around his hockey stick, the Double Agent abides to the demands of the hockey players.  "Ah.... Yes, I would love to play some stick and large pigskin ball.  I'm ready to score a touchdown and settle for the point after."

"Ok, just throw your stick in the middle Montana."  The chief editor replies.

Teams are picked, and the Double Agent still is looking for his enemy target.  During his first shift the Double Agent accidentally puts the ball in his own net, but isn't aware of his mistake.

"Oh yeah!!!!  I'm ready to send out the special teams to execute my extra point."  The Double Agent looks to Billy the Kid his teammate and pats him on his butt check. "Great job Dude!" 

Billy the Kid is annoyed by the own goal, and is rather upset "What the fuck!  Get your hands off my ass, or I'll shoot it off.  Do you understand that you just cost us a goal?  Next time shoot the ball in the other net, and stop standing next to our goalie."

Realizing he has made a major error, the Double Agent skates off the rink and sits on the bench.  Tired of being ridiculed and still trying to get the grasp of the game, the Double Agent contacts headquarters about his current status.

"I still haven't made contact with the enemy, and would like to inquiry what is the proper etiquette of scoring a goal in hockey?"

"DE, our sources have confirmed, that the objective of hockey is to have fun and laugh with your teammates and opponent.  It is not strange, for teammates to celebrate with joyous hugs and punches.  Our satellites have the Italian close in your vicinity, keep your eye out and keep your guard close.   Over and out."

The Double Agent now confident, that his target will be close, he gets off the bench and takes another shift.     Barely standing up on his skates, the Double Agent again shoots the ball in his own net.  But this time he is aware of his mistake, and doesn't break into celebration.

Opposing forward Coldplay meanwhile takes a verbal jab at the expense of the Double Agent's ability to score on his own net.  "You're the best on our team.  I don't even have to shot the ball, I can just let you fuck it up and it goes into the net.  I'm a beast, Cause I used to ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuule the world........"

An embarrassed Double Agent becomes upset, and is on the verge of spilling the blood of Coldplay all over the Waterford Gardens.  "I'm going to crack that dude's skull.  Next time he gets near me, I'm going to take him out.  Fucking pompous pop star!"

While on an offensive rush Coldplay starts to dangle around the Double Agent.  Coldplay toe drags the ball on his stick, then twirls his arms in the air, to showboat his incredible offensive attributes.  He orgasms a loud of his god given abilities.  "I'm sooooooooooooooooooo goooooooooooooood"

The Double Agent confused, of what to do, goes into stealth mode and drops his stick.  Double Agent leaps in the air and tackles Coldplay to the Waterford Gardens' pavement.  While on the ground, the Double Agent karate chops Coldplay in the neck, and then elbows him in the groin region. 

As the violent melee is going on, a young Mediterranean descent boy rides his bike towards the Waterford Gardens. 

Double Agent, while repeatedly punching Coldplay in the kidneys, looks up and see's his intended target.  He makes a made dash for the Italian who is on his bicycle.

The Italian seeing a stranger (the Double Agent) covered in blood, pedals as fast as he can down the Old White Horse Pike.  Double Agent, equip with weapons begins to throw grenades and dynamite out of his pockets.

Rubble explodes into the air, from the explosive devices used by the Double Agent, the Italian without a cellphone to call his Mom, pedals faster. The Double Agent realizing he is too far away to catch the Italian, reaches out his sniper riffle, with a range of 1,000 feet.

Looking into the cross hairs, he sees a little boy slowing disappearing in the distance, he tries to pull the trigger to get a shot off.

Just as the Double Agent tries to pull the trigger, something hits him in the hand.  The Double Agent begins to shake repeatedly, as if somebody has shot him.  

Billy the Kid, twirling his six shooter in the air, yells aloud,  "Boy, I think you better pack up and leave these parks."

Double Agent realizing his cover has been blown, calls for a vehicle to pick him up.   "Mission failed.  Daddy is coming home.   Our intended target, had an inside mole, to sabotage the mission."  A black tinted van, pulls up to the Double Agent on the side of the Old White Horse Pike and takes him away.

The rest of the Waterford Faithful, pissed about the delay look at the badly beaten Coldplay on the Waterford Gardens.

Dennis skates to the aid of Coldplay "Coldplay you had that coming,  Now get the fuck up and let's finish this best of 7 series." 

   



























 

Coldplay the Fastest Delivery Guy in Town

Natural Lights as Scene on TV

“One shall stand, one shall fall “ as one famous Autobot said to another Decepticon.  In Tuesday night’s Roller Hockey action, the heavily favorite Devlin Danglers face offed against the Natural Lights.

Defending champions of the fall season the previous named Whalers, changed their name to the Natural Lights.  Captain Brian Boitano, yes the Brian Boitano.  3 time Olympic Champion, Cult Figure Skating Star, and a host of his very own cooking show on the Food Network. Explained why such a drastic name change.  

“I felt, we were getting bad press as the Whalers.  This scumbag, the Chief Editor of the Daily Whaler would harass us with his witty blog posts.  So, to get away from the constant cyber bullying, we decided to change our name.  Plus, who doesn’t like a cold Natural Light.”

Before the start of the game, goaltender star of the Deviln Danglers Rosco Gang Green had some fearsome words for his opponent the Natural Lights.  “ I’m going to take out everyone one by one like a Navy Seal.  I’ve waited 6 long years for this game.  Each night, I would sleep with a picture of Boitano next to to my bed.  When, I would awake from a long night of lovemaking, I would grab my handy gizmo knife out of my left sock and repeatedly stab the photo of Boitano. This is going to get personal.”

Mark “Loophole” Lupponetti started the scoring 2 minutes and 23 seconds into the first half with a twisted wrist shot from the slot.  He beat opposing goaltender Jody Hull low glove side. Loophole shot was so powerful, that he didn’t move his head.

With a 3-1 lead, the Deviln Danglers were killing a penalty at the end of the first half.  Natural Lights defence-men Matt Arena, turned the ball over to a fore-checking Frank “the Tank” Ceretelle. Frank the Tank, took the opportune turnover, and went all alone on a breakaway.  The tank, deke Jody Hull out of his goalie shoes, and toe dragged the ball for an open net goal.  


We interrupt this important blog article, for a message from the Grammar Police.


“Ahh.... This is Lieutenant Matt Arena of the Grammar Police.  I would like to inform our readers of a blatant grammar mistake in the title of this article.  Natural Lights as scene on TV is incorrect.  Scene should be spelled seen, not scene.  If, I’m going to be made fun of, it must be proper English.  I’m getting mighty tired of circling red pen marks on my computer monitor.”

During the first intermission, with the Deviln Danglers ahead, 4-1.  Rosco Gang Green, had an altercation with defense-men Matt Arena.

Apparently the opposing forward of the Natural Lights made physical contact with Rosco Gang Green in front of his net.  The forward went to his bench and complained about the rude conduct.

“That goalie is playing rather improper and unfair.  He is a buffoon of a monster.  It was unnecessary for the repeated shoves and slashed I received.  I protest.”

Gang Green over hearing the complaining by the Natural Lights bench, barked out some discouraging words.

“If any of you Keebler elves stand in front of my crease, I will hack your shins into a bloody pulp.”

Matt Arena trying to protect his teammates and saving the world of improper grammar intervene.  “Gang Green you suck!  You’re the worse goalie ever!”

“Hey Richie Cunningham, can you cover up those short shorts.  My eyes are starting to hurt, from those white unprotected thighs.” Gang Green replied.

Matt Arena retorted, “These shorts are made of special polyester fabric, that allow me to skate faster.  They won’t make any shorts shorter than this.”







The referee of the match, skated to the Devlin’s Danglers bench and ponder out loud  “Are these guys for real?”

With a 4-1 lead going into the second half, Gang Green’s tempered outburst had given the Danglers an edge to unmercifully destroy the Natural Lights.

Joey Morrotto added 2 goals in the second half, followed by goals from Brandon Tungstall, Tom Fadako, and Ed Shakya.

The final whistle had blown, and the Deviln Danglers were victorious 9-1.

Still heated from his altercation with Matt Arena, and a deep seeded hatred towards the rest of the team.  Gang Green held a press conference outside of the Deviln Danglers locker-room,

“Before, I field any questions from the media.  I would like to make the following statement.  I, Rosco Gang Green, currently with a 2-0 record, a GAA of 1.00, Save Percentage of .967, is the greatest goalie of all-time.  And team Natural Lights suck more than a new born breast feeding.”

What was the argument about during the intermission?

“Next time, the arenas should leave their purses at home.  They were lucky Momma Green was in attendance, or I would of choked a bitch.”

It sounds, like you have a vendetta with the Arenas.  Why so much animosity?

“Well, it started years ago at the Waterford Gardens.  I was never respected by those guys.  They made fun of my masturbating habit, my dating techniques of climbing into trees and starring at women from afar, and my ability to seduce women with sexually mysterious eyes.  This was a game I really wanted to win.”

Grammar Police interjection.  “Ahh.. you spelled starring wrong its staring, not starring. Gang Green was never starring in anything.  Grammar police will not put up with these stupidity.”

Gang Green shakes his head in disgust “You see why, I can’t stand these guys.”  

Magoo Rap Extended

Magoo Enlists in the Army

Mr. Magoo training for the Army

Wednesday marked the final appearance of Mr. Magoo at the Waterford Gardens.  It has been a long journey for a man who was a regular goaltender fixture.  Mr. Magoo had three successful videos, "Magoo Rap, History Will be Made, and Sea Isle."  He was also featured it other History Will be Made Videos, and Waterford Hockey Highlights.

Magoo was also the center of attention last summer, when he notoriously broke the lights, by unscrewing the button on the outside of the electrical unit.   Those lights have been disconnected thanks in large part to Mr. Magoo, and his disregard for button pushing devices.  "I thought I could unscrew the button and hot wire the hockey lights, to turn on."  Mr. Magoo's defensive response.

So, Magoo now done with destroying the Waterford Gardens night hockey, will enlist in our United States Army at the end of May.  His inability to read signs which say "Danger High Voltage! Stay Away! Caution Explosives in Area"  will do him justice in his new career.

The Waterford Hockey lights which are already disconnected are please to see the departure of Mr. Magoo.  "I'm still in shock, that a person would unscrew my button and try to cut my dangerous wires.  It was rather uncomfortable to have my button hanging unconventionally in my electrical box.  Next, time I will make sure my high voltage wires will electrocute him."

In typical Magoo fashion, the final game had Magoo lying down in his butterfly position and not trying at all.  He tormented the Double Agent who was upset with his own performance, by not killing his secret target objective. 

"I only come to the Waterford Gardens to complete a mission that my superiors have ordered me.  I can't go into details, but it has to do with a foreign enemy that has infuriated the safety of the Waterford civilians.  So, I go undercover as a commoner who doesn't know how to play hockey.  I play for both teams, and try to reveal information that will help my mission.  It doesn't help when Mr. Magoo sits on his ass and taunts me to score .  What a dick!  I'm not a professorial hockey player.  If I had clearance, I would of poisoned his water bottle with cyanide."

The final game had Magoo squeaking out a 5-4 ot victory over rival goaltender Gang Green. Coldplay scored the game winner on a missed shot off the boards. Magoo had nothing to say in the post game press conference, as he was rushed to leave with his ride Gang Green.

On the ride back Gang Green offered to give Magoo a ride home, but Magoo declined.  He insisted that he was going to be picked up by his Grand Uncle's mistress.  "I told Magoo I would take him home, but he wouldn't accept my offer.  So I went to use the restroom, and when I return I saw that Magoo started to suit up in his full goalie equipment.  He then said, "Ok, See yeah" walked out my door.  Ready to play another game of goal.   I was like "Dude, I'll take you home."  He refused siting that he needed to get in shape for the army by walking 5 miles in his goalie equipment.  That Mr. Magoo is a weird guy."

Mr. Magoo was last scene in full goalie equipment walking down Laurel Rd, in Voorhees.  It is not known if he ever made it home that night, but God Speed Magoo.  In your honor, the extended version of the Magoo rap will be released today.  Cause everyone needs a "Good Day"

Waterford Hockey returns on Sun at 5pm and pending weather conditions other game times throughout the week.  

Spring Time for Wet Hot

Things are Springing up Wet Hot Style at the Waterford Gardens

The Waterford faithful came out in numbers this week, to support the return of the greatest summer camp cafeteria chef Wet Hot.  It has been too long, since this handsome rugged fridge humping man made his presence at the Waterford Gardens.

His beard still full from a long winter's cold.  His American bandanna still faded from his tour in Vietnam.  His heart still broken, from a love with a kitchen appliance that left him.  But the fans still emphatically chanted his name "Wet Hot! Wet Hot! Wet Hot! Wet Hot! Wet Hot!"  

For the first time since the lights were stripped away, the crowds were high in numbers and both days of Wednesday and Thursday had two goalies.  Waterford Hockey was going through a rough spell the past few weeks, with the new "After School Specials" schedule.  Very little attendance and half court action was a plenty during this period.

The Double Agent began to question the state of Waterford Hockey "I was starting to believe that Waterford Hockey was going to die, and the only thing left to encompass the Waterford Gardens would be the Earthquake size cracks along the surface.  Morale was low and the faithful began to question the leadership on their General Rosco Gang Green.  It was a dark day, when the township disconnected our lights.  But this past week, was great testimony that the Waterford faithful are alive and eager to keep the Gardens a vibrant place."

On Wednesday, the goalie match-up of the Double Agent vs The Great Tyler was showcased as a goalie showdown but the real headline was the offensive explosion of Wet Hot.

In the first series alone Wet Hot scored 8 goals in a row.   His fans couldn't keep up with their chants.  Every time they would go into a "Wet Hot" frenzy of a chant, Wet Hot would score again halfway through the thunderous screams of "Wet Hot! Wet Hot! Wet Hot!"

Opposing goaltender Tyler the Great was in awe of the performance of Wet Hot "I never saw anything like this.  For one, I never knew anybody at the Waterford Gardens that had such a vocal and massive entourage. This Wet Hot guy was blazing through the neutral zone with his American bandanna spirit speed.  Then he power his way in the offensive zone with the strength of 25 lumber jacks.  His shot had the accuracy of a self guided missile.  If I was gay, I would definitely sleep with him."

Just when you thought things couldn't get more fixated on Wet Hot,  he began to undress his shirt.   The loud chants of Wet Hot, turned into high pitch screams, and fans began to pass out from the over excitement of such a scene.  It was as though Justin Bieber had just showed up to a 5th grade school dance, and began to thrust his hips on the young student body.

Joey Morrotto was also amazed by the body of Wet Hot.  "I never knew God could assemble such a magnificent strong body. I believe Wet Hot has a great opportunity to make it as a male model, if the summer camp cafeteria chef doesn't work out for him.   He needs to cover up because, its rather distracting to skate and see a work of art similar to Michelangelo's David."

Michelangelo's Wet Hot

 During Thursday Night it saw the return of Wet Hot, Double Agent, and Joey from the previous night.  Another full court action with 2 goalies of Double Agent and David Dochovny. 

This time the Wet Hot faithful were subdued due to the emphatic muscle body showing from the night before. Only mild chants of "Wet Hot. Wet Hot." were heard during the pre game skate.

Italian made his presence, alone from his Army which is now divided from an incident with Commander Carter.  It appears that Carter is upset over a sketch drawing of the Commander in a promiscuous pose while playing his X-Box. 

Gang Green commented via Skype about this incident.  "Carter, get over yourself.  Stop whining about a drawing, that shows you masturbating on X-Box.  Like come on!  I was caught whacking it in a bush, at a 8th grade girl's softball game.  Now, do you see me getting upset, when people make fun of me.  Well technically, I have a court date next week, and will probably be put on the sex offenders list.  But still, its all fun and games until somebody's feelings gets hurt.  You know what really hurts, a broken heart, when nobody shows up at the Waterford Gardens.  Oh, I got to go, I see my neighbor's Grandma undressing."

David Dochovny was strong in net, not allowing a single goal until 30 minutes into play.  His counterpart  Double Agent on the other hand, was having a rough outing, trying to figure out what team to play for in goal.

"It's tough to figure out who is on my team.  I like to think, everyone is shooting on me, but on the other hand I feel everyone is my friend.  So, I like to play both sides, and see where it takes me." The Double Agent on playing goal.

In the end team Italian pull out a 3-2 series victory with hard-work and self persevering.   Italian was named team MVP and was awarded the last quote in the Googily Gazette article.

"I really wanted some jellybeans after this victory, to savor the sweet taste of triumph. Maybe one day Commander Carter can forgive me, and the rest of my comrades in the Italian army.  But today, I put the good name of the Italian on the map of Waterford Hockey. Viva gli italiani! (Long Live the Italian)"


Waterford Hockey returns on Sunday at 3pm, and next week on Tues or Wed pending weather conditions.  Also I heard back from the Township Committee member regarding the lights and this is what he told me.  They are looking into the pricing on a permanent fix to the lights.  So, who knows when this will be resolved.  I think we should all e-mail this guy, and put some pressure on the township to fix our lights soon.

Another update:  Master P stop by this week, I wasn't around to see him, but talked to him on the phone.  He is working in a traveling carnival, as a Carny.  He sets up rides, and takes them down.  If anybody wants to visit Master P and his traveling carnival, he will be hitting up all the major cities on the East Coast this summer.  Who likes free rides and cotton candy? 

Back to the Dark Ages

Waterford Township's resolution to fixing the lights

The inevitable of losing our precious hockey lights has occurred once again.  But this time, the conflict of never playing under the Waterford Gardens lights is a grim reality. 

As shown in the photo above, the Township went to the extent of constructing an elaborate sign, which explains their stance on the lights.  To make matters worse the sign has been bolted in the place of the button, which turned the lighting fixture on. 

Blame can be put on Mr. Magoo for being the idiot who unscrewed the button in the first place, but the Township is the real enemy here.  Instead of fixing the problem, their answer is "Lets build a sign and send a message to those hockey punks we've taken the lights away"

Vandalism?  We're the only ones who fix the rink, when other non-hockey people break the boards.  When was the last time you saw a township worker fixing the rink?  How can they put the blame on us for vandalism?  If it wasn't for us playing hockey there, it would be a horrific sight at the Waterford park facility.

How many times, have I scene broken beer bottles, marijuana dime bags, trash, and other nonsense there.  Their logic of taking away a positive structure in our society, and not doing a thing, is rather ignorant and nonsensical. 

Would they take away the football lights if somebody vandalize the football field?  Plus, the lights acted as security for the park at night.  Now, anybody can go to the park at night time, and do illegal activities at their discretion. 

In the past a few of us went to meetings to get our lights back on in 2008.  It took us about a year and half to just get those lights back on.  So the time has come again to fight and let our voices be heard.  But as in the past we had very few willing to help the fight.  I'm looking at you Coldplay

Coldplay looking sexy for underage fans

If anybody knows somebody on the township committee, forward me their email address or phone number.  I'm going to try to contact somebody and write a letter about the situation. 

At this moment we can only play during the daytime hours, so with the advent of Daylight Savings time today we can get back to our roots.  The introductions of "After School Specials" at 4:30pm throughout the week will start this Tuesday.

Bring your hockey equipment with you to work or school and stop by the Waterford Gardens at 430pm on Tuesday.  They might be able to take away our lights, but they can never take away our hockey!   

In Honor of Master P

Rosco "Bobby Orr" Gang Green

Gang Green taking a dramatic spill on a breakaway

Hockey Weekend Across Waterford concluded last night, with a large turnout to see the super skills of the one and only Wet Hot goaltender.  It has been three moons and seven months since the Wet Hot had step onto the Waterford Gardens confines. 

Wet Hot had dazzled the faithful with breathtaking performances, where loud chants of "Wet Hot" were heard miles away from the Old White Horse Pike.  Spectators were in such a frenzy after each eye dropping save, that they prompted to shout "Wet Hot! Wet Hot! Wet Hot!"

But the return of Wet Hot was overshadow by a Rosco Gang Green, whom bought a pair of Crossfire Rollerblades for $37, to skate out for the evening. 

Gang Green's new pair of Crossfire Rollerblades. Purchase for only $37 at his local sporting goods retailer.

Now Gang Green wasn't in the best of shape.  His last performance as a skater was a tryout for the Men's League Team "Flex", which didn't go so well.   After his tryout, nobody said a word to Gang Green about his horrific performance.  

Except our beloved Master P "Gang Green I hope you like to wear orange, because you'll be perfect as a traffic cone.  I can't believe you actually thought you could make our Men's league team.  You're a terrible skater, you run into your own teammates, you shot the puck wider than Steve Arena, and I'm tired of watching you fake injuries.  All in all, you suck!"

Still Gang Green persevered from the tormented criticism.  He played a different position, so he wouldn't have to hear the negativity of his skating performance.  Time went on, Gang Green won 13 Waterford Hockey Championships, Named Goalie of the year in 2009 and 2010, Coached 2 Men's League Championships, and relieved himself by masturbating to the sounds of his roommate having sex in the same room. 

Or as Gang Green Calls it "I didn't want to be only the person to not bust a nut."  A legendary story for another time, my young readers. 

On Sunday night, it was time for Gang Green's redemption.  This was for the little guy, whom wasn't pick for the team.  This was for the less talented, whom never got a chance.  This was for the balding 30yr old air guitaring champion whom had the sexual mysterious mystic. This was for the guy whom wasn't afraid to get kick off facebook for sending homosexual viruses.  This was for the General of the Waterford Faithful Brigade.   This was for Rosco Gang Green!

With his team trailing in the series 2games to nothing, Gang Green had a chance in game 3 of the series to rally his teammates.  Trailing 2-1 in game 3, Gang Green picked up the loose ball in the far end boards.  He took the ball, and proceeded with broad and heavy strides towards the offensive zone.  His breath was short, and was dripping of sweat around the groin region. 

His strides became faster, with each passing moment toward the goal.  It was only Gang Green and goaltender Wet Hot in his vicinity.  Gang Green could see the openings in the goal.  Questions in his head of either shooting blocker side, glove side, or five hole.  Or should I deke first and then wait for the goaltender to commit. 

But Gang Green had only one thing on his mind, "I'm going to rape Wet Hot!" 

With every last stride before the goal, Gang Green didn't prepare for an obstacle in his way.  Wet Hot saw Gang Green fumbled the control of the ball.  This was an opportune moment for Wet Hot, to swat the ball away. 

Wet Hot swung his goalie stick at the direction of Gang Green's stick, but to his failure had taken the legs out of Gang Green instead.   A loud moan of "Ahh...........  My toe!" was heard as Gang Green flew 30 feet in the air and landed on his left shoulder.

Players were stunned, the game was postpone for 20 minutes before our General; beaten and battered rose from a crippled shoulder injury.  A weak and derange Gang Green came to his feet.  He had only one thing on his mind "Do I get a Penalty Shot for that?" 

Gang Green was awarded a penalty shot, and was denied by Wet Hot.  Gang Green's team however did comeback in the series and lost in 5 games.  Rosco Gang Green gave his heart, soul, and his left shoulder for this series.  Even in defeat a great respect for Gang Green was upheld.  Nobody will ever forget his 30 foot plunge to the Waterford Gardens pavement. 
 

Check out the Rosco Gang Green rants about Evil Mogilny no show.  They are unedited and uncut.  So be advised of the strong language and nature of the clips.  

Contact either A.I. or A1 for hockey this week, or just come to the Waterford Gardens and practice. 

Angry Rosco Gang Green Part II

Angry Rosco Gang Green Part I

End of an Era Again

Weeks away from the month that honors the Waterford Hockey Legend Master P.  Our hero got up and left the Waterford Faithful brigade for the third time in the last 2 years.  He is on quest (via Chinatown Bus) for grander pastures of illegal drugs, and smoother tasting beer.

Master P, your presence at the Waterford Gardens will be sorely missed, and their can only be one truly Master P in our hearts. 

To commemorate the life and journey of this Waterford elite player, we're having the 2nd annual Master P festival on April  14 at 4pm.  Come to the Mogilny Playhouse for free beer, food, activities which include: beach volleyball, ladder-ball, billiards, bocce ball, wiffle ball, build your own DJ station, and take your picture next to a life size cut out of Master P.

On the news that Master P had left the Waterford faithful, Quad Skates was dishearten to hear such tragic news.  Holding back tears, Quads was sorry to see Master P to leave once again "Its not going to be the same without the Dancing Bear as his Pennsauken counterparts used to call him.  No more witty insults, no more pre game beer drinking, no more sledgehammer, .....no more Mexican poncho"

Master P on Cinco De Mayo

 At this moment the current whereabouts of Master P are unknown, but his legacy carries on.  Come out to the Waterford Gardens for hockey  Sat at 4pm and Sun at 7pm. 

Evil Mogilny Birthday Promotion

Waterford Gardens Smack-down!

How do Suitcases know where to meet you?

Master P Moment 2011

Master P sporting his festive New Years look

To bring in the New Year here at the Googily Gazette we bring you the first Master P moment of 2011.  As shown in the photo above( with the make-up of his favorite hip hop duo of the insane clown posse) Master P was in a heated conversation with a curious transit commuter about the environment.  

It started out at the very end of a bizarre New Years eve night.  The Master P, Mogilny, the chief editor and brother went out to Brooklyn for a Flock of Seagulls New Years eve bash.  To summarize that party, would be an insult to the innocent bystanders who participant in such a great event.  Mogilny's shock expression told most of the insanity that transpired.  "I now have stories to tell the rest of my adult life."  A wide eyed Mogilny commented. 

As the night ended, the foursome waited at the Path train station for their 530am train ride home.  The four standing on the cold platform, killing time and still pondering what their minds had engulfed from the Flock of Seagulls party mayhem. 

While waiting with the other party goers of the New Years eve night.   A curious pink suitcase and jacket observer approached the group.  She pointed at the face painted Master P and asked "Why is he the only person with his face painted.  The rest of you look normal, and this guy (referring to Master P) looks ridiculous."

Mogilny chimed in "You don't know what kind of ridiculous we experienced tonight."

"It just doesn't make any sense to me.  I feel like the rest of you guys should have your faces painted as well." pink suitcase lady commented.

"I was the only person who wanted to participated in the festivities of that party.  I don't think you should judge me on my sheer willingness to ride a wave with Flock of Seagulls."  Master P responded

"What kind of party was this?  How much did you have to drink?" pink suitcase lady replied

"Well we bought a 24 pack of Pabst.  Then we ran out of that.  So I went around and took whatever I could find.  I scrummage out a drop full of wine from some stranded bottles.  I stole a bottle of champagne, and I lick the bottom of some liquor bottles to satisfy my thirst."  Master P said

"You sound like one of the most shadiest person I ever met."  pink suitcase lady commented

"Why does that make me a shady person?" Master P questioned.

"You just admitted to lurking around and stealing other people's alcohol.  Who does something like that?" pink suitcase lady replied.

"You don't know me.  I'm a very honorable person.  I volunteer for the US government, by taking care of the environment.  I lived in the Nevada desert smoking weed everyday, and doing a shit load of hallucinogenics.  As the drugs wore off,  I managed to clear trails and became one with mother earth."  Master P remarked

"That doesn't mean you know anything about the environment.  You just cut down some branches and cleared brush.  You're just a glorified landscaper."  pink suitcase lady replied.

"Don't tell me I don't know anything.  What the hell do you know about the environment?"  Master P responded.

"Well actually I'm an environmental engineer."  pink suitcase lady rebutted.

Master P baffled by her response had no remark.  Mogilny in a hysteria of laughter fell to the Path train platform. 

"I work for a company that designs water drinking systems, and landfills.  So I think I have an idea about the environment." pink suitcase lady continued.

"That's total bullshit.  I do more on my own to help the environment.  I'm currently in a project called "Dumpster Dive a meal".  I go from Dumpster to Dumpster and eat package food that normally goes to waste.  I don't eat half eaten food or anything like that.  Fuck that shit.  I'm preserving landfill space and the waste that goes through the preparation of each food product.

You see there is a lot of waste that goes through each food product.  The materials used for packaging, are made at an industrial plant.  Than the workers whom work at these plants eat food and produce garbage.  Than the gas that is used for the transportation of the food products pollutes our atmosphere.  All of this goes into making slice bread.

To conclude, my dumpster diving prevents the exploitation of the Capitalistic pigs who burn solid materials to produce simple food items."  Professor Master P discussed .

"Why would I take anything seriously from a person who has their face painted like a jugglo from the Insane Clown Posse. "  pink suitcase lady commented

This Master P moment is brought to you by the VSN media global.  Sign up now and receive customize bumper stickers of your favorite NHL team.  Waterford Hockey returns next week on Wed, stay tune if game time conditions are favorable from the winter wonder gardens clean-up.

It case you're wondering who the Insane Clown Posse are here is a little treat of their hit single "Miracles".  Can you tell which ICP member has the same make-up as the Master P?  Happy New Year!